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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

188 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 09/04/2024 22:19

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

OP posts:
existentialannie · 09/04/2024 22:35

I’d be hanging his dirty skids over the sofa from now on

Metrictum · 09/04/2024 22:34

I would be furious and very hurt if my DH had showed work colleagues me covertly via a camera and still upset if he even joked about possibly doing so. That’s a huge invasion of privacy. Tbh why was he even watching it at all when you were home with your child?

The chips thing is just odd and rude and nasty. Why get food for yourself when out with your family without asking them and especially if the usual routine is to do it all together.

He sounds horrible and like he is trying to gaslight you.

TreesAndSandAndWaves · 09/04/2024 22:34

His behaviour is very off. It’s not you.

(and get rid of the camera - that’s creepy enough just on its own!)

Tetchypants · 09/04/2024 22:34

I’d not be happy with cameras inside my house. Throw the bloody thing away! I have a friend with a dog cam that is permanently on and I’ve stopped going round as much, it’s just so intrusive and weird.

WinterDeWinter · 09/04/2024 22:34

Fucking hell what an absolute shit.

Don't accept this. None of it is normal.

WildBear · 09/04/2024 22:33

God, how often is he on his little spy cam? Creepy.

gelsag · 09/04/2024 22:33

yanbu

CountFucula · 09/04/2024 22:32

Getting chips alone - rude and weird
Watching you at home - weird
commenting about the mess - rude
making this your fault - gaslighting

why is he being so odd?

StickyStones · 09/04/2024 22:32

That's horrible OP, and slightly creepy. I'd flip my lid.

OneAtATime · 09/04/2024 22:29

Sounds like he’s a bit weird and gaslighty to me. I wouldn’t like to think DH had shared a stream of me sleeping with colleagues. And it’s definitely not funny.
also a bit selfish of him to eat alone on family day out.

CuriousGeorge80 · 09/04/2024 22:28

Watching people on home cameras when they don’t know is creepy and wrong. Showing others is really bad. “Joking” about showing others when you haven’t really is weird and not funny. YANBU.

Biggybigbiggles · 09/04/2024 22:28

How did his colleagues see? I'd feel really violated!

Circumferences · 09/04/2024 22:22

He actually got a live stream video of you and showed it to people at work?
Isn't that illegal or something??