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Original poster

if your DP wanted to move back to his mother's house with you and your baby to save for a deposit instead of renting at age 35

120 replies

ginger2025 · 09/04/2024 15:59

What would you think of this?

This isn't in an Asian country, this is in a UK/US context.

Happening to a relative of mine who is moving back to his mum's house from abroad, with wife and child in tow. He is 35 this year. He said it is common nowadays, is that true?

Most of my friends don't have kids and I did the whole living with inlaws to save for a deposit thing when I was in my 20s (bought when I was 26 and DH 29). But we had no kids. Is this a move to multi-generational households?

Though i must say that that for this relative who is moving back with his mum who lives in America, a lot of the savings would be eroded by the cost of health insurance (1000 per month for a family) plus cost of running two cars compared to renting in his current country which like most of the developed world doesn't have such punitive healthcare costs. However this doesn't apply in the UK so I wonder why it is not more common for people in the UK (excluding those from cultures where multigenerational living is expected)?

OP posts:
SallyWD · 09/04/2024 16:15

I wouldn't think anything. I think it's quite common these days as housing is just unaffordable for so many. My friend, her DH and her child moved in with her mother while they saved a deposit. I didn't think it was particularly strange.

Desecratedcoconut · 09/04/2024 16:12

I think, where it works, multi-generational living makes a lot of sense. (It would have driven both me and my mil batshit though). Don't Americans tend to get insurance policies for themselves and their dc with their jobs?

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 16:12

ginger2025 · 09/04/2024 16:12

The cases in the newspaper are mostly about childless people moving back home or simply staying at home till marriage which has been the case for many years.

Even DH's father lived with his parents until he married! and that was in the 1980s.

until now i rarely hear about people with kids moving back to save money unless they were planning a mult generational setup.

Edited
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stick around on mumsnet

loads move back with kids in order to save

JamSandle · 09/04/2024 16:12

If you all have a good relationship and a goal in mind for when it will be saved by, it sounds very sensible to me. Families (ideally) help one another gey ahead.

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 16:12

i’m guessing you and this relative aren’t close?

Original poster
ginger2025 · 09/04/2024 16:12

pikkumyy77 · 09/04/2024 16:09

If you are curious about “huge societal shifts” just maybe read a newspaper?

The cases in the newspaper are mostly about childless people moving back home or simply staying at home till marriage which has been the case for many years.

Even DH's father lived with his parents until he married! and that was in the 1980s.

until now i rarely hear about people with kids moving back to save money unless they were planning a mult generational setup.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 09/04/2024 16:11

I'd think he was a sensible bloke and I'd bite his hand off if it meant putting my immediate family/children in a better financial situation in the long term.

Original poster
ginger2025 · 09/04/2024 16:10

Luckydog7 · 09/04/2024 16:08

Salaries are often much higher in USA for equivalent roles (at least skilled roles) but this is offset obviously by higher cost of living, health care etc so it may not be worse depending on work situation.

I would hope they have sat down and made a plan of how much they will save how long they will stay there i.e. done the maths, otherwise the arrangement will last longer then they imagine.

Has your relative moved country with their baby to live in his country of origin? If so I would be more concerned that she may end up stuck there as she won't be able to move away again with her child without dp permission. If they split she may have visa issues while having to stay to be with her child etc. worth looking into.

His wife is my direct relative and she is British. Her husband is American. I know nothing about workplace health insurance in the USA but i was told that a lot of smaller workplaces don't provide it and they would 'figure it out' once there.

They are working remotely so no US jobs but i imagine this can change.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 09/04/2024 16:09

If you are curious about “huge societal shifts” just maybe read a newspaper?

DontCallMeKidDontCallMeBaby · 09/04/2024 16:09

A colleague, his wife and their two children have recently moved back in with her mam. The plan (agreed with her mam) is they’ll save all his salary, and probably around 2/3 of hers. They hope to maybe saved about £60,000 within a year-18months. We’re in the north east, so it’ll be a significant deposit.

Luckydog7 · 09/04/2024 16:08

Salaries are often much higher in USA for equivalent roles (at least skilled roles) but this is offset obviously by higher cost of living, health care etc so it may not be worse depending on work situation.

I would hope they have sat down and made a plan of how much they will save how long they will stay there i.e. done the maths, otherwise the arrangement will last longer then they imagine.

Has your relative moved country with their baby to live in his country of origin? If so I would be more concerned that she may end up stuck there as she won't be able to move away again with her child without dp permission. If they split she may have visa issues while having to stay to be with her child etc. worth looking into.

RazzberryGem · 09/04/2024 16:07

I think in some circumstances it can be appropriate but without knowing the facts it's impossible to really comment 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm sure he's suggesting it because he think it makes the most sense in their situation.

beAsensible1 · 09/04/2024 16:06

.Yes it makes sense. Also helps to reduce costs of wrap around care if there are people at home all the time or at least different times.

why would there need to be 2 cars?
Age is irrelevant it’s the savings and convenience that matter. Of people have kids and buy houses later. They will do the cost cutting stuff later.

if you can pay your parents £500 rather than the cost of renting a small flat for £2000 it makes sense

sonjadog · 09/04/2024 16:06

Twenty or so years ago when i and my contemporaries were in this phase in life, I remember quite a few of them moving in with parents temporarily to save money for a house. It isn't a new thing.

fieldsofbutterflies · 09/04/2024 16:06

I wouldn't ever do it but I do think it's becoming increasingly common.

ByKindOpalPoet · 09/04/2024 16:06

I’m 32 in September and me, my husband and our 5 year old live with my dad as we can’t afford to get a mortgage even though you’d think with my salary we would.

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 16:04

loads on mumsnet seem to move back in with parents with kids in tow to save money

as for international move… perhaps thinking of it as an opportunity as to whether somewhere they’d like to live permanently

Usernamewassavedsuccessfully · 09/04/2024 16:04

I would not have lived with my in laws with or without a child and unless my own child was desperate, I would not want them living with me with a partner either.

Original poster
ginger2025 · 09/04/2024 16:03

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 16:02

i would be intrigued but beyond that i wouldn’t “think” anything as i’d presume there a HUGE amount of information that i’m not privy to

well i am asking if there are more stories like this? Perhaps we are seeing a big societal shift!

OP posts:
brocollilover · 09/04/2024 16:02

i would be intrigued but beyond that i wouldn’t “think” anything as i’d presume there a HUGE amount of information that i’m not privy to

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