Different surname for full-siblings

Our DS has both our surnames. If we had more children they would have had the same. Vmy surname first hubby's last. Don't see a problem. However my hubby's parents only ever put their surname on any correspondence which was irritating. So I sent several items of post as a return no one of that name here. Waited for the phone call which never came and there after they put his correct name . Stick yo your guns otherwise it will be too confusing for your children.

The first surname normally gets dropped and people use the last one…I’m thinking in the library Alexander McCall-Smith is in the S section, not the M 🤔

personally I would keep the surnames the same

I've known full siblings that have different surnames because their parents thought that their first names went better with each others surnames but people definitely presumed they were half siblings at first. With my daughter I chose my name first and if my husband had said he wants his name only or his name first I'd have told him when he has to carry and birth a baby he can call them what he likes

I thought it usually was the last part of the double barrel that counted more as the first part of the double barrel often gets considered a middle name. We actually have it the opposite way round for myself, my husband and my daughter because my eldest son has my surname and when we say our names together it sounds like they all match. So if your husband does feel emasculated, tell him about us! X

One of my children (my eldest) has my husband's surname; the other has mine. When I was pregnant the second time, I had a moment of "hang on, I'm doing all the work here! Why should the kids take my husband's name?!"

I can honestly say that it has no adverse effect on anyone's lives. Kids' relationships with one another have nothing to do with their surnames. Kids at school never even mention it. The fact that we have different surnames has zero effect on our love for each other or our sense of being a family unit.

The only time it can be a bit of a pain is border crossings when I'm travelling on my own with the kids, where I sometimes have to produce my eldest's birth certificate to show I'm the mother.

Tell him that the current arrangement gives his surname priority over yours because it is last. Your surname could easily be misconstrued as a middle name, or could turn into a middle name later.

My family name would have died out with my brother (he's infertile). There's few of us left to care about, it so I'm surprised he was upset by it tbh.

I think my Dad might have drummed it into him that he had this responsibility since my uncles had both died young and without having children.

Anyway, I carried on our family name. I was unmarried with my first child and gave her my name. I just kept their siblings the same even though i was married (my ex complained at first but now tells people it was his idea to save my family name lol).

My daughter is planning to keep her name after marriage and double barrell any children. Whatever way round sounds nicer. I don't think the order matters.

I have a different surname to my children.

My DC are both double barrelled with mine first just because it sounded better that way. People often drop my bit rather than my DP’s

I know a couple who gave the mothers surname to one child and the fathers surname to the other (one child is in my daughters class). Yes it's a bit confusing but I think it's quite nice.

Got friends coming to stay tonight with this scenario. Mum is xxx dad is yyyy. The family is known as the xxxx yyys and all the kids have their parents' names double barreled. The parents only have their own.

The tradition is for father's name to be sexond in the UK.

In Spain ( where everyone does it) they have father's name first.

I am on second husband and third surname, which I write as a list on SM and rather enjoy 😉 no more kids for me though.

My sons both have myname-hisname. Just because it sounds better that way as mine is longer. Also his surname is also a first name (think James) so it could sound like a middle name if used first.

Yes, I don’t really get what his problem is. My son has a friend who has a double barrelled surname and I only really hear the last name, ie Smith-JONES.

This is so strange! My DS has a double barrelled surname as my family name is very uncommon and I didn't want it to die out.
Does he realise how misogynistic this is coming across ?

I am also a professional and did not want to give up my surname. Our daughter was born before we married and we double-barrelled her name with my surname first-then dads.
When we later married; myself and DH both decided to double-barrell our names so we were the same as our daughter.
And I can tell you 8 years later that it is a mega pain, we are constantly having to correct people, including DDs school, who consistently drop the first part of our surname.
DD complains her name is too long! We've told her that when she is 16 she can drop the first part if she wishes.

This hasn't been the case with me.... I've got an historical double barelled hyphenated name... 70/80 years my fam has used it..

Drives me nuts when people...

File me under the second initial... Where it should be the first... (less common now with digitisation)...

Or drop the first part of my surname... The second part if my surname is one of the most common names in UK... My Christian name is pretty usual too...

My name is Montague-Jones (for eg)... So dentist/GP reception put a call out for Jane Jones... The number of times I've been called this in GP surgery and haven't realised they wanted me...

That just isn't my name!

Was alarmed once when GP wrote my notes on a consult in a genuine 'Jane Jones' file who lives locally... Seems there are several jane Jones locally.

I find it bizarre that a surname could be 'emasculating' but he's proven that it is nothing but misogyny. Because the second name is what most men would want as if either the first name is dropped like a middle name is not always used. So by deciding it's the other way round he has proven it is all nonsense!! Don't worry about letting him down, it's your DC you shouldn't let down - of course they should have the same name as their brother (other wise seems like playing favourites as one of many issues!)

Congratulations on your new baby!

I can't comment on double barrelling as my maiden name is awful so was happy to ditch for DC, although like you, I'm published so keep it for work.

Not sure if others have said, but the one thing to be slightly aware of is travelling. I went away with a friend and her baby. The baby had the dad's name and at customs the mother got quizzed for ages about who the baby belonged to. I travel a lot so made sure me and DC have the Same names on our passports. Might be worth bearing in mind if you're going to give new baby a different name.

The name with the most syllables should go first as it hits the ear better.

If you aren't as bothered by this as your husband, you could drop the your name part of your first child's surname. I would be a little inclined to do this anyway as IMO double barrelled names are a bit of a faff. Before anyone jumps on me, I would say that it would also be fine to have just OP's name, except that it seems to bother her husband, plus when the child only has the mother's name it tends to signal that the parents are not together.

I don’t have a problem with two siblings having different surnames necessarily but the fact that’s it’s only because he’s having a little crisis of masculinity immediately gets my back up! Our baby is double barrelled mum-dad but if my husband tried to pull any of that sexist ‘my name is more important than yours because I’m a man’ rubbish the next baby would just be having my name 😡

Pick a surname and stick to it. You can always change one one that's double barrelled

DP and I are not married. Our names do not lend themselves well to double barrelling. Two DC, first has his surname, second has mine. My surname is very rare and I’m the last of my family with it. DP’s surname also rare but not as rare. I feel very strongly about the unfairness of the ‘tradition’ that women and children take the man’s / father’s name, but do wonder on a practical level, whether them having different names will cause problems down the line. Family members have been very confused by it and can’t understand why we’ve done what we’ve done.

Why are the two options he gave orientated around HIS name? You're the one who's carried the baby all this time - why doesn't your name get a look-in/priority?

You could just ask nursery to use both? My name is hyphenated first name is O’ so when most people write my initials I have 4 letters 😂
my son has hyphenated too, 1/2 of my last name-dads name, when he was little a couple of places missed off my part of his name, so just using the second half of his last name on certificates, I just asked them to put his whole name on going forward, and after starting school we’ve never had an issue.
I would definitely have siblings having the same name.

@Bananabreadandstrawberries to be honest, I think people who give their baby a double barrelled surname with both names being used are just crazy! what is the reasoning behind that? you are married! double barrelled is pretentious!!