To think people shouldn’t have new babies when there’s so many unresolved issues with older kids

The repeatedly having babies is probably a ‘symptom’ of the same chaos/poor parenting/poor education/low intelligence/instability that resulted in a young child being a bully and having a TikTok account.

I see the random approach to having babies and the chaotic child as two different consequences of a crap home environment.

Having your child bullied makes any decent parents see red. Hope the school actually does something.

Its very well researched and well documented how family life and decisions are highly likely impact children this doesn’t mean ALL children are impacted but it means many, too many, will be. It’s not a fairy story or rumour, the facts are out there.

I am NOT disagreeing with that. What I am disagreeing with is that you have made assumptions about a family you know nothing about!

And you saying I'm an exception to the rule without actually knowing what my family background is, proves my point, exactly.

I hope you get it sorted with your daughter. Push on through with the school and keep your child away from said bully (at all costs!).

As soon as I read your thread I knew people would twist it on to you and I wasn’t wrong.

OP I say this as a mum of 4. I get you. If one of my children was a troubled child/ a relentless bully like the girl you’ve described, then I don’t think baby number 5 would be the best idea for me. And yes I think I would apply that same logic to other families too as it just feels like common sense?

Calling a child with special needs (a disability) the r word is totally unacceptable and should be treated at school in terms of consequences in the same way as using the n word and that’s what I’d insist on. I applaud you for doing what you needed to do to make your poor vulnerable daughter break her confused dependence on this very unpleasant child (I’d use stronger language about her if I was speaking to you directly!). Yeah, it’s probably not great for her that her home life is the way it is, or that her parents don’t seem to care about her bullying, but there’s nothing you can do about that and my sympathy is for the children whose lives she makes a misery.

My DD was badly bullied by 3 girls, the attack that finally made the school take notice was something that could have ended with serious injury or death for my child.

Bully No 1 Stable home, parents together, dad did responsible job, mum was SAHM one sibling. She was the worst and the leader.

Bully No 2 Parents divorced, mum seemed nice, one sibling.

Bully No 3 New girl at school, she had two siblings, mum seemed very supportive, seemed easily led.

So I don't share your experience of bullies coming from chaotic families.

Yes!! Damn I’ve messed up!!! How to fix!?

I understand you are upset your DD is being bullied. That is every parent's worst nightmare when it comes to school.

I'm not sure a child's behaviour can solely be blamed on parents having more children.

so sounds like all sorted

YaMuvva well, if the parents are both fobbing you off, it's clear they are not that bothered about their child's bullying. And that would grate on me too!

If you feel like the school aren't doing enough, you can take it to the Board Of Governors. As a last result, that is what I did when one of my elder children was at school.

There’s a certain poster I’ve noticed who name changes a lot but posts lots of short, rapid provocative posts. Best ignored.

I do think it’s a bit unreasonable to expect parents with one child who is challenging not to have any more though: on that basis lots of disabled children would be only children! I do know what you mean though.

It’s called parenting. Putting rules in place around things that are harmful to your kids is not bullying. Your response is worrying.

Yeah society has to deal with the decisions people make which lead to unstable families and risks to kids. I don’t disagree with you OP. People just don’t always prioritise their existing children like they should.

Please don't pull this other girl to one side in the school playground. I get you are frustrated but school is supposed to be a safe place for children even this rogue girl. There are other means than telling other children off in the school playground. If this other girl is filming tiktoks is she doing it on school grounds? I'd mention it to school regardless as schools generally educate on this so maybe they'd do a reminder with your daughter's year group. They should take online bullying seriously.

Unfortunately you'll find there are families that don't see that their precious moppets as troublesome and actually don't care. There is a child in my DDs class that knocks my daughter's food onto the floor at lunchtimes on purpose. This child also tries to take my 3 years olds snack physically out of his mouth at pick up. Mum just says "awww she's cute, she does this with her little brother too". I am just like WTF get your child to stop touching mine.

ladykale I disagree, in the main.

Because of my family set up, growing up, and because of how I looked (both nothing I had any choice about), it was always assumed that I would have a poor outcome in life.

I was a walking stereotype for closed minded people.

I would have been a 100 pc behind OP had she not brought the whole family into it. Even if she did have a point..A CHILD DOES NOT CHOOSE THE FAMILY THEY ARE BORN INTO!!

I actually agree with you OP. Your post is full
of emotion which is what most are reacting badly too but I don’t really blame you for being emotional about it. People should put their kids over their new love lives and having more children but sadly, many don’t.

Unpopular opinion.
But I do agree that priority should be providing existing children with a safe and stable environment, before having more children.

I don't think all blended families are damaging, or parents who have children from multiple partners are feckless. A lot of people find themselves in situations that they didn't plan (abuse, infidelity, unplanned life events).

However, regardless of the situation, parents have a responsibility to all their children. The new baby with the current partner shouldn't take priority over pre-existing children. And the level of disruption descripted in the OP does seem too much for a 10year old to cope with.

Don’t blame you and don’t see why you’re getting a hard time. If your DD is being bullied and is vulnerable so doesn’t understand what’s happening to her then of course you need to intervene. I think you’ve probably hit a nerve for some.

I agree with you wholeheartedly but it seems to be a bitter pill for many to swallow.
The automatic solution for many people seems to be to leave their current partner and start again with a new one (multiple times in some cases) and to hell with the existing children.
I know one family with four different surnames on the go at the moment, the kids don't seem to be getting along (step children involved) but mum is ridiculously happy with her new squeeze and is expecting baby number 4 with dad number 3.....
I will be extremely surprised if any of the kids talk to her as adults.

A childs home life absolutely has a bearing on their behaviour. A parent should put existing children first before adding more but unfortunately many don’t. A lot of people on here act horrified if you say anything negative about a child, a few of them have appeared on this post.

I would never approach a child but i work in a primary for what it's worth and there are a lot of kids similar to the "bully".
Can't fault you for anything else you've done though.