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AIBU?

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Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

188 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 09/04/2024 22:19

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

OP posts:
RenoDakota · 10/04/2024 08:27

bellezarara · 10/04/2024 08:20

That’s irrelevant and not the point of the thread.Start your own thread about guests’ rights if you’re so hot on the subject.

No, not irrelevant. I thought @Georgesbar24 made a very good point there. I would hate to think that I was being watched by cameras at someone else's house too.

Zyq · 10/04/2024 08:26

AmIclutchingpearls · 09/04/2024 22:55

Thank you all for your replies, I was wondering whether I had perhaps overreacted.

The ring camera was actually bought by me and when we replaced it we used it occasionally in the living room when our youngest would nap on there so we could get on with housework etc and it has just never been moved, until tonight!

He still hasn't learned to drive, he did take 3 months shared parental leave and is really good with the children but he was supposed to have driving lessons during that time as my work is flexible but didn't get past the stage of making enquiries and joining waiting lists.

So has the camera just been left turned on indefinitely?

MarkWithaC · 10/04/2024 08:24

FarmGirl78 · 10/04/2024 01:33

The bit that bothers me the most about what you posted is when he painted a completely different picture of your day out. You forgot the chips incident and moved on from it, and suggested you all went for a drink on the way home. Sounds like everyone was happy from that. He's now rewritten this by telling you that you were in a huff for the rest of the day.

That's a major red flag for me. You're now not only supposed to feel guilty for how you acted, but it also gives him the green light to be in a huff and ignore you. So now he's allowed to be off with you, and you've got some making up to do. When it's actual him who's been a knob. Crafty little gaslighter isn't he?

I agree with this, I mean, it’s all shitty behaviour (showing you and your house on a livestream to colleagues is seriously out of order), but this sets off the strongest gaslighting/manipulation alarm bells.

Gingernurt88 · 10/04/2024 08:23

That's not ok and extremely invasive. What if you'd been breastfeeding for example and had everything out we women often do at home? Or you'd been nappy changing your little one in full view? A home should be a private space. I'd put a muslin over it whilst he is not at home and see if he comments you'll know if he's still doing it then. Or even better a sign in front of it saying "stop watching us you prick"

BellsAndFootfalls · 10/04/2024 08:21

I'd feel violated. It sounds like he's been watching you on the camera fairly regularly, why? I'd just be switching the thing off, even in a different room he can turn on the audio and hear what's going on

bellezarara · 10/04/2024 08:20

Georgesbar24 · 10/04/2024 08:17

Do you have guests over and do they know about the camera? Because I’d be livid if I went to someone’s house that recorded the room I was in.

That’s irrelevant and not the point of the thread.Start your own thread about guests’ rights if you’re so hot on the subject.

bellezarara · 10/04/2024 08:18

He’s punishing you for not laughing along at his nastiness in showing you sleeping to colleagues by bringing up chips incident, which also showed he was a selfish twat.

He sounds awful, you are not being overly sensitive.

I think you should coldly and calmly tell him every time his behaviour is unacceptable and don’t be manipulated into letting things go because he gives you the silent treatment or goes to bed early to sulk.

Georgesbar24 · 10/04/2024 08:17

Do you have guests over and do they know about the camera? Because I’d be livid if I went to someone’s house that recorded the room I was in.

Horsesontheloose · 10/04/2024 08:15

It seems he was trying to make a fool of you. Cruel and not what you should expect from a partner.

Theunamedcat · 10/04/2024 08:14

Can you access the app see how often that camera has been used?

HowToSaveAWife · 10/04/2024 08:13

Scrap camera, scrap creep. Problem solved.

You're not the issue, he is. Why is he watching you during the day? And when you pointed out the problem with that, he decides to rewrite your family day out and that you were the problem again? He's awful. Get rid.

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 10/04/2024 08:13

I actually think you reacted very very calmly. I would have literally blown up! So well done you for being so restrained.
He was bang out of order, no other way to put it. Complete invasion of privacy, and yes, he violated you by showing colleagues.

katebushh · 10/04/2024 08:10

You have not lost your sense of humour, he's a gaslighting creep and I am angry just reading this.

PinkyFlamingo · 10/04/2024 08:07

He's gaslighting you

Nicole1111 · 10/04/2024 08:04

You haven’t lost your sense of humour, you’ve just acquired a partner who can’t hold space for how you might feel, for instance hungry or vulnerable and embarrassed.

DragonGypsyDoris · 10/04/2024 06:54

Not illegal, but definitely creepy. Although the OP did know that the camera was there, so whilst creepy nevertheless unsurprising that it is used.

Didimum · 10/04/2024 06:49

I’m not sure what any of this has to do with sense of humour either??

moose62 · 10/04/2024 06:49

Basically he has done something, show the live streaming, which he thinks is funny. You don't and think it is an invasion of privacy. Rather than admit you are right, it is easier to switch it and say that you have lost your sense of humour and then sulk so you question yourself. Don't, you are right, he is a knob.

greengreyblue · 10/04/2024 06:43

Camera thing not so bad if he just happened to look at it , but showing others is not nice. The chips issue is just plain rude!

Bestyearever2024 · 10/04/2024 06:35

Jesus. He's done a number on you, OP, hasn't he? It's shocking that you would think that YOU are somehow at fault (no sense of humour) for his abuse. There is NOTHING funny about what he did, and his side swipe about the room being messy is horrible

Please get rid of this potentially dangerous man

Willmafrockfit · 10/04/2024 06:33

not very nice at all.
get rid of the camera
but perhaps think about whether to get rid of him

susiedaisy1912 · 10/04/2024 06:30

How long have you been together op?

WillimNot · 10/04/2024 06:30

Ltb

He is a huge gaslighter. You say he is good with your DC but for how long until his sense of humour upsets them? He walked off on a family day out and upset your child already.

Seriously, sort things out and get rid. He's clearly a narcissist and controlling with it. Not only do you work but apparently the housework is your job too, and the childcare, or he will show his colleagues how supposedly lazy you are?
Yet he can't organise driving lessons over three months? He's a tosser. You deserve better op.

crockofshite · 10/04/2024 06:20

He's being hugely disrespectful towards you.

And it sounds as if he's deliberately setting up situations for an argument with the intention it's started by you.

I wonder what outcome he's aiming for.

KoolKookaburra · 10/04/2024 06:19

That's horrific and in no way amusing!