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Original poster

Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

188 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 09/04/2024 22:19

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

OP posts:
Clafoutie · 10/04/2024 06:12

Don’t doubt yourself here OP. There is nothing funny about this at all and these are not loving ways to behave towards a partner. I would feel just the same as you. I’m sorry this happened and I hope he gets a better attitude very soon 🙁Flowers

imforeverblowingbuttons · 10/04/2024 06:10

Neither of those things are funny.

I'd be annoyed if my dh showed a live feed of me sleeping to colleagues

I'd be annoyed if he sorted his own lunch and not ours

Why would either of those things be funny?

Tell him he needs to work on his sense of humour because it's gone seriously downhill lately.

Noyesnoyes · 10/04/2024 05:29

Cameras are just bloody awful, the need to view people inside their own home is awful and intrusive.

Seriously weird!

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 10/04/2024 05:24

Not sure I’ve read correctly, but he had an affair?
He still works there.
Sounds like he’s making up pranks in his head, carrying them out to recount in the office-like you are a figure of fun.
He’s rewriting history. Now the silent treatment because you’ve called him out on it…..

How is life other than these incidents? Is there any chance he’s having affair number 2 or leading up to something? He sounds like he’s checking out to me. There’s nothing remotely funny about the things he’s doing.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 10/04/2024 03:59

That is not on at all and he was having a sneaky dig at you for having a nap and another about the living room. Nothing to find funny about any of it. He was acting like a knob voyeur and it is creepy and I would not find it funny either. Let him sulk and he should apologize and it seems like he takes pleasure in trying to annoy you, is he a man-child.

Northernsouloldies · 10/04/2024 03:01

That camera would be getting ripped out.

beAsensible1 · 10/04/2024 01:39

am I missing the joke?

neither of these are funny or ok.

the ring camera is a violation. Turn it off.

FarmGirl78 · 10/04/2024 01:33

The bit that bothers me the most about what you posted is when he painted a completely different picture of your day out. You forgot the chips incident and moved on from it, and suggested you all went for a drink on the way home. Sounds like everyone was happy from that. He's now rewritten this by telling you that you were in a huff for the rest of the day.

That's a major red flag for me. You're now not only supposed to feel guilty for how you acted, but it also gives him the green light to be in a huff and ignore you. So now he's allowed to be off with you, and you've got some making up to do. When it's actual him who's been a knob. Crafty little gaslighter isn't he?

JanglingJack · 10/04/2024 01:26

Why do you need to be filmed whilst you are at home with your own child?

That's not a Nanny cam, that's a violation of your privacy. He's a controlling arse hole isn't he? Bin the camera.

penjil · 10/04/2024 01:20

ALovelyCupOfNameChange · 09/04/2024 22:47

That’s not the first time he’s checked in on you at home. Just the first time he’s told you.

Absolutely!!

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/04/2024 00:26

What a nasty piece of shit.

Your sense of humour is fine. His personality is a toxic embarrassment. I bet his colleagues were cringing at his awful behaviour and felt very very sorry for you.

JMSA · 10/04/2024 00:20

Not nice behaviour at all Sad

justanotherrandomperson · 09/04/2024 23:53

He sounds like a jerk, tbh. That on top of the affair (and he still works in the same place where the affair started?)... It doesn't sound great.

ETA: Sorry, ignore me. I missed that it was an ex who cheated... I still think he's being weird. Few would find that amusing.

CraftyBum · 09/04/2024 23:39

So you put the camera there not him.
He didn't show colleagues he just joked he did.
He passed comment about showing them if the room wasn't a mess.

The only one I'd be pissed off about is the last one. The first one was you, the second one was a bad attempt at humour. The 3rd one he could get to fuck.

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/04/2024 23:39

Ugh he's horrible. Getting the chips on his own shows he is not a good father and not a good partner. Watching you on video when you are sleeping is disgraceful. If he showed that to colleagues then he deserves the sack and a divorce.

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 09/04/2024 23:35

Outrageous.

I would be upset and furious that he had a) looked and worse b) shown the camera stuff to colleagues. Horrible violation.

Knowing he is in the wrong he has then sought to deflect blame on to you on the ‘senate of humour loss’ pretence. And has had to scrabble around d for other so-called examples.

Pathetic.

I would face him with this, and tell him to think carefully , very carefully, about respect.

Be alert OP.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 09/04/2024 23:34

Watching you on the camera is bad enough. Showing other people is horrifying. I wonder what his colleagues actually thought about this. If someone did it at my work I'd be giving them a very wide berth from then on.

The only person I know who would go off and get food for themselves on a day out with other people without including them is my dad. He's diabetic and if he needs to eat he needs to eat, so if he was apart from the rest of the group just get on with it because he'd prioritise not keeling over above being polite. And of course we all want him to prioritise his health too. Without a good reason it's just incredibly selfish. I don't understand it.

StrongandNorthern · 09/04/2024 23:33

Seriously weird.
I would not be happy at all.
(and the 'messy living room' comment is just the icing on a rather disturbing cake).

Ofcourseshecan · 09/04/2024 23:33

CountFucula · 09/04/2024 22:32

Getting chips alone - rude and weird
Watching you at home - weird
commenting about the mess - rude
making this your fault - gaslighting

why is he being so odd?

This sums it up — except I’d say secretly filming inside the house is worse than weird.

And now you’re getting the silent treatment. Not good.

KreedKafer · 09/04/2024 23:32

He sounds like an absolute tool who is deliberately messing with your head.

ASeagulStoleMyIceCream · 09/04/2024 23:28

He sounds really creepy and like he’s spying on you to check what you are doing (I would bet he does it regularly).
Showing his work colleagues to humiliate you is vile.
Criticising the mess is borderline controlling because clearly that was his massive hint that you should have been tidying and not napping.
His outbursts after all this is gaslighting.
Is he abusive in other ways?

AngryBookworm · 09/04/2024 23:22

The camera thing is really creepy, OP. I would mention turning it off when you don't need it (which seems like most of the time) and gauge his reaction. If he reacts badly, that's another red flag. Meanwhile I'd definitely cover it while you're home alone. Honestly the chips thing is nothing compared to this (but telling you you were in a huff when you weren't could be part of a gaslighting pattern). Stay safe & keep up connections with friends and family outside the relationship - I think you need your wits about you.

maudelovesharold · 09/04/2024 23:19

RandomButtons · 09/04/2024 23:05

What 12 year old thinks a woman asleep on a sofa is funny? Even 12 years olds have a better sense of humour than that.

Show quote history

Great point. Touché. 👍

Fannyfiggs · 09/04/2024 23:11

existentialannie · 09/04/2024 22:35

I’d be hanging his dirty skids over the sofa from now on

🤣🤣🤣

Fannyfiggs · 09/04/2024 23:10

As a PP said, you should, on no uncertain terms, tell him that it is unacceptable to watch you through a camera, in the sanctuary of your own home, and then show his colleagues. Absolutely disgusting and downright weird behaviour.

Put the husband in the bin and keep the camera.