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Original poster

Have I lost my sense of humour or is this odd?

188 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 09/04/2024 22:19

Genuinely interested to hear people's thoughts on this as I am at a loss.

Partner came home from work today and mentioned he had seen me having a nap on the sofa while our little one had a nap. We have a ring camera in the living room (that we don't use but is still on our app) and I asked had he seen through that - he said yes and so had all his colleagues. I was mortified and although I didn't say much, it would have been obvious I wasn't happy. He then said he hadn't shown anyone else but that he would have if the living room had not been such a mess.

I let it go but moved the camera. Later on he asked if I was ok and I said to be honest I felt a bit violated, to which his response was that my sense of humour has gone downhill recently.

He then brought up another occasion recently where my sense of humour was apparently lacking. We had gone for a family day out at the coast where our usual habit is to get something from the chip shop together. While I was waiting in line with our older child for a ride, he went and got chips on his own. Our child pointed this out to me and asked did that mean we wouldn't be going together as usual and was a bit disappointed but didn't make a fuss about it. I mentioned to him that I thought this was an odd thing to do, to eat alone on a family day out rather than eat as a family, but me and older child then went and got ours and we all sat down together while we are them. I thought we had then enjoyed the rest of the day and called for a drink on the way home (my suggestion) but he said tonight that I was in a huff the rest of the day.

I should mention my ex fiance had an affair with a work colleague, so I probably am overly sensitive to the thought of him laughing at me with colleagues and he does work mainly with women, but I would have felt uneasy about it even if his colleagues were male. I did at one point say he could tell the women at work his partner has had a sense of humour failure, which was the point he put his plate down and stopped eating or talking.

He has gone to bed early while I was in the shower and I am questioning how this blew up so badly so if anyone could share their thoughts on this I would really appreciate any input!

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 10/04/2024 19:18

Why the hell is he watching you?

The chips thing is just plain rude.

SpiritOfEcstasy · 10/04/2024 19:12

This is start to finish bad! First the bit watching you on camera. Then the dig about the messy lounge. Getting his own chips but not yours and your DC. Claiming that you were huffing when you weren’t. Then not speaking or eating when you say how you feel … how is all this okay for you? You haven’t lost your sense of humour, none of that is in the slightest bit funny!

1974devon · 10/04/2024 19:07

V odd to be watching you..I def wouldn't want q camera always on in the house..did he put it there? And why?
Beach trip sounds selfish. And don't take the blame as it is most def not your fault at all....any of it.
I put up with odd behaviour for a good few years and always accepted it was prob my fault.. I became a shadow of who I had been.

MagpiePi · 10/04/2024 18:39

Showing a live stream of you sleeping to work colleagues is definitly creepy and he knows it, but is trying to make it out to be you that's got the problem. The chips thing is just selfish and rude and saying you were in a huff for the rest of the day is him trying to shift his own discomfort on to you again.

I think that tellling someone they've lost their sense of humour is usually a defence mechanism for if you get upset about something and the person who did the 'funny' thing knows it actually wasn't a funny thing, it was just a dick move. I am not sure that this is gaslighting, but the term gaslighting has just come to mean lying, these days.

Northernsouloldies · 10/04/2024 18:37

It's your home , you should be able to nap stark naked if you had the notion and feel safe in the knowledge that there's no I spy with my little eye.

BooBooDoodle · 10/04/2024 18:27

Please try and take no notice because he sounds like he’s gaslighting you and the more you hear things like this the more you’ll start believing it. You’re already questioning it and playing into his hands. He’s also seen his arse because you challenged him, that is a narcissist there. Please be careful and watch your back. Your DH sounds like a creep who’s manipulative.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 10/04/2024 17:43

I am a pretty laid back person in general and can laugh most things off but I'd quite honestly go postal if my DH was showing videos of me napping to co-workers or threatening to. Total violation of privacy and dignity.
I know he didn't, but the 'I would have if the living room wasn't a mess' would only have wound me up more!

EnglishBluebell · 10/04/2024 17:03

It's not your sense of humour that's gone wrong, he's just become very selfish all of a sudden. What's changed in his life?

Lairymary · 10/04/2024 16:27

Before ditching the camera altogether, I would be tempted to keep it on, but obscured by a little Fuck Off sign.

Lacyy · 10/04/2024 16:13

We have cameras in the house so we can keep an eye on the dog whilst we're out, usually turn them off when we are in but sometimes forget. I would be horrified if I found out my partner had done this.

Bestyearever2024 · 10/04/2024 16:02

Theothername · 10/04/2024 15:50

I might be a bit slow on the uptake but I’m completely failing to understand what could possibly be amusing about him getting his own chips. What on earth has that to do with anyone’s sense of humour?

He’s coming across as very gaslight-y.

Yes I agree. It's so obviously really selfish, that his stupid sense of humour comment is so obviously gaslighting

🤮

Fundays12 · 10/04/2024 15:56

He has totally violated your privacy. How dare he let his colleagues see you in your home via a spy camera having a nap. Yes I say spy camera as that's what it's been used as.

LilacReader · 10/04/2024 15:54

I think getting the chips is just a basic selfish thing to do and on it's own it seems trivial but mentioning alongside the camera story, it really gives me the ick!
He's showing that he thinks of you as his property to do with as he wishes. I'm not one of these 'end it now' kind of people but I would worry that his feelings are leaving him and he will do more and more things like this.

Out of interest, what was his reason for even looking at the camera in the first place when he knew you were home and nothing had alerted him to do so?

Theothername · 10/04/2024 15:50

I might be a bit slow on the uptake but I’m completely failing to understand what could possibly be amusing about him getting his own chips. What on earth has that to do with anyone’s sense of humour?

He’s coming across as very gaslight-y.

CoolRedSquid · 10/04/2024 15:50

TreesAndSandAndWaves · 09/04/2024 22:34

His behaviour is very off. It’s not you.

(and get rid of the camera - that’s creepy enough just on its own!)

Ithink I'd be tempted to get rid if him

sunnyinthesummertime · 10/04/2024 15:46

Perhaps it's just me but I really don't get the joke. What was meant to be so funny about a parent falling asleep on the sofa while their child is having a nap?

AmaryllisChorus · 10/04/2024 15:43

Canyousewcushions · 09/04/2024 22:37

The camera thing- weird and creepy.

The chips- your post indicates there is a younger child. If the younger child was bored and hungry while you were waiting in the queue, then going to get chips is perfectly sensible. If it was him on his own then yes, a bit odd, but not in the same league as the camera thing.

Edited

But wouldn't you then text your partner and say, 'Baby's restless so we'll go and pick up chips - what do you and older child want?'

He sounds immature to me. You are allowed a full range of emotions, including expressing being pissed off if he is expressing being a dick.

Lackinginspecialskills · 10/04/2024 15:37

All very weird. He sounds quite selfish – chips/not driving - you have (it sounds like) two kids together so that is going to be a continual added strain on you driving everybody everywhere, shopping, moving anything heavy, ever. Not good enough on his part.

Camera doesn’t worry me so much if it had been there for a while for a legitimate reason to start with, however, as others have said, I bet it isn’t the first time he has watched you so get rid. The rather gaslighting implication seemed to be you weren’t pulling your weight because you were sleeping and it was a bit messy. Well maybe you had had a really busy day on no sleep?? He should be supporting you, and should have come home from work asking if you were okay and if he could help you in case you were overtired.

how many parents of young children have a sense of humour failure? I bet all of us at times. The fact he is trying to call you out on it sounds like deflection. Same with the chips – it seems like he is not being himself at the moment so perhaps there is something going on that he is not telling you? Not suggesting he is cheating necessarily, but there is something he is worried about or is hiding, I bet. Maybe he knows he is not carrying equal weight in the relationship. So is trying to assert some dominance in an odd gaslighting way.

Good luck, and don’t take any shit – you are in the right.

AInightingale · 10/04/2024 15:19

So he basically has you on CCTV in your own home, which is usually something you only resort to if you suspect elder or child abuse, theft etc, from an outsider working inside your house. That's as weird af. What is the purpose of it?

Men have been caught filming their partners in the bathroom and bedroom. I really hope that's not the case with your partner, but it's not unheard of and the technology is getting easier to conceal. There's something disturbing about anyone who films others unaware.

Missamyp · 10/04/2024 15:13

This is inappropriate, you're enjoying the privacy of your own home and he's sharing it for the mrith of all his colleagues.
That's not funny at all.

feelingfree17 · 10/04/2024 15:08

Totally and utterly not ok
I would remove all cameras
What an absolute disrespectful twat

Pallisers · 10/04/2024 15:03

Disloyal, selfish, violating bastard. I'd have reacted far more angrily than you did. Why is this creep even looking at you at home. weird as fuck. I couldn't look at him the same way again.

Bellesbookshop · 10/04/2024 15:00

I'd have flipped my lid if my guy had done this.

Gaslighting and creepy.

Greenfluffycardi · 10/04/2024 14:48

No yanbu. I’d be furious. Why the hell was he even looking at the camera inv you’re at home. How often does he check on you. That would really odd me off. As for the chips that’s just selfish, childish behaviour.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/04/2024 14:47

Like others I also hope you've not been in the habit of sending naked selfies to him, because with someone this disloyal I wouldn't like to think where they'd end up

Do be careful OP; even without the violation he's clearly not a decent man to have tried to manipulate you with what "others" might think, and while he may be apologetic ATM that won't alter his basic nature