DP and arguments over my shoes

What do you do? Get rid of your lame boyfriend and find someone who doesn’t try to tell you what to wear.

If you want to ditch the doc martins occasionally i would go for a less chunky ankle boot as a compromise. Mid heel (block heel not stiletto). Or wedge sandle if warmer.

Strappy sandals are the least comfortable shoes not ones to start with.

He has a lot of inner beauty. 😄
I love renovating destroyed houses and I always tell him he was my first successful project.

How about some trainers for an in-between shoe?? But sometimes it's nice to dress up for a special occasion

This thread is so depressing.

Why are people linking to shoes? They’re not for the OP, they’re for her boyfriend. And Irregular Choice will not be the style he is alluding to come on now. If she wants to please him, she might as well go straight to the fuck-me heels because that’s clearly what he’s talking about.

You are his protégée, OP. Good luck.

Was just coming on here to suggest these!

Perhaps you could pick some together? Some are really "out there" but some are more "normal" but not particularly high heels. Defo more girly than DM's so might be a nice compromise for going out out

Keep your style OP!

I personally don't like DMs With a nice dress as I do think it spoils it slightly but that's just my opinion. You do you!

You're who you are and clearly know what style you like and feel comfortable with. Don't try turning yourself into someone you're not - he either accepts you for who you are - if not, go and find himself his ideal girl, leaving you free to be yourself with someone who totally accepts who you are.

Op I think you should wear what you want to.

But if you feel like broadening your style a bit then why not start with some ballet pumps (maybe the weaved style ones with open toes) or flat strappy sandals, gladiator sandals etc that go really nicely with maxi dresses. But don't go changing your style completely to short dresses and high heels for him. Maybe just a little tweak so you and him feel more comfortable at smarter venues.

Really? Do you think it’s not genuine? I can never work these things out.

Please please don’t change for him. I’m not keen on the idea you feel you should maybe look more girly (shoe wise at least) because he pays for lots of things. Stay true to yourself. My ex was like this, his particular thing was women’s hair should be long. I liked having long hair but I resented the fact he made it clear short hair was a no-no. I wouldn’t put up with this kind of nonsense now.

Oh yes, just to add, high heels are very dated now. High heels and short dresses sound horribly tacky and out of date.

Nobody wears heels and tight dresses. I have literally never seen this. The shoes you’ve linked are 🤮

You mention you’re in your early 20s, how old is he? I’m in my early 30s and I honestly don’t know anyone who would go out in heels now unless it was for a very special occasion like a wedding or graduation!

It sounds like your style is very presentable and I’m assuming you are clean and tidy! He is unreasonable to say you are “ruining” outfits by wearing shoes you like. It’s not kind and it’s down to a matter of taste.

How would he feel if you made comparable statements about his appearance and clothing?

Don’t change for him - you’ll only feel uncomfortable and not like yourself. Coming from a fellow ND, you need to be comfortable!

MPDG is not something to aspire to. 🤮

That sounds awful. I'd feel so trapped.

"So for me, it’s important to be with someone who can provide nice experiences as I wouldn’t be able to afford them on my own"

If you want to have a job that you love but can’t pay for “lovely” days out, then you do without the days out I’m afraid. That is how the world works. If you want the days out, you go out and earn them. There is no such thing as a free lunch, when you make a choice, you give up something else. You’re young and dreaming of being this man’s kept wife even before you’ve moved in with him. But at what cost OP, nothing in life comes free. You will find this out over time.

🤮🤮🤮

It’s so not fine he’s trying to make you a bit girlier. Ugh.

I have never seen a single one of my 24yr old ds many female friends in a pair of heels, and DEFINITELY not stilettos. Not once. They all wear Doc Martins, Converse, Vans, whatever, platform versions of these, and they all look bloody fabulous.

Not once has my ds commented on their shoes or style of dress and suggest they should be girlie or change in any way, and I’d be very surprised if any of his male friends had.

I would hate being married to someone so old-fashioned with deeply sexist views. Why would he ‘never dream’ of you paying? Why do you not want to earn your own money? Why does being a woman mean being paid for? This must be a joke post surely.

I have been with my husband since 1995 and am glad that we both work and have true equality. As well as sharing a love of family and commitment. As well as treating each other of course!

The really disturbing thing here is that your post suggests that because he pays for things for you that somehow you owe him dressing differently. You don’t and as others have said he shouldn’t be making remakes about how you dress. It’s controlling and his paying for things might be a part of that. For me this is a red flag.

Bin him.

I had something similar in my earlier 20s. Totally wrecked my confidence for a few years. It starts with your clothes but ends with your self esteem.

I have a fairly eclectic style, formed in my goth years,tempered through work years and open to anything I fancy. Dms to heels. Scruff to glamour. Dh has bits he likes and bits he doesn't. He hates my hamble oaks with a passion, but he's only allowed to comment because we've been together a looong time and he knows I don't actually give a fuck what he thinks. Just like he insists on wearing orange, even though he really shouldn't

You sound very different to each other OP, and I have to be honest, you sound a lot cooler.

His style is what used to be more “conventional” in the 80’s, 90’s and noughties, but now would be seen as much less fashionable, less edgy and less on trend. Generally heels are mainly worn by much older women now (or those who are into aesthetic treatments such as lip fillers etc and idolise the likes of the Kardashians) and instantly age someone and make an outfit look tired. I think most posters criticising your look will likely be from one of those tribes.

Saying that, I think a low block heel/flat wedge can look good for an event, but I doubt he will be in to those as probably not “toxic feminity” enough for him! Women don’t need to dress themselves up as Barbie to look feminine, and if he can’t appreciate your feminity in DMs, boots or trainers, he probably has very old fashioned views of women!

Stick to who you are and what you wear, but I would pay for yourself. Your relationship sounds a little transactional?

Style evolves over time. I loved my Doc Martins and lived in them - I even ended up wearing them to a swish London wedding with a long floaty dress and jacket as it was too wet to wear my planned sandals!! My whole outfit was much admired........
Hippy chic was the description I think!!
I have a mixture of styles now in my 40s but still love my boots and floaty dresses/skirts. Do dress up too but struggle with heels (though do love them!)
You could try on other shoes and clothing to see if you find other things you like but don't feel forced into wearing short dresses or heels if you're not comfortable in them......

You do Barbie if he agrees to do 'Just Ken', bleached hair and all!

Have a rant yourself about his shoes and trousers telling him he is boring with his outfits and you would like he not ruining an outfit with those whatever he wears. See how he reacts.