DP and arguments over my shoes

It's a slippery slope. What happens when you're pregnant and massive? And even worse, post partum, sweaty, massive, leaky. You don't think it will happen to you but it will. Pregnancy and small children does not look the way Instagram tells you it looks. What happens when he complains you're not wearing heels then? You'll be vulnerable and poor and tied to a child, the fuck you're going anywhere.

It's a massive red flag, especially the way he is comparing you to other women. You clearly don't want to listen to us because you like he has money but make no mistake you are working for that money. You are arm candy, not an equal partner, and that's easy now. Come back in 10 years when you've been dumped and willing to listen.

MPDG?

Yep, the MPDG comment made me wince.

Are you being unreasonable to not want to change who you are to please a man who should love you for who you are? No you are not.

Nothing wrong with wanting to look nice for him sometimes - but the fact you cried when looking at heels and feel so insecure about wearing the clothes he likes shows that you are extremely uncomfortable at the thought and should not be doing things that make you feel that way .

I used to dress in heels all the time - but as I’ve got older I’ve chosen comfort more . My husband loves heels - he’s always buying me them . I wear them in the bedroom 🤣. He has never tried to get me to wear them more , I do wear them if we go out but to be honest sometimes he talks me out of it because of how I moan about my feet hurting!

but what happens when she dresses how he likes with the shoes he likes. What is the next thing she has to give him to earn her lovely days out?

more sex? different sex? what comes next in the slippery slide to changing who you are for a man?

If I was his mum, I’ll tell him to run for the hills. Wanting to build your life with a young woman who already decided she wants to be kept (when you don’t even live together!) is simply odd to hear in 2024. No matter if she will accept to be objectified in return.

As an older woman, I can only advise you to study, develop a career and make sure you can take over the financial burden of your family in case your “keeper” gets ill or whatever and can’t provide you anymore with your life “in the farm, rising kids”.

I think they are quite masculine too OP which is fine sometimes but I will comment further below on this.

However I wanted to say first off of COURSE you should not be thinking of changing your style to please anyone else. It sounds to me as though you have found a style you are very comfortable with and that’s great. Whatever you do don’t go out and buy 👠 if that just isn’t you.

That said, I do wonder if maybe you could use this as a kickstart to experiment for yourself ( not for others!) a little. Baggy jeans are fun and maxi dresses are great and super versatile: you could wear one to the beach or a wedding! However the DMs are really not so versatile. I totally get they have a place in your wardrobe ( and don’t ditch them!) but you couldn’t really wear them either of those places without perhaps drawing attention. I’m wondering if you could play around a little with your footwear just to give you a range of looks and stop your current look becoming a uniform. It’s great to feel comfortable but it’s even better to have a wider span of things you feel comfortable with and not to feel trapped by a style. Could you try first some flat strappy sandals with your normal clothes now we are coming into summer? It would only be the shoes that were different but would give you a much more feminine ( and cool in the heat!) alternative to mix things up a bit? Or maybe ballet flats? This could be your take on a slightly more sexy look, without dressing up as someone you are not. I can’t really see heels working without changing your whole look.

I definitely don’t think you should dress to please him but I do think if you are going to quite nice restaurants etc this might look a bit more sophisticated for those times - and you might come to enjoy being able to switch up your look a bit. For yourself.

Hmmm you can always go all feminist and refuse to wear anything but docs...

In my teens I was always in boots/trainers and the odd smart pair of low heeled flat shoes or with a very small heel but still flat. Then for my first job I had wear heels (it was the late 80s, natch). I found I actually enjoyed wearing them.

So you could try to wear heels, maybe lower ones or comfy higher heels, just on one offs, like going out somewhere special. Then he gets his nice look sometimes and you get to keep your docs for everyday, which is a good compromise I think.

My oh said he didn’t like my Docs now I think about it.

I didnt pay any attention: I don’t like all of his clothes and I don’t expect him to like all of mine. But it wasn’t in a « well fuck you im not changing what im wearing » vibe. I just completely ignored it haha

But this is about differences in style.

Some people prefer dressing down. Fancy restaurant or not.

@Ihearyousingingdownthewire back atcha with a chefs kiss for the superb name 👌

His hoop 😂😂😂 brava 👏🏻

If any fella compared me to what he thought was a more “put together” woman wearing a short skirt and heels then I would take my leave of the chauvinist pig and plant a DM in his hoop.

Yes, I detest my partners crocs, I would be embarrassed if he wore them out for a meal! There are plenty of suitable options between docs and stiletto heels.

I might get flamed for this but here goes.....
Whilst I don't believe in changing your style because he wants you to I do believe in "dressing appropriately for the occasion". For me if your going out for a nice meal then DMs and baggy jeans aren't appropriate.
I have told my DH on more then one occasion to go change his scruffy t-shirt for a smarter one or a shirt if we are going out for dinner to a nice restaurant (very occasional now).

So no you shouldn't put on high heels and a figure hugging tight short dress but if your going for nice meals out then maybe a pair of ballet shoes and a smarter looking outfit like a jumpsuit, trouser and smart top combo etc.

He is a man. Many men think heels or DMs. Maybe it would be good for you to check out something in between whilst sticking to your style. Not many people (me included) want to wear high heels. And I manage very well without wearing the same pair of shoes or boots with every outfit every day!

No it's immaturity.
Been there, got caught out, got divorced.

Just like teenagers we all think we know better. 🙄 She will understand...in time!

@softslicedwhite I can see some issues here, sure, but I can also see an OP who is clearly going to try heels anyway, among the load of other replies saying don't do it, so advice on how she can do it without it hurting so much might be a good idea. I also put up suggestions of flat shoes she might like.

But alhough everyone is calling him out here, I imagine there are a whole load of posters who have influenced their partners into not wearing a certain type of clothing, etc. and I do think that there is a need to dress appropriately sometimes- the OP has said they went to a certain restaurant and wasn't allowed on the balcony because of the boots. That doesn't mean betraying who you are or leaving your personality behind, just for trying something new.

Tell him to stop it. Just stop.
he knew how you dressed, if he wanted a barbie he should have bought one.

Why don't you point out men in styles you like, constantly, without pause, relentlessly.

Frankly? you are in for a whole lot of future trouble with this one. Starting with clothes, but what about your outlook on bringing up childen? dressing children.

Added to that, tell him to spend an evening in heels.

If you’re apparently not his type, ditch him, don’t change yourself to fit him.

What the fuck is happening? Is this what Gen Z think is feminism?!

https://www.neverfullydressed.com/collections/dresses/products/orange-and-aqua-lily-dress

You're feminist but are considering changing to please a man because he buys you things?

Are you fucking kidding me?

NO!!! This is outrageous. Fine for him to have a type. Fine for you to occasionally wear something you think he may like. Not fine for you to feel indebted to him because he treats you to things and/or for him to feel as though he can ask you to change so fundamentally because he treats you to those things.

If you’re having this conversation 2 years in you will still be having it in 20 years. Do you want that? Jump ship, OP. You’re too young and the relationship is too new to put up with this bollocks. A graceful exit in your fabulous DMs sounds like a good plan. Good luck!

When I met my husband, I was super glam, lovely dress, make up, heels....a few years into marriage, he was moaning I shouldn't wear any make up, looked better in jeans and a t shirt. He caused a lot of arguments when I was even remotely dressed up. to clarify, I'm very elegant, no boobs or arse (that's fine if you like it) but really there was nothing to complain about.

It was all about control. I divorced him, took me ten years, but I'll be honest, he looked like a scruffy tramp, went bald and he had the audacity to complain when I wore a tiny bit of make up.
Ditch him.