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Original poster

Different surname for full-siblings

189 replies

Bananabreadandstrawberries · 09/04/2024 14:26

Should full-siblings have the same surname,

DH and I have 1 baby boy, who we have given a double barrelled surname (with mine first, in the spur of the moment DH said he didn’t mind whose name went first). I have not changed my surname, we are married.

Since then DH has had some regrets about this and wants children to have his name only or his name first.

I am now pregnant again. DH has said “ah second. Child can have my name!” Joking - not - joking.

What would you ladies do? I want to be fair, but think it would be odd for siblings with same parents or have different surnames?

IABU: Husbands name for next child (or DH-my surname).
IANBU: Same surname for full siblings

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 09/04/2024 14:44

Traditionally the order would be mother’s surname (maiden name) followed by Fether’s surname.

Original poster
Bananabreadandstrawberries · 09/04/2024 14:43

Glitterbiscuits · 09/04/2024 14:40

All my DC have the same double barrelled surname

DH and I married both kept own names

Child name,middle name DH surname-my surname

It followed better in this order but MIL thought DHs surname should be last. She was ignored.

In 25 years no one else has ever questioned the surname order.

Thank you for sharing your experience!

Interesting that MIL wanted your DH surname last. I didn’t know that was a thing!

Sometimes nursery puts baby initials as just my name, which seems to make a difference to DH.

I will share that with my DH and hopefully it sits better with him.

OP posts:
Glitterbiscuits · 09/04/2024 14:42

No one has ever dropped either part of their surnames.
Both names are standard UK surnames.

One thing to think about if you do reverse the surname order is the siblings will never be together in anything that happens alphabetically

Glitterbiscuits · 09/04/2024 14:40

All my DC have the same double barrelled surname

DH and I married both kept own names

Child name,middle name DH surname-my surname

It followed better in this order but MIL thought DHs surname should be last. She was ignored.

In 25 years no one else has ever questioned the surname order.

Pottedpalm · 09/04/2024 14:37

In my experience the second part of a double barrelled surname is more likely to be the one people use.

Original poster
Bananabreadandstrawberries · 09/04/2024 14:34

PorkChopJohnson · 09/04/2024 14:29

Your first baby already has his name, your second baby can have the same name as his brother.

Haha thank you! Good way to put it!

OP posts:
2024theplot · 09/04/2024 14:33

Speaking from experience, if siblings have different surnames people will assume they're half/step siblings and they'll have to explain this to people all the time. Imagine your children's embarrassment at having to explain that they are full siblings but their dad was so insecure they couldn't have the same surname...
With double barrelled names, the first name is often dropped by people anyway, as in, if your child is Joe Jones-Smith, people are more likely to call him Joe Smith rather than Joe Jones.

Original poster
Bananabreadandstrawberries · 09/04/2024 14:31

dementedpixie · 09/04/2024 14:28

Same surname
His name is included so why is he complaining?

That’s what I said today!

He said baby 1 is a “OP name”, baby 2 should be a“DH name”.

I don’t want him to feel let down by this. Is it a bit emasculating for a man to have children with this surname order?

We are both professionals where we are known/published by our names, so we aren’t changing our own.

OP posts:
PorkChopJohnson · 09/04/2024 14:29

Your first baby already has his name, your second baby can have the same name as his brother.

ConcernedCat · 09/04/2024 14:29

What a ridiculous thing for him to suggest. Obviously you keep the same.

Rosesanddaisies1 · 09/04/2024 14:29

Has to be the same.

Rubyroo73 · 09/04/2024 14:28

Keep the same - no good reason not to!

dementedpixie · 09/04/2024 14:28

Same surname
His name is included so why is he complaining?

BoxFoxSocks · 09/04/2024 14:27

Same surname. What an absolute pain in the arse it would be for everyone otherwise.