DP and arguments over my shoes

Have you looked at 50s style shoes? They're girlie but with attitude imo.

I don't think I wore heels when I met my DH mainly cos he was just an inch or so taller than I am, but I did wear sandals and court-style shoes as well as boots etc.

I'm not going to comment on whether you should wear other shoes, I think that's for you to decide. Dr Martins as much as I love them, are not sexy....!!!

To paraphrase Glennon Doyle:

Your first duty to yourself is to disappoint everyone else before you disappoint yourself. Especially when you’re weighing up self betrayal against the visual pleasure of a man.

I dunno, I would probably meet halfway if going out somewhere special like something from irregular choice. Wouldn’t do the dress thing but would be happy to wear shoes instead of docs sometimes. Nit really any different from asking him to wear a shirt instead of a T-shirt or jumper.

Yeah. A & Es around the world are FULL of seriously injured high heel wearing women …NOT!

So, it's ok for YOU to tell OP how to dress?

I am actually with him on the DM I think they look awful. My Dd however adores them and wears them all the time.

So she has DM and I tell her she looks lovely. She knows DM is not my style but its hers and that's her expression.

If you want to meet him somewhere in the middle have a look at DMs more shoe like styles perhaps he would be ok with that?

I don't think you can go to heels after DM ..

I understand your situation,my DP asks me to wear heels,and altough I like the look I am not comfortable wearing them…I admit I do for short periods of time..but I hate when he asks.he always complements my look,but rather heels and tight fitting clothes.we have had arguments about the topic..he does not see it as controlling more a look he likes and thinks it’s okay to suggest what I should wear.its not something he asks day to day just when we having time together as a couple…he would argue it’s making an effort..

I think some PPs are missing the point. It doesn’t matter in the least if they like Doc Martens. The only thing that matters is that the OP likes them. She should ignore her boyfriend’s attempts to change her style.

But beyond the shoe issue is the OP’s troubling notion that she has a duty to wear what he wants because he pays for everything. I really hope that you find some strength and self-respect @cocunutand forget about this guy. He’s not a keeper.

One day you’ll look back on this relationship as The-One-You-Weren’t-Compatible-With.

i’m totally on board with the ‘earlier different tribes’ comment!

We have very similar style. Albeit I'm much older. Please don't change. Be yourself and he should love you for that ❤️

OK, I kinda see his point about Doc Martens in certain settings. Even when I was young, and they were all the rage, there were places that I did NOT wear them. And outfits I did not wear them with. Fortunately for you, the choice is NOT between Doc Martens and high heels. There are a host of very pretty low-heeled or kitten-heeled (1/2") shoes to choose from. They are comfy to walk in. There are even dressy ballet flats out there. Get ONE pair of those in a neutral color, and break them out for "dressy" occasions. Other than that, stick with your beloved Doc Martens. It's a tiny compromise. It isn't a matter of changing who you are, so much as expanding who you can be, just a tiny bit.

So I wouldn’t move to high heels. Not comfortable and doesn’t sound like you.

but are there are any shoes you might like that he might like? Maybe as an occasional change? But I would only do this if you genuinely like them.

I probably would point out that high heels are uncomfortable and can be bad for your feet/back.

No idea what you're talking about. Beige?! Picking myself out in a line up?! What's that got to do with anything? Mum boot??!

I had one like this once. Always moaning on about my trainers. Always Adidas and always clean. I told him to fuck off and married another Adicollector instead.

I don’t wear high heels or doc martens. There are plenty of other choices

Good luck picking yourself out in a line up, never mind anyone else. Are they all beige?

How totally lacking in imagination. That is the full "Mum Boot" outfit!

See....you are not the only one who can be nasty

My Dh before we got married took me out for meals and holidays which he paid for (I was skint). He never once complained about me wearing flats, I’m not a bloody doll.

Did he come from 1995 in his Time Machine? Nobody wears heels and tight dresses anymore. You’d look ridiculous. If he’s so keen on them he can wear them himself. That said, this relationship has a sort of trophy girlfriend/sugar daddy vibe to it, so if you want to keep getting the goodies you may have to start wearing the stillies 😂

I think doc martins are the ugliest things ever. But you shouldn't let yourself be controlled by him.

Oh dear, I must be mutton dressed as lamb then. 😂

@cocunut As a fellow DM wearer/collector/obsessive I agree that Irregular Choice is a good way to go. They are expensive but.....get your ass on ebay or FB Marketplace. A lot of women buy them for a one off event and then sell them, you can get them for a song. I own several pairs of the Peach Melba shoes and they originally cost £180 I think, the most I paid for a pair (worn once) was £37.

But I say again....only if you want to.

I really don’t like the sound of this man and I agree with the PP that he sounds like he’s negging you and has some toxic ideas about women. But honestly OP “wanting the princess treatment” or more accurately wanting a man to fund your lifestyle is completely unreasonable not to mention risky - relying on someone else’s money is all well and good when it’s just holidays and meals out, but what about when it’s everything - your house, your spending money? If the relationship goes sour you need to be able to afford to leave.

If you want a certain lifestyle either you aim to provide that for yourself, or you live within your own means. It sounds like you want him to bankroll you indefinitely? Not a great equal dynamic.

I never wear heels and wear flat sandals, boots and trainers.
Going against the grain here but I have never liked DM boots or shoes.
My husband wears trainers almost everywhere - not trendy ones but those used for running and look like longboats. I really dislike them and bought him some brown suede boots which he won’t wear. Really wish he would - it would show me that he cared about what I think! He could look so lovely and he’s a great other half.
Your post reminded me that I have done a similar thing to what your DP asked of you. I still wish that the trainers would go.

I hate grunge style/DMs/trainers and I hate Oh Polly / short tight dress style. I find both unsophisticated and immature, personally. Sort of thing teenagers wear. I agree with others there is a happy medium. A nice shirt dress from equipment with feminine boots, a midi reformation dress with pumps... something like that.

https://www.asos.com/prd/204962312?acquisitionsource=pasteboard

what about black ankle boots?

fyi I think you should only dress for yourself not a man, and whatever youre comfortable in! Him paying doesn’t mean you owe him pretty. But if its for yourself that’s different. Feminism is about choice, don’t let him dictate yours with his wallet.