Jealous of friends wedding

you can have a marriage without having a massive wedding. I think you’re being unreasonable, yeah. There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind and deciding that you want to protect yourself and make a commitment to your partner in front of everyone. But I’m biased because I don’t understand people who have children without being married.

That’s the issue with a non amicable split, you have zero idea how your partner or even yourself would behave because it’s emotional. Verbal agreements mean nothing.

Wedding aside, in the UK there’s a big difference in being married or not. Verbal agreements means nothing. I’d do some more research about it and make sure you are certain-even if you just go to registry office. https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

I really hope you are not a SAHM whilst unmarried, it’s so so high risk.

You're allowed to change your mind OP, and it sounds like you have. Talk to your DP, have a tiny little do with immediate family and a pub lunch, doesn't have to be massive and fussy or expensive. But it does protect you, like others have said.

we have verbally agreed on arrangements should we ever split up (though I'm aware something legally binding would be more sufficient

This is just stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

All the women I know in my age group, over 40, who did not get married, and are with partners, wanted to but it was the man that dragged his heels. The women covered it up by saying it was they themselves not wanting it and it is just a piece of paper. However it was pretty obvious it was him and not her saying no go.

Only reason not to get married is if you already have children that you want to protect or would be financially disadvantaged in a divorce due to having more money. Which actually is a large amount of women nowadays.

Civil partnerships now too. Plus no need for a party, it’s a contract.

Op you are just very stupid. Go educate yourself or read on the countless of threads here about the foolishness of not being married and relying on verbal agreements.

I sort of get the jealousy.

We're both 50. No kids. Both have assets but mine much more.together 15 years.

It would be lovely to have a nice wedding. Have my dad make a nice speach. Get all family together before one if our parents aren't there.

But financially marriage is a big risk (for me) and no upside (yes iht but I'd be leaving assets to my nephew, him his side)

So it's a dilemma.

(And having a blessing seems a bit ott)

Maybe when it's clearer pre nups are enforceable we'll do it.

(And yes I realise lots of posts will say but what about love and you don't get the upside without the legal contract- but for most couples there is not much risk of marriage -particularly women who will be mothers)

Are you coming back, OP? I am really hoping you have a large inheritance, own your house outright and are completely financially independent…

All relationships end, whether through death or divorce/splitting up. It makes sense, therefore, to make absolutely sure everything is in place for when that happens, particularly as you have children.

God forbid anything happens to either of you whilst your children are small, but if it did, a marriage certificate would make everything a bit easier.

Might be worth seeing a financial advisor or solicitor to let you know all the advantages and disadvantages?

I remember being jealous of a colleague’s wedding - destination, beautiful strapless dress - I got married in a meringue. But - her marriage didn’t make it to the first anniversary. Mine is still going strong 34 years later.

we have verbally agreed on arrangements should we ever split up

lol.

So don't get married.

If you don't want to get married then why are you complaining that you're jealous of your friend's wedding?

This is honestly one of the weirdest threads I've seen on mumsnet.

"I don't want to get married but I'm jealous of my friend who's getting married"

What??

I never wanted to get married , I don’t see the point , I deal with divorces daily , weddings are nit even my thing . But a couple of years ago short of my 40s i suddenly decided I wanted to get married . I think it left my partner confused as he was always pushing for it and I was always saying no . He proposed last year we get married soon . It’s ok to change your mind !

The mumsnet mantra that all women should get married is not necessarily the case. Sticking with a career is a much better guarantee of financial security than marriage. Inheritance tax can be an issue though.

I did get married but didn’t get the white dress. I did slightly regret that until I talked to my friend about it and she said that she hated wedding dress shopping as the white dresses looked awful on her, didn’t suit her figure and made her cry. She ended up having to do a juice diet for months and spent weeks of anxiety worrying about her target weight so she would look ok. This made me realise that I would definitely look ridiculous in a traditional white dress as she was far more suited to those type of dresses than I am.

You’re confusing ‘marriage’ with wedding’. I got married, having never wanted to, purely because it was easier than having a solicitor draw up a document to replicate marital rights as much as one can. We did it in jeans on our lunch break with two witnesses. A party is something separate. That bit struck me as a colossal waste of time and cash, but you clearly hanker after a frock and a ceremony of some kind. So go for it.

Marrying and pushing ahead in your career aren’t mutually exclusive, though.

@PlasticOno they aren’t, but not everyone wants to get married.

Indeed. You run the risk of leaving yourself very vulnerable financially though.

I have read too many posts where women who don’t want to get married have had kids, gone part time/given up work and moved in with a man who didn’t put their name on the mortgage. When the man leaves a few years later, the woman is financially stuffed.

She's not confusing anything - she's jealous of friend wedding being center of attention and it sounding like good party but the Op doesn't want to get married.

Marginally better than the folk who have a wedding without thinking to much about the marriage or making sure the partner in the correct marriage partner.

Yes, but there are women who are not clueless about this stuff, they earn well and don’t want to get married. There are other women who want children but don’t want to marry the only person available who they can have with them. There are also women who want to stay with their partner but their partner doesn’t want to get married. Life is messy, complicated and sometimes people are ok with taking risks. They are not all ignorant fools who don’t know any better because they didn’t read a post about it on mumsnet.

Understanding that everyone is unique and has their own journey has helped me accept my feelings of envy and anxiety about wedding celebrations. I began to focus on what was truly important to me and my relationship, and began to find joy in my own accomplishments and moments with my partner. Communication with loved ones helped me clarify my feelings and come to the realization that it is important to accept myself as I am and strive for personal and family harmony without comparing myself to others.