DP and arguments over my shoes

This my view.
I always ware flats for walking and work.
But dressing up and I gave heels.
Love them.
Sadly I'm getting so I can't ware them - various health reasons.

My husband calls my docs my "bitch boots" and I love them, always have. We sound very similar (including ND although not diagnosed until last year when I was in my 40s and my son was going through diagnosis)
If I am dressing up I go for irregular choice boots or shoes.
I understand wanting to dress up for someone else but the way you feel will impact you and your confidence. Rock your style your way

Why do different generations love to group Gen Z as one? Bet you get upset when people generalise about people your age.

I'd ask him to start wearing heels first and you follow. Why should women have to be uncomfortable for the pleasure of a man.

Is it not enough we have periods, pregnancy , menopause, continuous risk of being raped/sexually assaulted, not being treated equally in society, lower pay.

Just say no.

You aren't the only one to have doubts about this thread.

Huh? Of course women still wear lovely dresses and heels. We don’t all come from the dregs.

Why dregs?

He can be a very nice guy who pays for a lot of outings etc. and still NOT be your person.

Your styles are totally different, as are your views on this.

Sorry, but you need to keep looking for the person who will think the way you are is awesome and needs no changing.

Huh? Of course women still wear lovely dresses and heels. We don’t all come from the dregs.

Just remember for every person who hates/dislikes the DM. There is an equal number who love them.

I don't wear DM. But I do wear 90% of the time, a pair of black mens workboots. Wore em today while out shopping in a flowy dress. Why? They're comfy, and they make me feel good. And that's the only thing that matters.

Your shoes are your choice. They make you feel good, comfy, confidant. He fell in love with you for who you are. If you start to make changes towards the way he "prefers" women to dress you'll be uncomfortable, and resentment will form.

Stay true to you. Rock that style!

LTB

I have a similar style to you OP and live in Docs.

I also dated this arsehole at the same point in my life and his abusive behaviour crept in with “oh if you just did x with your hair/wore x…” and insisting he paid for things. We were soooo similar though (until it became apparent that was part of his behaviour to reel me in).

Keep your docs and tread carefully. They’re a lot easier to run away in.

OP, start practising saying “I like them, I don’t want to hear anymore about it”. Also, “Don’t tell me how to dress”.
I’ve been with one of these for 30 years now. It’s very important that you wear the clothes/style that you like and are comfortable in. His job is to say “You look great”.
After 30 years I sometimes say “Are you wearing those runners?” To remind him how annoying it is when he does it.

I'm a Goth and if any bloke tried to change that I'd tell them to fuck off. Don't actually own any DMs at the moment, ankle boots and sneakers are my thing though. Haven't owned high heels in years. Boyfriend is perfectly happy with my style, and if he wasn't he wouldn't be my boyfriend! My style is what he found attractive about me when he first met me. 😊 He's quite eccentric himself, so we get on well together.

Yikes! They are so not pretty! Turn off actually. Sorry, but I’m with your boyfriend. Nothing wrong with looking elegant in a sensible pair of heels. I would pull my husband up if he started looking sloppy.

My husband pays for absolutely everything and did right from the outset when we first met in 1997. I’m a woman and love being treated as such. He has a deep sense of family and commitment and would never dream of me paying for anything.

Also please don’t refer to yourself as a manic pixie dream girl, that term is kinda demeaning and just another bs thing thought up by men x before I met my Dh someone really put me off them by calling me that. Side note I know lol but I hate that term lol

If he wants you to wear high heels so much, he can take himself off to Jimmy choo and get you a nice pair. He fell in love with you, stay true to yourself ❤️

Thank goodness I'm not the only one. DMs or trainers worn with pretty dresses look awful. I'll never get used to it.

YANBU for exactly this reason.

Appearance is definitely significant but insisting someone change is weird and a losing battle.

I personally don't find an alternative/indie style on a guy attractive.

You know what? I just don't date guys who have this style.

I can't start dating someone with this style and then say....can you throw away your band T-shirts and converse and take your piercing out and cut your hair as I'm embarrassed! It's his body his choice.

Thinking back to dating in my 20's, it was perfectly possible to meet guys who were up for commitment, good "catches" and happy to take on a more traditional protective dating role (if that's your preference) but didn't need the Daily Mail fitted flattering dress and make-up and wedges look.

Comfortable shoes and warmer clothes so you could have a night out without freezing to death was probably the priority!

In fact, looking at all the young trendies on IG, they all dress quite mismatched and baggy don't they? Even the posh ones.

The overly sexy/bodycon look is a bit like "helloooooo....
2000 wants its dresses back".

As an early 20 something woman you no doubt look absolutely amazing (and can get serious attention) wearing about anything.

A normal mainstream heterosexual man should not be examining your footwear to feel excited by you.

He knew what your style was when he started dating you though?

There has been a lot of kindly meant advice on this thread re compromising and trying more feminine versions of her current style but I feel they are missing the point.

Still, I kind of hope OP takes this advice as then she will hopefully wake up and see what many of us in this thread can see. That he will see this as a capitulation but not far enough - and he will keep pushing (now he has the go ahead) .

Prettier shoes will not be enough. He won't be happy until she goes full "Barbie".

I can almost hear him saying "well it's better, but it's not quite what I meant."

He basically wants you to look like a hooker 😯 I’d ditch him and find another indie kid instead.

True this

Can you imagine saying to him, “your hair just isn’t quite right, it makes you look like a sissy. I want a manly looking man. Can’t you ruffle it up and also don’t shave for a few days. I want to see and feel the stubble.”

Would you? No you wouldn’t would you because you respect that he can choose to present himself to the world as he wishes.

He’s rejecting part of who you are and telling you it doesn’t please him. He’s trying to change you.

There will be another “nice, lovely man” who may even pay for dinners that will love you in your DMs.

Just because this knob has got money you’ve gone all googley-eyed.

It’s like because he pays for diners you’re obliged to dress according to his tastes. Aren’t you selling yourself out? Trading diners for heels and sexing yourself up for him? Bit weird to me. Doesn’t sit right.

Totally don't change for him! What you can do is find out what he likes about your current style (e.g. does he love your DMs but hate trainers) and compromise to wear the stuff he does like when you have a special night out?

He fell for you and still loves you for you, so he can't be that bothered. If he hated your look you would never have got together.

Fine to wear 'that blue shirt which I always think looks so great on you' to please him. Not fine to buy stuff you hate. Don't even start down that road.....