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AIBU?

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Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

188 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 09/04/2024 22:19

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

OP posts:
ElloiseMcTavish · 09/04/2024 23:09

existentialannie · 09/04/2024 22:35

I’d be hanging his dirty skids over the sofa from now on

Classy. Personally I wouldn’t be with anyone who couldn’t wipe his own arse properly.

We have cameras in the house but neither of us watch each other - that's just weird. They’re only ever on overnight anyway. Are your cameras for security or something?

Wandering off and getting food for himself is selfish, he could have waited.

He’s a weirdo and I’d seriously be considering if a I wanted to stay with him.

MaitreKarlsson · 09/04/2024 23:09

ALovelyCupOfNameChange · 09/04/2024 22:47

That’s not the first time he’s checked in on you at home. Just the first time he’s told you.

This.

PeloMom · 09/04/2024 23:07

I don’t see anything ‘funny- haha’ in his behaviour. What a douche

RandomButtons · 09/04/2024 23:05

maudelovesharold · 09/04/2024 23:01

Unless you’re 12.

What 12 year old thinks a woman asleep on a sofa is funny? Even 12 years olds have a better sense of humour than that.

ChancersWife · 09/04/2024 23:03

ALovelyCupOfNameChange · 09/04/2024 22:47

That’s not the first time he’s checked in on you at home. Just the first time he’s told you.

This. Kind of guy to have an affair is the kind of guy that checks what his partner is doing. Next time maybe he can see you packing his things.

maudelovesharold · 09/04/2024 23:01

Catsmere · 09/04/2024 22:39

He sounds like a voyeuristic creep. Nothing remotely funny about any of this.

Unless you’re 12.

AutumnFroglets · 09/04/2024 22:59

You might not have used the camera for a while but why did he decide to check/watch? What prompted him to look? I agree with pp, I don't think he ever stopped watching.

YaMuvva · 09/04/2024 22:58

I mean, if you find emotional abuse funny then sure it’s hilarious. Otherwise it’s seriously worrying and if a colleague dared show me that I’d be giving him the biggest dressing down of his life.

Smash the ring door cam up. So creepy to have them in the living room. I just feel like controlling partners want to spy on their OHs and when they have kids use it as a way to say “The baby watched a lot of TV today”.

But regarding your DH - I’ll be honest, it sounds like he hates you. Horrid man

AmIclutchingpearls · 09/04/2024 22:55

Thank you all for your replies, I was wondering whether I had perhaps overreacted.

The ring camera was actually bought by me and when we replaced it we used it occasionally in the living room when our youngest would nap on there so we could get on with housework etc and it has just never been moved, until tonight!

He still hasn't learned to drive, he did take 3 months shared parental leave and is really good with the children but he was supposed to have driving lessons during that time as my work is flexible but didn't get past the stage of making enquiries and joining waiting lists.

OP posts:
CarrieCardigan · 09/04/2024 22:52

WTAF!
I would be very surprised if this was the first time he watched you at home.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is genuine LTB territory.

JoniBlue · 09/04/2024 22:51

The only funny thing is his way of thinking. Yanbu.

JimBeamCoke · 09/04/2024 22:47

Your partner sounds like someone who does what suits them. Based on how you described the situation I think there is a big chance he did show them the video and denied it when he saw your reaction to him doing it. Regardless he would happily abuse his partner and mother of his child’s privacy as a cheap laugh.
Has he learned how to drive yet? Is he contributing any sort of useful contribution to parenting?

ALovelyCupOfNameChange · 09/04/2024 22:47

That’s not the first time he’s checked in on you at home. Just the first time he’s told you.

RandomButtons · 09/04/2024 22:44

Can I guess that the cameras were his idea?

chips - selfish.
camera - creepy
showing camera to work colleagues- flipping voyeuristic creepy wierdo

Stainglasses · 09/04/2024 22:43

He sounds horrible. Get rid of the camera right away. And don’t doubt your reactions. If you find something unpleasant then believe yourself.

senua · 09/04/2024 22:43

We have a ring camera in the living room
Why? I thought these things were for strangers on the doorstep, not for the inhabitants of the house.
Was it his idea by any chance?Hmm

Maninthemoonsmiles · 09/04/2024 22:39

He sounds like a very weird abuser humiliating you to colleagues and not at all loving to his family. OP take some action and stand up for some decency. You should not let him treat you like this.

Catsmere · 09/04/2024 22:39

He sounds like a voyeuristic creep. Nothing remotely funny about any of this.

canyouletthedogoutplease · 09/04/2024 22:39

The chips thing is weird, but what's weirder is that he can specifically remember it which makes me think he though it through and did it on purpose and then watched your reaction, rather than unthinkingly, which in itself would be bad enough.

The camera would be either pointed at the toilet next time he sits down for a shit, or in the wheely bin, depending on how my "sense of humour" was on the day.

I'd be livid, you're not overly sensitive, I'd be furious, and anyone that did this to me would be no friend of mine. It's juvenile and intrusive and I'd think very little of anyone who did it.

givebeesachance · 09/04/2024 22:38

Absolutely none of this is normal or ok.

Canyousewcushions · 09/04/2024 22:37

The camera thing- weird and creepy.

The chips- your post indicates there is a younger child. If the younger child was bored and hungry while you were waiting in the queue, then going to get chips is perfectly sensible. If it was him on his own then yes, a bit odd, but not in the same league as the camera thing.

Comingupriver · 09/04/2024 22:37

What a horror he is. Why live like that? His concern shoudl have been to see why you’re so tired and ask how he can support you. Not belittle you. At least everyone else will know he’s a horror.

AutumnFroglets · 09/04/2024 22:36

If you don't use the camera why did he access the app to watch you?

No, you didn't have a sense of humour failure as nothing about it is funny. It is creepy on so many levels. Take the batteries out of the camera and hide it away from him.

theduchessofspork · 09/04/2024 22:36

Watching you on a camera, never mind showing his colleagues is incredibly fucking weird and invasive - it’s not acceptable at all. Why would he do that? Disable the fucking thing and bollock him from a height. You need to develop your boundaries.

Eating chips on your own on a family day out is weird, but nowhere near in the same league.

RonObvious · 09/04/2024 22:35

If I did something that I thought someone would find funny, and it upset them instead, I would be mortified and apologetic, rather than blame them for their “lack of humour”. And the chips thing is just weird.