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Original poster

To speak to my adult son's employer?

116 replies

blarneebeekeeper · 09/04/2024 19:20

My son (20) works for a large company that provides various services within a larger organisation, both are national and well known. My son applied, interviewed, and has a contract for a specific job role within the company. For reason that have not been disclosed, they have moved him from the role that he has being doing for over 2 years, to a similar titled, but very different role. His old role was not public facing at all, behind the scenes in a small team, the new roles is entirely public facing, communicating with people is probably 90% of the job, but its working with the public in its entirety. They have told him he has 2 options, he either does the new position, or he quits.

My Son is diagnosed ASD, has been for over 15 years. The company he works for are aware of this. I attended a recruitment event with him when he was just turned 18, and at the informal pre interview i was sat with him. They allowed me to attend the formal interview in order to help him complete paperwork, however i didn't go into the actual interview with him. They were aware at recruitment stages that he wanted a non-public facing position, as he didn't want to have to communicate with 100s of different people on a daily basis, that he wanted the job role he is contracted to do. They are also aware that my son likes routine and struggles with change that is thrusted on him without prior warnings. As such he does a set 4 on 4 off rota, instead of random shifts and has stayed in the same area of the organisation for the whole 2 years (the role he has covers about 8 different areas within the large organisation, my son does 1 of the areas every shift).

This change being unexpectedly forced upon him this morning has caused him to have a huge meltdown. I was on the phone with him for close to an hour as he was having an anxiety attack about being forced into a job role he isn't suitable for, because he doesn't have any say in the change, because this is a 2 year routine that he is in, going in and doing the same thing every single week. He cannot cope with this change. His emotional maturity is much younger than he actually is. But he has done so well in this role, he loves his job, he doesn't want to leave it. He has spoken in the past about how this is a job he can do for life and how pleased he was to have found a job he loves that fits his needs.

In the circumstances, would IBU to try and meet with his line manager with him, to communicate the things he cant? There's no union or similar, HR are not based in our city. The company is notoriously poor to work for, however up until now, barring some issues he was able to fix, they have been supportive of my son.

(Part of me is wondering as he is close to turning 21 if this is a way of getting rid of him before they have to give him a sizable pay rise)

OP posts:
ontheflighttosingapore · 10/04/2024 19:19

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/04/2024 19:16

*WandaWonder · Yesterday 19:26

No you don't speak to an adults employer, if they are old enough/capable with special needs to do a job they are old enough to speak for themselves*

How would someone with mutism ‘speak up for themselves?’

A mute person would communicate through writing

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/04/2024 19:16

*WandaWonder · Yesterday 19:26

No you don't speak to an adults employer, if they are old enough/capable with special needs to do a job they are old enough to speak for themselves*

How would someone with mutism ‘speak up for themselves?’

ontheflighttosingapore · 10/04/2024 19:14

No don't don't do that he is an adult after all. But I suggest you help him to write a letter explaining everything and hope that they will put him back to his previous role though I suspect they have done this knowing he can't and maybe as a way of getting him out He could also take it up with hr but regardless of his disability his is an adult and has been working In an adult environment so his mum getting involved really won't look good I don't think

helpfulperson · 10/04/2024 19:13

Having support in a meeting is a reasonable adjustment. Obviously you need to be careful you aren't taking over and are just supporting but I'm sure you are able to do that. So help him arrange a meeting and ask to bring a supporter. Then sit quietly unless you need to support.

The only reason I would see an employer refusing this was if you had a track record of phoning up demanding things or had been in a meeting and demanded things - neither of which it sounds like you have in mind.

StormingNorman · 10/04/2024 19:12

Do not under any circumstances speak to his employer. It will reflect very badly on your son who is a grown man. If you must, draft an email that he can send to his manager or HR.

It is equally important that you speak to your son and use this as a life lesson for him. It is reasonable for a company to move staff around if the job you do is no longer needed.

StMarieforme · 10/04/2024 19:12

OP I can understand why you might be tempted but it won't be accepted well I'm afraid.
Ignore the rude "if he's old enough/ capable etc" type reply. Your son needs support regardless of age or capability.
What you can do is speak to ACAS about reasonable adjustment, so you get the facts.
How long has he been there? 2 years is the magic number. He then has full rights and they can't just threaten him out.

Backtothe90ties · 10/04/2024 19:11

Access to work may be able to offer a mentor to support him to raise a grievance or case as part of his disability. You need ACAS advice and possibly his GP to support some time off until this is sorted.

StMarieforme · 10/04/2024 19:09

WandaWonder · 09/04/2024 19:26

No you don't speak to an adults employer, if they are old enough/capable with special needs to do a job they are old enough to speak for themselves

Good grief.

mitogoshi · 10/04/2024 19:08

No it's not reasonable for you to contact them and whether it's reasonable for them to make the change will depend on why, do they no longer need his previous position?

TwoBlueFish · 10/04/2024 19:06

As a parent of a young adult with a disability I think it’s fine to advocate for him. If possible I’d support him to arrange a meeting with HR for both of you. I’d also speak to ACAS.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 10/04/2024 19:00

blarneebeekeeper · 09/04/2024 19:47

I don't work for the same company, essentially just in the same building, so i don't know his managers, or any management for that company, but i see, work alongside, and deal with their staff continuously so know when they are short staffed. Just happening upon them informally for a chat isnt possible really, i would have to seek them out or arrange it prior to it happening.

Show quote history

So what outcome you expect from this so-called "informal chat"

I've never been a manager nor wanted to be as you have to deal with a lot of bagged in some cases. If you spoke to me, I'd be seriously careful not to allow something to be used against me, EG, "she said, he said, they said." I hope you understand what I am saying

So dont do it. Help your son with questions to ask, write up an email or have a formal meeting where he may be allowed to take in an advocate.

Caution is strongly advised if you have the meeting as you may not like what you hear as often, mamagers stick togehter

Good luck

Sweetwatertaste · 10/04/2024 18:59

Something similiar happened to my role many years ago. I went HR and they said the boss couldn’t actually substantially change my job without consultation I think she said. Basically in the end they just gave me a payrise to shut me up. It was a good move career wise but I was sad as I loved the original job.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/04/2024 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What point? ASD is a disability. Just like any other disability.

I really hope my ASD daughter never comes across someone as discriminatory as you.

MsVictoria · 10/04/2024 17:18

I'd be very interested to hear the outcome of this OP. I work in senior management and I think my company are reasonably educated in terms of adjustments etc but we've not had as much exposure as I'm sure we will in the future.
I do have some team members with ASD and it's definitely a learning curve understanding needs and making sure we are as inclusive as possible.

DriftingDora · 10/04/2024 16:58

This reply has been deleted

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ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/04/2024 14:36

This reply has been deleted

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In what way is saying a disabled person with a communication disorder needs an advocate disablist?

WarshipRocinante · 10/04/2024 13:19

What do you mean that there is no union? Any employee in the UK can join a union. Your employee doesn’t provide the union for you. Anyone can join a union and they will help you when in dispute with your employer to make sure they follow the law etc.

DriftingDora · 10/04/2024 13:15

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Irridescantshimmmer · 10/04/2024 12:39

Contact ACAS, or suggest your son does to get an idea of where he stands with the 'reasonable adjustments' which the employer is expected to make for him.

Original poster
blarneebeekeeper · 10/04/2024 12:22

Thank you for the replies. He has gone in today as planned, we spoke about it last night and initially he is going to be paired with someone else so wont have to speak to people really, so he is going to do this training period and see what happens. In the mean time im going to see if we can get a professional advocate and arrange a meeting with his line manager/general management. Though according to the line manager and the conversation he had with him, now i have had more details once he got home last night, the line manager doesnt know why he is being moved and also told my son he has expressed it would be better for him to stay in the area he is in currently with managers, but he was over ruled.

My son is an adult, yes, and i understand the posters that have said this, however, my son also ended up with sepsis and in hospital for nearly 3 months due to self harm that got infected following an event that pushed him outside of his comfort zone when he was 17. I nearly lost him. My worries for him aren't just around his employment, but also his mental health. This job not only gave him independence, but it has helped his mental health no end, having purpose and routine. He has become a different person since he started this role. Moving company's jobs and roles may seem like nothing, but the potential impact to his mental health and confidence is massive. He may be a "fully grown man" but he is still my child, and he is still in need of support to a similar extent my 15 year old is. They may be able to go to school and work and function, but they are not capable of being completely independent just yet.

I also know there were no issues in his abilities in his job. As i said, i work in the same organisation and building, around his colleagues, i know he did the job to the same standard as others, as again its not a job you can really get wrong, its manual, repetitive, logistic based, moving things from point a to point b. There were no performance issues, which is why we cant understand the push from higher management, who by all accounts he has never dealt with, he only deals with his line manager who was supportive of him staying in the area he is in.

OP posts:
Notonmy · 10/04/2024 11:36

It may be that some people commenting may not have experience of having a young adult DC with ASD. I know that it’s very difficult and that it's a fine line between helping/advocating and also trying to help with confidence/independence. Having said that, you know your DS best, so will know if it’s best to just support or actually advocate for him. Good luck again, I know it’s not easy.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/04/2024 11:28

DriftingDora · 10/04/2024 11:23

Your comments are utterly ridiculous and like comparing apples and pears. Is this really the best you can do?

Show quote history

Your attitude it disablist and ignorant.

Is this really the best you can do?

DriftingDora · 10/04/2024 11:23

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/04/2024 09:42

I have an ASD Dd. I’m her advocate all the time. It’s like someone who can’t walk using a wheelchair.

Would that be unprofessional? ASD is essentially a communication disorder. So should the ds not use his aid? And the person who can’t walk not use the wheelchair? Which is also an aid? Or someone who is VI not use their white stick.

Show quote history

Your comments are utterly ridiculous and like comparing apples and pears. Is this really the best you can do?

Click16 · 10/04/2024 09:49

My eldest son is 25 with ASD he also struggles with his mental health during a bad crisis last year at my son’s request I made contact with his line manager to explain what the situation was. The line manager responded positively and was able to arrange some time off work with pay while my son got the help he needed. I would not hesitate to step in if asked my son is independent but at times he ASD will cause overwhelm and he needs someone to advocate for him. Do what you feel is right for your son.