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Original poster

To not send requested photos to dc’s dad?

36 replies

Porkipyne · 09/04/2024 17:42

I have Two children ds (9) dd(8) and there dad is not massively involved. He’s seen them probably collectively for about 6 hours out of choice in the last 3 months and pays child support on an order as he refused to pay on his own accord for over a year. I haven’t heard for him in a couple of weeks and he’s requested photos of the children. It’s really rubbed me up the wrong way as I’ve been a completely solo working parent for the entire Easter holidays without a single break and have taken them to so many lovely places. I am exhausted though and i just feel like he didn’t deserve them. I know it’s petty and will probably cause an argument but I’m tempted to just say that i haven’t taken any photos of them recently and leave it at that. Am I being unreasonable?

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faxnoink · 10/04/2024 09:04

He 100% wants them for social media. "Miss my kids, haven't been allowed to see them for months. The system is rigged"

Do as pp said and either send him photos of kids that aren't yours, one with you in it or completely ignore him.

Freddiefan · 10/04/2024 08:25

Myonlysunshine123 · 10/04/2024 08:13

Send pictures of the 3 of you, with you smack bang in the middle so they can't be edited, arms around each other etc, cheek to cheek😁😁

This is what I was going to say.

Starlightstarbright3 · 10/04/2024 08:20

i would also ignore .

Any response is encouraging this nonsense .

Myonlysunshine123 · 10/04/2024 08:13

Send pictures of the 3 of you, with you smack bang in the middle so they can't be edited, arms around each other etc, cheek to cheek😁😁

Codlingmoths · 10/04/2024 05:56

You can take photos of the kids when you are looking after them. They could be free to go out with you Saturday from 1pm, I’m sure they’d love a sleepover if you wanted to do a weekend of it.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 10/04/2024 05:42

I’d send him a photo with you in the middle of the kids (therefore he can’t claim to be parent to the year to the new lady friend) or a blurry far away photo - a bit of malicious compliance - you have been the bigger person in theory and sent the photo but oh well you aren’t very good at taking photos shrug 🤣🤣

Takenoprisoner · 10/04/2024 05:21

Porkipyne · 09/04/2024 17:52

Oh good, I haven’t replied yet because I’m seething so didn’t want to overreact. I think I still better give it half an hour 😂

send an old one he's already seen. that way you've sent A photo but not one of your lovely new ones. He doesn't deserve it.
Even better, send him one he's sent you. then act all confused if he says anything. and cackle to yourself.

he's a knob and missing out. you're awesome and your dc are lucky to have you.

Murdoch1949 · 10/04/2024 04:20

He needs to take his own photographs.

SoupChicken · 09/04/2024 19:44

ByUmberViewer · 09/04/2024 19:28

Honestly just ignore the request. You're not his PA. I think this might be him wanting you to jump when he says so, like a power/control thing, as opposed to actually wanting photo's of the kids.

Just because someone messages you, doesn't mean you have to respond.

This.

Don’t respond, if he brings it up again just say ‘oh, I did see your message but I was busy and I forgot to reply’

RobinEllacotStrike · 09/04/2024 19:40

I wouldnt even reply to that request.
He can take his own photos when he spends time with his children

TomeTome · 09/04/2024 19:38

Just ignore the request and focus on any other parts of the interaction that you want to respond to.

i have to say sending photos of children that look a bit like yours would be glorious, but probably not wise.

Luckydog7 · 09/04/2024 19:32

MistyGreenAndBlue · 09/04/2024 17:49

Tell him he can take as many pics of them as he likes- when he's looking after them

He's probably been asked to show his kids by some lady friend who he's been playing Father of the Year to

Screw that!

Edited

Was thinking exactly the same. Someone has noticed he doesn't have pictures of them around the house or on his phone.

ByUmberViewer · 09/04/2024 19:28

Honestly just ignore the request. You're not his PA. I think this might be him wanting you to jump when he says so, like a power/control thing, as opposed to actually wanting photo's of the kids.

Just because someone messages you, doesn't mean you have to respond.

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 09/04/2024 19:25

I would leave it until the weekend and then reply telling him that's a great idea, you can do a photo swap of the kids, he can go first.

I would really want to photoshop their faces onto photos of extreme sports and dangerous situations and send them to him though 🤣

StripeyDeckchair · 09/04/2024 19:23

In the future take loads of the three of you together & only send those to him.

He can't pass them off as his (fictitious) days out then.

HanaJane · 09/04/2024 19:15

Yeah this would annoy me too, if he wants photos he should spend time with his kids and take some! I used to have this with a family member, hardly saw them but they would ask for photos of my kids then next thing they would be on facebook Angry
Just ignore the message and say you forgot if he asks about it?

Shouldbeworkingnotreadingtalk · 09/04/2024 18:51

DrJoanAllenby · 09/04/2024 18:38

Get a photo off the internet of children that have the same colour hair and send it to him.

If he replies saying that's not them then tell him 'How would you know? You've hardly seen them?!'

Smilelove it.

missin · 09/04/2024 18:48

My abusive ex once got upset I had sent him photos - he wasn't emotionally ready for them apparently (he was very absent from them, his own choice after split)

Just don't respond to that tbh, yeah there's plenty of snarky things you can tell them but IME it doesn't change anything and just provides the row they're hoping for to excuse themselves from doing anything themselves

Concannon88 · 09/04/2024 18:39

If he saw them he could take his own photos or wouldn't need them

DrJoanAllenby · 09/04/2024 18:38

Get a photo off the internet of children that have the same colour hair and send it to him.

If he replies saying that's not them then tell him 'How would you know? You've hardly seen them?!'

dirtyblond · 09/04/2024 18:10

Send him lots of photos of them having a lovely time with you, and him missing out on all of it

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/04/2024 18:10

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2024 17:50

don't explain, don't excuse yourself, don't apologise.

to his request I'd say something along the lines;

him; I'd like pictures of the kids over Easter
me; I'd like maintenance payments... It's not my job to provide you with photographs, I'd be happy to discuss access and visitation for you, where you can see and look after your children and that should give you plenty of opportunity to take some photos. I won't be providing you with photos.

This. What an absolute jerk he is.

PBandJ111 · 09/04/2024 18:09

If he messaged you today, leave it a few days to rsvp

ZipZapZoom · 09/04/2024 17:53

Porkipyne · 09/04/2024 17:52

Oh good, I haven’t replied yet because I’m seething so didn’t want to overreact. I think I still better give it half an hour 😂

Probably sensible.

Although I'm now questioning what's more unreasonable his request or the fact 13% of those who have voted actually think you're unreasonable??

Original poster
Porkipyne · 09/04/2024 17:52

Oh good, I haven’t replied yet because I’m seething so didn’t want to overreact. I think I still better give it half an hour 😂

OP posts: