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AIBU?

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Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

188 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 09/04/2024 22:19

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 10/04/2024 14:27

Him being cruel, selfish and more than a bit of a cunt is not funny in the slightest.

Well done for speaking up, OP.

Lentilweaver · 10/04/2024 14:00

5128gap · 10/04/2024 13:29

If a male colleague of mine tried to show me 'hilarious' footage of his wife sleeping in what she rightfully assumed to be the privacy of her own home, I'd have told him what I thought of his disrespectful lame attempt at humour at someone else's expense. If that's what passes for funny in his opinion, the man must be an idiot as well as an insufferable bore. Rest assured I can't imagine many women with even half their wits laughing along with him.

Right? I wouldn't even have looked. So intrusive. It would be like looking inside someone's bag.

Also, mums of young DC can sleep whenever they want. The twat.

Mylittlepea · 10/04/2024 13:57

Sorry this is happening OP, he needs to be more sensitive and don’t be afraid to stand up to his nonsense.

I just came here to say well done for napping amongst the mess while your LO was napping. I wish I had done this when mine were small, I was exhausted but was rushing around doing jobs in the house while they slept to try & keep on to of everything. Big mistake, I was so tearful and irritated all the time, I should just have caught up on the zzzz’s instead x

5128gap · 10/04/2024 13:29

If a male colleague of mine tried to show me 'hilarious' footage of his wife sleeping in what she rightfully assumed to be the privacy of her own home, I'd have told him what I thought of his disrespectful lame attempt at humour at someone else's expense. If that's what passes for funny in his opinion, the man must be an idiot as well as an insufferable bore. Rest assured I can't imagine many women with even half their wits laughing along with him.

HappierTimesAhead · 10/04/2024 13:25

He is a dick.

And in general people (men) who say you don't have a sense of humour are dicks. It's almost always because they have done something dickish. It's a bit like the 'cheer up love' or 'give us a smile' comments from men.

Concannon88 · 10/04/2024 13:21

You haven't lost your sense of humor. What he's doing isn't funny. Going off to get chips alone? Oh hahahahahhaahha! His attitude is concerning and he comes across as very arrogant.

JPGR · 10/04/2024 13:16

So let me get this right. You can behave like an absolute twat and when the recipient doesn't like it you can blame it on them having no sense of humour.

Gettingbysomehow · 10/04/2024 13:06

This all sounds quite horrible to me.
The camera and the chips incident...who does that on a family day out? So weird.
The camera is a violation for sure.
I'd be uncomfortable living with someone who behaved like that.
Then bitching about the messy living room.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 10/04/2024 12:55

RandomButtons · 09/04/2024 22:44

Can I guess that the cameras were his idea?

chips - selfish.
camera - creepy
showing camera to work colleagues- flipping voyeuristic creepy wierdo

3 big red flags there.

If it were me I’d think about getting out of this relationship only as I know how quickly it escalates from this into more control and emotional abuse/control.

In fact knowing my EA from years ago he didn’t like nor have a mobile phone but if it was stuff to do with filming on it or ring doorbells/camera recording me I’m sure he’d have done it. I moved in with him for 6 months and I was never sure if he had cctv in the flat then but I couldn’t find it (either well hidden) or if it was outside and I didn’t know where to look. He certainly knew when I was in and out and told me our NDN (another creepy fucker) told him but we joked and said he was a curtain twitcher, now I’m not so sure.

I bet though you’ll say you can’t leave due to the little one or can’t afford to. Thank god I never had kids with my ex even though he wanted to.

PampasGrass · 10/04/2024 12:42

Totally totally dick borderline abusive move to show watch you sleeping and tell your colleagues about it also and to fucking show them and then complain about the lack of tidying?

Also getting food for only himself when everyone needed to eat was him trying to assert control or punish you for something. He doesn’t sound like a catch to be honest

Rosscameasdoody · 10/04/2024 12:40

Rip the camera off the wall and tell him to shove it. Also tell him that since 2015 it’s been illegal to do what he did - showing others the video footage of you, which he hasn’t got your permission to share. That he had so little respect for me or regard for my privacy would be a deal breaker for me. The fact that he’s in a strop with you and accusing you of a sense of humour failure over this, is a good indicator for abuse.

Catsmere · 10/04/2024 12:36

RandomButtons · 10/04/2024 08:59

No, bin the bloke.

Bin both!

silverbubbles · 10/04/2024 12:29

Your sense of humour has not gone done hill. His manners and respect for you are in the gutter.

TerrysNeapolitan · 10/04/2024 12:28

Not cool of him at all OP

Workhardcryharder · 10/04/2024 12:22

The camera thing wouldn’t bother me, I’d laugh and call my husband a dick.

However, it bothered you, reasonably so, and he gaslit you. That’s an issue.

and the chip thing makes him seem horrendously self serving

zeibesaffron · 10/04/2024 12:18

CountFucula · 09/04/2024 22:32

Getting chips alone - rude and weird
Watching you at home - weird
commenting about the mess - rude
making this your fault - gaslighting

why is he being so odd?

This ⬆️

He showed a video of you sleeping without your consent to other people the mans a dick!!

Iknowitsyou · 10/04/2024 12:02

No I wouldn’t be happy and would make me feel vulnerable.
Once years ago when I wasn’t long married my husbands friends for whatever reason thought it was funny to share photos of their wives sleeping on their WhatsApp chat!! My DH told me and I was horrified, thankfully he isn’t like that. Totally changed my perception of these ‘men’, some of which I have known since I was 12-13.

Whatifthehokeycokey · 10/04/2024 11:44

You have not lost your sense of humour. Neither of the things you describe are funny.

Lifeomars · 10/04/2024 11:24

Ugh, I would now be seeing him in a whole different light. The least worst case scenario is that he is immature and the worst is that he has no respect for you as a human being whose privacy and dignity he should be protecting rather than violating. Either way I would be worried

BobbyBiscuits · 10/04/2024 11:23

Tell him it's no joke to show images of you from the camera to colleagues without your consent. Even if it's not nudity etc it can be harassment or 'revenge porn' I think. In fact if you have sent him nudes I'd be concerned as to who else has them!
The chips just show he's a selfish prick. Why not queue up for the whole family's meal instead of one portion of chips!?
Yeah, he needs to be sorry. He's gaslighting you by pretending his ickle feelings are hurt cos you're such a bore who can't take a joke. It's not a fucking joke though is it?

DaftFlerken · 10/04/2024 11:13

willWillSmithsmith · 10/04/2024 10:35

When you have young children the only time you can sleep is when they do. He sounds like an arse.

lol, I am aware of that

I was merely saying that from his side I can see the joke

RainingOnMyFace · 10/04/2024 11:13

We had a child camera in DCs bedroom and when I was away with work I loved to look and see my DC playing or sleeping. Sometimes DH was in there too playing with them or reading a story.

I NEVER shared the images or showed to anyone else. I took a screenshot one day of them reading together and put heart emojis and WhatsApped it to DH so he knew I was there for story time and he reacted positively, putting up a little drawing of a smiley face where I could see it. Again, I never showed anyone else.

If DH got chips without me and DC, we'd just all dig in and yes I would be miffed.

We however do have fall outs about other stuff, as all couples do, we aren't perfect. But you're definitely not being U.

Stressyfab · 10/04/2024 11:07

He’s creepy and a knob. It would be very hard to dress this up as funny.

MintTraybake · 10/04/2024 10:55

CountFucula · 09/04/2024 22:32

Getting chips alone - rude and weird
Watching you at home - weird
commenting about the mess - rude
making this your fault - gaslighting

why is he being so odd?

this is exactly how I'd feel about it..... Rude, obnoxious, gas lighty.

OP - hope you're feeling ok. Try and speak it through with him if possible and how it made you feel?

Sounds like a lack of consideration from him to you and maybe a bit of resentment about the nap thing.

ChimbarasiKotapaxi · 10/04/2024 10:52

I would call this a violation