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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Relationship advice - two different cultures?

54 replies

DenimOtter · 09/04/2024 15:17

Hi, hoping your thoughts on some relationship issues as have found this thread very insightful before

We're a relationship between Indian F & English M, both mid-late twenties. The relationship has been ongoing for 2.5 years & has generally been going great. Indian F moved to UK for work reasons shortly before the relationship began & since then we've always lived in UK. This was Indian F's first time living outside India; English M has never lived outside UK.

We've visited India together once - English M has met Indian F's immediate family but wasn't introduced to elderly relatives due to cultural traditions. He enjoyed the trip but seemed to find it difficult not having the independence he used to & not being introduced to family members. He hasn't made any real efforts to learn Hindi, although has joined cultural celebrations in UK when invited.

Frictions have emerged in the last few months when we've started to discuss the future. Indian F is keen to preserve her heritage in her future family. She's happy to live in UK for the time-being, although wants significant milestones (e.g. pregnancy/childbirth) to be in India, as well as her kids to experience Indian schooling for a few years. English M said he would be reluctant for to disrupt kids' education for things like this. Indian F also worries that English M isn't particularly close to her family, especially how close she is to his - she sees them quite often.

Indian F is also keen to retire in India in order to manage a family business she'll eventually inherit. Clearly this is a long way away, but English M wants to stay in UK & doesn't want to move to India due to work reasons, being away from family and difficulty integrating with culture.

Is anyone being unreasonable here or is it just a tricky situation? Are there any other multicultural couples out there who've faced similar challenges? Do you have any advice on what to do? Is it resolvable? Thank you!

OP posts:
brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:21

Indian F is also keen to retire in India in order to manage a family business she'll eventually inherit

retire but take over family business?

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:20

English M wants to stay in UK & doesn't want to move to India due to work reasons, being away from family and difficulty integrating with culture.

hear hear for me too

Octonaut4Life · 09/04/2024 15:20

I think if you meet while both living in a country then the baseline expectation is that's the country you'll be staying in unless both are keen to move. Expecting the spouse who has always lived in that country to relocate somewhere they don't even speak the language, or to be happy raising kids in the other country, is a massive ask and if they're not keen then you're probably just not compatible.

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:19

incompatible

he’s not been at unreasonable as far as i can see