To have just driven off?

OP this is for DH and his ex to sort out, it is on her to make sure SS is ready and waiting at the door, I say this as a mum to to an 11 year old and 15 year old DS. She could reasonably have left a 12 year old briefly while she went to work, maybe it should be the new set up that DH goes to get him? I might be way off the mark here, but how does SS feel about the 50:50 split? My parents split when I was a slightly older teen and did 50:50 and I hated it. I felt like I lived my life out of a bag and never had the stuff I needed, it was always at the other house. I had to think about where I was going to be each evening on top of demands of school work, I found it really unsettling

OMD, isn't it just peak Mumsnet for some to go off on a tangent and focus on the exact wrong thing!

You don't have to have Dh's ex's number - HE does.

As far as the actual issue goes, you've had the piss ripped out of you for long enough. Fair play to you for driving off. If DH wants you to continue to pick up DSC (and if you are even prepared to do so any more) he needs to accept that if SC is not out of the house within a couple of minutes of you arriving you will be leaving.

You're not a taxi service and you absolutely shouldn't be waiting for him to finish a round of feckin Fortnite or some other braindead shit, car full of kids or not! Basic respect for you is seriously lacking, here.

Put your foot down, OP. It's not your job to be a door mat to keep DSC or his Mum happy.

Nah, f that! One day my ss was home alone while dad nearly done at work( teen) and his grandad knocked on the door. Ss was in living room next to front door and kept yelling I'm just finishing a game for ten minutes, whilst leaving his poor grandad on the doorstep!
Well when he finally answered this did not go down well and my dh told him off later.
My sc do not live with their mum and when she visits I would always make sure they ready for her. It's about being respectful.

This. No12 year old needs to be gaming on a school night.
His mother should not allow him to start a game, before being picked up by Op.

Hoot the horn a few times!

or as mother she could not allow the Xbox on or turn it off mid game if he won’t stop. Then the WW2 fall out would result in a gaming ban for a desired length of time. I really can’t comprehend kids dictating to adults.

Why is the kids game and it is just that a game not real life being made to be the end of the world and more important than respecting someone’s time.

not a great lesson to be teaching the kid. Get him an Xbox ? Sounds a great idea to spend hundreds so the problem can continue

I can’t find the original post that the “whiny” kids comment was made in or who the poster was but seriously?

I have a 1 and 3 year old and they are usually very chilled out for toddlers but after a full day in childcare, when I pick them up at the same time as OP, they are overtired, over stimulated and hungry! I would not want to sit in a stationary car with them for any longer than I had to! I would absolutely have left after 5 mins, and even that’s generous in my opinion!

Seems on MN being a stepmum means you have to be treated like a servant by DP/ExDP and DSC, when it suits them.

Must do all the fetching and carrying and accept DSC as one of your own, treat them exactly the same as you would a birth child but when it comes to discipline or setting rules/boundaries like you would with your own DC, don't you dare apply the same to the DSC, not your job to do that.

You are not being unreasonable but many children have problems getting themselves off the xbox and it is very difficult for an adult to get them off when they are in a game and it causes a lot of friction. WW2 level friction.

The problem is they don't know if a game will be 5 minutes or 30 minutes. So they might have 10 minutes and take the chance to start a new game. (The games are so addictive they can't themselves).

If they leave the game half way through, not only are they letting down their team mates and losing points (which are important to them) but they can also get banned from the game for a certain amount of time which they really don't want because this is the main way they socialise and kids of this age live to socialise.

So you want to broker a deal: this is causing me a lot of problems because the kids go nuts in the car. If you do your homework from 5.30 and I'll try and always be there at 6.00, then if you are ready when I pick you up, you can have a game with no time pressure at home while I put the young ones to bed. If you have no xbox at your house, let him take it with him or get one.

Or maybe she doesn't want to waste even more time getting toddlers in and out of car seat because a 12 year old is too bloody inconsiderate to come out of the house in time.

My DD tried this a couple of times. She ended up having to walk to where she needed to go. Bit more considerate after that

Because, being married to him, the OP can reasonably ask him to get this situation working, if he wants her to continue to assist him with his son, whereas she has no relationship with the boy’s mother.

As an aside, what's the betting the DH has never done this pick-up including getting the toddlers from nursery and then the son, or if he has, does his son feel as comfortable messing him around like he does the OP?

That's why the dad needs to be involved.

Why can’t she just get her son ready? I would be pissed off as well if he kept me waiting so he can finish playing a game.

Very telling people saying they “wouldn’t even wait for their own child that long”

I am in the would’ve driven off after 5 minutes maximum camp and I agree with those saying DH hasn’t covered himself in glory on this one. I would do one strike and your out or it’s just going to escalate into more bad feeling which I’m sure you don’t want OP.

You were more than reasonable.
Leave him every time he is not ready and out the door within three minutes. Set the time. Keep it the same and text confirming five minutes in advance.

You are doing his Mum and Dad a favour. They should be making sure ss is ready.

Yanbu op! You are being kind and helpful and they're throwing your generosity in your face. If I were passing I'd still pick him up- but there's be a five minute window from my text to say "I'm here " and my departure. With or without him.
Although as you are under no obligation to favours for his parents (not even his dad) if you were to pack it in that too would be reasonable imo.

Both him and his parents need to learn not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Which thread are you reading, because it’s clearly not this one. OP isn’t doing any of this. It appears that custody is 50/50, and she’s already doing the ‘decent thing’ and picking him up. What she’s not doing is allowing him to take the piss by leaving her waiting upwards of 20 minutes in the car because he can’t drag his arse off his game. There is nothing whatever to suggest she’s shunning him or anything else your utterly daft post is implying.

Agreed. The boy’s parents need to get a grip and teach him how to stop gaming when he’s told.

There is no way I would be waiting for a 12 year old to finish gaming while two preschoolers are tired and need to go home.

YANBU They know what time you are roughly going to arrive allowing for traffic etc, his mum should make sure he's ready to go. .Just finishing his game & making you wait all that time is damn right disrespectful, you're doing them (his ex, SC and your DH) all a favour and this is how they treat you. I would stop doing it and let them make alternative arrangements.
So your house is not on her way to work, boo hoo ,hard luck! You tried making her life easier even though you didn't have to, if she's got no interest it making it go smoothly then that's on her. SHE will have to set out earlier and drop him off at yours then if your DH won't speak to them about it. Good luck, stand your ground OP

Whilst I agree DSC was totally out of order and shouldn't be keeping you more than 60 secs/2 mins max, I think it's wrong to take that classic MN attitude of "it's not my kid, I'm not even looking at them, let alone doing a single thing for them coz...biology" is pretty despicable, especially when you're married and have become their StepDM. Of course you don't have to go out of your way to pick DSC up but as his Stepparent it would be the decent thing to do (NOT saying that you should be waiting anymore than 2 mins though, to be clear!!)

I've never had a Stepparent and my DC will never have a StepDM but in my personal opinion, speaking generally here and not specifically about OP's situation, they shouldn't be practically shunned, purely because they're not biologically yours.

Her child, her problem. His timekeeping is for his parents to deal with, not you.

They are toddlers.

They won't be in bed long after you get in if you are picking them up at 5:30/6pm.

How can they think it's reasonable to waste the already short amount of time you get to spend with your own DC on a weekday evening? And for the sake of what? It makes no sense and you hold your ground. Very unfair of them to inconvenience you and your little DC so regularly and nonchalantly. Couldn't imagine leaving someone sitting outside my house for 20 mins unless something was actually happening.

So @YaMuvva is the ex right?

I wouldn't hang around for my own kids, or husband, for twenty minutes in that situation. And quite frankly, five would be a one off, with a bloody strong warning to be outside, ready and waiting, next time, or I'd be driving off, and there wouldn't be a third time. Thereafter their father and mother (in your situation), could pick up the responsibility for getting their offspring where they need to be, when they need to be there, and forget about offloading it on to me. Permanently.

I don't do waitings -certainly not for a child to 'finish their game'.

I often wonder what kind of massive cunt dismisses the feelings of SM and her 2 toddlers entirely and thinks that being born to family number 2 means they should be treated like second class citizens by family number 1

This!
It seems (from this thread and others) that first wives have a massive chip on their shoulder and I wonder if they realise how ridiculous they sound.
All children are equally important, being born from a first wife does not make a child more worthy.

It’s a common mistake by new posters. MN is not that easy to navigate at first. No need for your snarky reply. Most people respond to those kinds of accidental post with humour or advice. Apart from you it seems.