To think people shouldn’t have new babies when there’s so many unresolved issues with older kids

Whether

@CultOfRamen they might have more money if they stuck to two children. I wonder if OP can share weather these parents both work full time like me and DH do? If not, That's why they don't have a disposable income.

Back to OPs point, why do people have children when they can't look after the ones they have.

You're right. I am annoyed. Not only do I don't qualify for a single hour free childcare because of my salary and yet because of my salary I am taxed more to subsidise other people's 15 hours free childcare and the rest.. I'm not the only one if this article has made it into The Times.

I’m 100% certain someone with 4 kids living on benefits doesn’t have an indispensable budget either.
your anger at your economic situation is in the wrong direction.
look up.

@CultOfRamen www.thetimes.co.uk/article/i-earn-more-than-100k-im-paying-for-everyones-free-childcare-nc2npxxm7

It's true. People in mine and my husbands salary band are hit strongly with benefits system taxes, might not touch the sides when you earn £150-200k but we don't get a single hour free childcare. We pay £4,300 nursery fees for our children, we have no family support, we pay wrap around care if we need to work, yes we own our house and go on holidays but we don't have indispensable budget. I get taxed 45%.

Meant nicely, your post is all about what you think of a load of people and very little about what your daughter is actually feeling.

It's a shame you have not mentioned how to bolster her own abilities to deal with people like this, because she is growing up and needs to practice skills of brushing off, avoiding, compromising, blanking, supporting, understanding.
At her age you ought to take a big step back and allow her to feel her way around relationships and make decisions for herself.
Not "allowing" her to mix with people is a complete recipe for disaster when her teens come, and I worry it will backfire on you, with her purposefully seeking out relationships to challenge you, rather than growing into relationships where she flourishes.
Stand back, Stop judging others. Give your kid a shed load of hugs and treats after a bad day. Rather than denigrating others, use that breath to remind her how great she is. Then send her back in the next day with the promise that some people are not nice but there are always nice ones out there somewhere, keep looking. And stop there.

You’re getting a lot of unnecessary stick on here. She sounds bloody awful and I’d hate it if I were you too. Sorry your poor daughter is going through this! I totally agree with people churning more kids out… it’s because they’re completely ignorant!

Except you absolutely could afford that many children if you had the same lifestyle. I seriously doubt someone with four kids on benefits owns their own home or is having a two week ski holiday every year.

can’t believe people are still churning out the “people have kids for the benefits” bullshit. Nobody actually is stupid enough to truly believe that by now, true god.

Interesting how everyone who seems to be in agreement is only using blended or re-partnered families as an example.

what- no married people have children too soon after each other- or do problem children only exist as a result of divorce.

YANBU

I think people assume their kids don't need them much as they get older but they are wrong. My 9 year old for example needs emotional support and attention from me but in a different way from when he was 2. Just because he can play upstairs without my supervision doesn't mean he doesn't need me.

Only today I noticed a group of kids roaming around the village unsupervised when they are too young for that tbh. and, surprise surprise, they are the ones who disrupt their classes at school.

Children need attention from their parents and when they don't get it, that often has a detrimental effect on their behaviour. Children with lots of siblings and a chaotic lifestyle are less likely to get the attention they need to thrive.

I am a single mum and I have no desire to blend my family / have more kids. I really think it would be detrimental to my children. Yet the amount of people who have said "oh it would be lovely if you met someone else and had another baby"

It is appropriate to steer clear, to warn others, and also to report the problematic elements you have commented on to the school safeguarding lead (and also perhaps to the local social services).

It isn't a case of one or the other here, and the parents are not 'ganging up'.

This. Sick of people having babies they can't afford. Both of those parents have 4 children each. My husband and I both earn six figure salaries and can't afford more than 2. Probably because we pay for people like them!!

Also, OP, I'd mention the child's TikTok account to the safeguarding lead.

This is all sorts of wrong.

I agree with you OP. Obese AND a bully? That's a parenting failure.

So true.

Parenting choices have wide ramifications.

If these people had their lives in order, their older children wouldn't be behaving as they do, but it's a vicious circle.

Fwiw, I'd report the BJ thing to the safeguarding lead in the school.

I'd also consider moving your child out of the school or at least making sure she doesn't go to the same secondary school as the other girl.

I don’t think that’s fair, it’s not OPs child’s job to fix another child’s issues to her own detriment.

OP has flagged all of this up with school, that’s all she can do in that regard. She ALSO needs to protect her own daughter, and therefore needs to put a stop to the behaviour somehow. This shit can lead to lifelong trauma

What exactly is the problem with that - are you on of those parents who never punished their child?

hands up. I would never threaten my bullied child with punishment if she interacts with the bully.

OP issued no judgement on the family tree, there was judgement on the fact the parents can not control one child, how will they be able to by adding more children and less time/emotional energy into the mix?

It’s a controversial and judgemental opinion, but to be honest, she’s right.

how do we know that specifically you threatening your dd with punishment if she interacted with the bully… result in the bullying stopping?

are you saying if you had not threatened to punish your dd, she would have interacted with the bully and still be being bullied?

I was bullied mercilessly from age 10 until about 13. Was really a very nasty campaign against me by another girl in my class. It still affects me now I think, in a lot of ways. I wish to god my parents had been more like the OP but they didn’t give a shit. Even if I had been told that I didn’t deserve it, it would have been enough.

Fast forward to adult life and I still struggle
with knowing if other’s bad behaviour towards me is deserved or not. These are the formative years and the experiences of a child matters.

Totally agree with you OP

This girl sounds like she’s thoroughly f-up by her neglectful parents and chaotic home life, has probably had minimal input from any support services for both her and her parents to deal with her behaviours. The cycle will possibly continue - maybe low educational attainment and/or poor job prospects, maybe a criminal record if her behaviours escalate in her teens onwards, and maybe onto having her own DC in a chaotic environment. No one will want her around behaving as she does now when she’s older.

Some strong people manage to turn their lives around and prove everyone wrong - and I hope that at some point this girl gets the psychological help she clearly needs - but it’s probably not likely. It’s a crying shame that a 10yo is falling through the cracks and no one really gives a shit- it’s more of an inconvenience that’s she’s bullying so the school and her parents will only deal with it on a superficial level.

OP, I hope the bullying resolves itself and I don’t blame you for going to extreme measures to protect your DD.