Different surname for full-siblings

I didnt change my surname when we got married. Our kids have his surname because honestly i wasnt that arsed. He suggested double barrel but i personally dont like it, i think its awful.

I dont agree siblings MUST have the same surname. Why? It makes zero difference in the grand scheme of things.
So if you wanted to change the order i dont see why its an issue? I have a friend, the daughter has her surname and the son has the dads, neither had changed their name after marriage and doesnt seem to cause any issues.

I dont see why he wants to change it though, surely it was discussed and agreed before the first child so whats his reason for changing it now?

Hyphenated. They have both your names. He is being ridiculous.

My sons have a double barrelled name. Ex Husbands is first, but only because it flows off the tongue more readily. Like a lot of people, they drop half the name in every day living. Maybe you could offer to prioritise your OHs name in that way as a compromise, to keep both names in the same order as the first.

oh and be prepared for the odd form that doesn’t fit their whole name. My son’s passports drop the last couple of letters of the surname. In the early days it did cause the odd moment of confusion when 2 ids don’t fully match and some people thought it was a problem. But they are now in their mid 30s so I guess it wasn’t too big a problem.
Hope you find a resolution that works for you both.

We are both professionals where we are known/published by our names, so we aren’t changing our own
Slightly beside the point but I know plenty of people, my sister and also my closest friend, who changed their names when they married but kept their professional names for work related reasons.

Why?

Absolutely not a big deal for them to have different surnames. In fact, it's the best way to get around the "how to be fair to both parents?" dilemma. One parent will always lose out otherwise. As for double barrelling, that's a very short term solution given you can't saddle their descendents with eight surnames!

My sister has double barrelled her surname with her partners for their new baby and is currently in process of changing their first child's legal name to double barrelled rather than just his fathres name (same dad both kids) so could you just change the order of the older child's surname?

Of course they should have the same name! I can't believe this is even a discussion

Tell him his name can go first when he carried the baby for 9 months, destroys his body for the child and then pushes it out his bits!!!

No one's owed any explanation, and no one is being 'ridiculous'. What an over-the-top response.

Not one member of my family has exactly the same family name. We are very much a unit, and it causes no issues with officialdom whatsoever.

I don't think it's at all odd for siblings to have different family names. Our decision was that any boys would take DH's name and girls mine.

DC did end up being an only child, but we struggled with fertility for many years, and I was older than I wanted to be when I had my first, so we suspected this would end up being the case. So we double-barelled with my name first. Not a hierarchy of precedence, they just sounded better that way round.

A fair compromise would be: as your first is double-barreled with your name first, the second could be double barreled with his first. I wouldn't give the child just DH's name.

Same names, just a different order!

I knew a family where boys had dad’s surname and girls mum’s surname. Except the family had more boys so the mum gave one of the younger boys her surname as well.

One of my children has my maiden name-dad’s name double barrelled, my other children has dad’s name only, I use my maiden name only but obviously don’t take umbrage if someone calls me Mrs husband’s name. No issues so far, and doesn’t feel like it affects the cohesion of the family.

(I realise this adds nothing to the OP’s quandary, just if she does decide to give a different name, it probably wont present issues)

It will be an absolute pita for everyone including all professionals who ever meet you and need to write all your names. It's not the same as two completely different family names being involved. It will get mixed up all the time. It also sounds petty and like you are both control freaks and have too much time on your hands. I'm surprised that as intelligent people you'd even entertain this or want yourselves to appear so ridiculous. Please don't for everyones sake, imagine explaining that all the time.

Both children need the same surname really

Same surname. Your husband is being ridiculous he needs to think of the children

As someone who’s mum did the same - as in she insisted on me and my sister having both names, I can say life would have been a lot easier to just have one surname. It can be a royal pain in the backside for myriad reasons.

My mums name had to go first as the surnames just don’t flow the same the other way, and I think my dad has always been a bit bitter about this. Even now I’m 30 they still have cross words about it.

I also used to get loads of grief of certain wider family members who were also bitter about the choice of surname, and I certainly always felt I had to placate both sides by saying I felt more like a Smith than a Jones to the Smiths and vice versa which looking back was very unfair of grown adults to do that to small children. (Names changed)

If I were you, either just give them both the same name now you’ve double barrelled one, so at least the siblings have the same name and feel connected in that way as not having the same name as my cousins always made me feel a bit left out tbh. If you really want to give the second child just dad’s name then change your first child’s name to the same as it might sound silly but it could cause some real identity issues otherwise then having different as they get older depending on their personalities and life experiences as they get older. I know people think a name is just a name but it’s a very significant part of a person’s life.

As I’ve got older I’ve accepted my name, and I don’t think I’d ever change mine if I got married to my partner either to be fair, but if we have a child I will not be giving it my name or joining up parts of both names. I’d just give it its father’s name, because I know what it’s like always having to explain away a long name and all the stuff that surrounded it, and based on my experience, it would just make life easier for the child in my eyes.

I hope this perspective helps and I completely get wanting your child to have your name, but please do take what I’ve said with the kindness intended - naming a child isn’t about the parents wishes and needs, it’s about the child as they are the person that has to live with whatever name you give them.

My sister had something similar, used her own surname in a "known as" fashion for nephew and my nephew officially changed it when he was 16. It helped that he was born early in the school year so all his GCSE certificates have his current name on and they never went abroad so didn't have to change a passport.

And nephew had nothing to do with bio father from the age of about 5, is very anti the courts too!

How on earth does he expect your children to feel in the future? One of them is going to feel less than the other, whichever way around it is. What an idiot.

How awful. I had no idea this was a thing! Ironic that he was more bothered about his name being included than actually doing much patenting. I’d be so bitter.

'I don’t want him to feel let down by this. Is it a bit emasculating for a man to have children with this surname order?'

How depressing in 2024. They have his name.

I kept my name when we got married and my kids are My name - Husband name. We went with the order that sounded best. A man who was secure in his masculinity wouldn't need to kick off about this.

Re Spain, it is more usual Dad´s surname then mum´s surname but you can reverse the order now if you like. There is one rule though. All siblings must have their surnames in the same order. Keeps things sane.

Me and my son’s dad split during pregnancy. When he was born, I gave him my surname as I was the primary carer and we were unmarried. Ex took me to court and my son was forced to have his surname changed from mine to double barrelled to include his dad’s. I don’t intend to ever change my name and son only sees his dad twice a month (no school or drs involvement etc) so it’s baffling how family courts are so backwards and ordered the name change.

I'd be asking your husband why his ego (because that's what it is) is more important than the sibling relationship between his children. When you become a parent, the welfare of your child comes first.

Having different names for each child is just awkward and is going to need explaining to people throughout their entire childhood. It will be confusing for the children themselves (why are we different?), their schools, doctors, friends, and for what?

I think my argument would be that you can all just drop surnames altogether. Be like Madonna. No point having a "family name" if everyone in the family has a different one.