Different surname for full-siblings

Definitely same as first child. I always think it strange that so many (mainly unmarried) women give their baby the dad's surname. Statistically the relationship is more likely to end than survive, new partner, new baby with new surname. So mum has her surname then two or more children with different names. Unmarried mums should give their babies their surname, if they subsequently marry a double barrelled surname for all can be enacted.

Spain is entering the chat…

My kids have different surnames, full siblings. No one gives a shit.

In your circumstances you could double barrel the other way around?

DB surname here. The last part is the important bit and what it will be shortened to. The first part only gets dragged out for legals and life admin (driving licence, passport, doctor, insurance etc).

You could all have the same name as DC1. I know at least 2 women where they and husbands double barrelled, but they (the women, no idea about the husbands) used just their maiden name professionally.

"British tradition would be to have the father's surname. It was a tradition to use the mothers maiden name as a middle name, but that wasn't used as part of the surname. If you do any genealogy, this is well illustrated."

Not quite true, @Lifeinlists - British tradition is for children to take their mother's last name. In previous generations, it was common for women to take their husband's names, so the baby then had their father's name, but only by virtue of it being their mother's. As you can see for unwed mothers, the child's surname was his or her mother's.

The practice of giving the father's name even if the mother does not share a surname is a really new one.

We also use 3 initials when we initial our names so my first name, then surname then his surname.

My husband and I double-barrelled when we got married. Mine then his, he said he wanted to do this too so he did so when our baby is born it will be mine-his. It sounded better that way round and my husband doesn't mind it at all.

There is an influencer I follow whose TWINS have different surnames, she and her partner decided any boys they had would have his surname and girls would have hers and they had boy-girl twins. That’ll be so confusing when they get to school!!

I don’t really understand why the woman gives her surname tbh, but I appreciate I’m probably old fashioned. I absolutely 100% would not be giving full siblings different surnames. Too many issues and explaining to people who would probably agree that it’s ridiculous (not that their opinion should matter but your children may not feel that way).

I have to be honest and say I do get where your husband is coming from though. His surname first would ideally have been the best order. Could you look into amending first child by deed poll? Explaining reasons to your first born later and amending minimal correspondence now may be a lot less hassle than you all spending the next 20 years explaining why they’re different!

@momtoboys

The modern way of doing things is to choose a new surname together when you get married.

James smith-jones & Mary Williams-Boyle become Mr & Mr Sandwich.

Fun and no patriarchy.

Different scenario, but I grew up with a different surname from my mother and siblings and I do not remember even a single occasion it was flagged as an issue. I truly do not understand the obsession with everyone having the same surname.

That being said, your DH reasoning is ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense. DC1 is double barrelled but it’s ‘your name’? Surely you could use the same logic and double barrel DC2 and say it’s ‘his name’.

Chinny reckon

We have friends who very sensibly didn't want their daughters to have long double barrelled surnames to write, so they gave one girl each half of their name. I.e. Anna Armstrong and Jill Jones instead of Anna and Jill Armstrong-Jones. Their girls are in their late 20's and it was considered very strange, but I think it is a lovely tribute to both families. We also know four couples in the last five years who have combined their names i.e. Jim Smith and Amy Wilson become the Smithsons. Why not reverse the double barrelled names? The UK has very lax legal naming rules so take advantage!

If he were my husband I'd just laugh at him until such time as he can justify why his masculinity is being threatened by our child's name. Utterly ridiculous and regressive thinking that should not be pandered to.

I had two university friends that used different surnames to their sibling. In one case they actually had different surnames - from memory, older boy had mum's, younger girl dad's, parents were still together but had never married. In the other case, both sisters had the same double barrelled name and each used a different half of it day to day. Unusual in both cases, I guess, but not unworkable.

I do think it's a bit rich of your DH to change his mind now, though.

Any time you come across the concept ‘emasculation’, you can dismiss the entire idea as utter bullshit.

I would like this cross-stitched, framed and on my wall.

Alternating surnames is not the same as double barrelling and then deciding the second must be named according to the patriarchal standard because his dad is feeling sad and emasculated.

Any time you come across the concept ‘emasculation’, you can dismiss the entire idea as utter bullshit. That’s a top tip for all occasions.

It would be absurd not to give both children the double barrelled surname
you both originally agreed on.

If he’s that bothered, he can change his surname to the double barrelled one.

No the schools had our full names correct, when reading the register they even read it all out, but we were 'filed' under the second half of the surname only. It was the same for other children in my classes with double barrelled surnames too.
All my school records have the correct name.
I filled in my uni application and registration forms myself so know that was correct too, and they did the same thing.

Beautifully put!

Your husband needs to get a fucking grip. Your baby is literally living inside you for 9 months, you get to choose the bloody surname.

I would want them to have the same name, and it's nice to have both your surnames included

I know someone in similar circumstances who alternated surnames of their children. Didn't cause a problem.