To wish I’d never had children?

But I, like I’m sure many others, did not post on that thread, because the worst things going on in my life pale into insignificance compared to other people’s experiences. It would have been crass to post in that context, so I didn’t. We don’t all lead lives of misery, that thread was likely not representative.

I think you need to seek some help from this. You don't want your children to pick up on your negativity either.

I’m with the posters who sense you are suffering from depression. ‘Realism’ isn’t the level of negativity or hopelessness you describe. You may also be giving out negative/depressed vibes and have created a kind of echo chamber amongst friends which is why you feel/see it reflected back at you.

Life is definitely difficult at times for most people, for a myriad of reasons, but if you are not finding joy in any aspect of it (those happy, cheerful children; find the dog’s antics funny; feel pleasure on waking to discover it’s finally a sunny morning etc), then you are very likely depressed.

Speak to a GP and see if you can self refer for counselling.

I've experienced significant loss in my life and at a young age too. I also have ongoing issues with my wider family which can make me sad at times but I still don't think life is miserable. I like my job and colleagues, I love my family. I feel very content just sitting reading a book. There's a lot of house tidying drudgery but it doesn't outweigh the positives.

I am the same age as you and we had it easy compared to parents of young children nowadays so I don't think you can compare your life with the OP's.

You didn't go through covid and social media was still in its infancy. There wasn't a war in Europe.

I don't think she is depressed at all, I think that she is just being realistic.

Well stated. There is nothing 'realistic' about their attitude, it is just being miserable for misery's own sake. People who have that mindset really shouldn't have children.

It might be your reality but it certainly isn't mine. Living with this mindset seems to be a choice for you. Why are you choosing it?

I can’t relate I’m afraid, and I don’t think the majority of people I know could either. I’m not saying life is completely rosy all the time, but I love my life and enjoy most days. I consider myself to be really lucky, but then I had a crappy childhood so maybe it’s all relative. Please try talking to somebody as it does sound like you have an overly negative view point. It can’t be nice feeling like that.

Life has its ups and downs but generally I am very happy with my life. I have a 1 year old girl who is happy and healthy and I have lots to look forward to this year.
I agree with others that you should talk to someone if these feelings continue, as it doesn't sound normal.

Friend 1 sounds like she’s desperate for Friend 2 to have children. I wonder why.

There is a saying about the "U-bend of life"

That when you are you young and responsibility free you are happy, then in the middle of life when you are doing the difficult job of raising children you are less happy, then later in life when the children grow up you are happy again, as you can not only relax and retire but share in the joy of what they achieve too, including children of their own.

It's very natural in that middle bit to feel unhappy though, and it happens to us all, just because of how difficult it is.

I daren't even begin to imagine how many kids are being raised by relentlessly miserable adults who are passing off their crushing hopelessness as a dose of realism, if this thread is anything to go by. These are the real have-nots, what chance do they have?

Exactly. I haven't heard of Hans Rosling, but I had come to a very similar conclusion myself.

I feel like this but I acknowledge it's because I'm depressed, and that it's mainly because my husband hates me. I don't think it's a reason not to have children. You say they're happy and cheerful - isn't that enough?

Search the videos of Hans Rosling on youtube. The world isn't in such a bad place as the media portray it to be. There are a lot of positives. Also, not watching the news helps. It's not realistic to only broadcast the worst stuff. They are being dramatic for views and money. Of course bad stuff still happens, but on the scale of billions of peole, most are living in peace, have access to health care, have a roof over their head, have a job and (a) family.

No, they really aren't. I don't feel like that, neither does anyone I know. If you feel that 95% of life is bad, then that is a real problem and NOT reflective of reality.

I feel this too, OP. It is realism. I'd never, ever have children now. What a world.

I really think you should speak to your GP.

Of course bad things happen, but so do wonderful things. I think most people, regardless of challenges, find enough joy in life to be happy they are here. Depression robs this feeling from you.

Well they are normal/realistic, and I never needed a doctor for the way I feel.
It's called reality and some of us dare speak it.

YANBU,OP.
I couldn't agree with you more.
Not depressed, realistic.
I decided not to have any kids, but you resonate with me especially with the unhappiness
of adults and,
as I say, 5% of life is ok - happy, 95% is crap
for adults.
No advice really, I just wish the suggestions about depression wouldn't be so readily given.

My mortgage is paid off lol. That said, I do hear what you're saying. I still prefer adult life.

You sound very low OP.

When I look at the people I know, I rarely see anyone that looks sad. I see people enjoying themselves, laughing, planning things, enjoying the company of those around them.

Of course I know people that are sad sometimes, or struggling with health, money worries etc but in general the people around me have more good days than bad.

I have 3 DC and all I want is for them to happy, settled and loved but I don’t think they’ve got less chance of that than I had or my parents, grandparents before me.

I understand your point OP and tbh I do have periods where I think similarly when I look
at my DD and how happy and innocent she is. But I actually think life is pretty good on the whole.I dislike the monotony of work and think working from home fully has added to this but equally it's also given me huge amounts of time back with my family that I am very grateful of.

On the whole I think disallowing things outside of our control like war, natural disasters etc life is what you make it and in the UK whilst it's not perfect we have autonomy and freedom. However I am also aware that whilst I am not well off by any means I do have financial freedom, a smaller mortgage and savings etc which give more choice and options not only to me but also my children. I also haven't got any medical issues and am generally attractive and well educated with friends etc so again think I'm probably speaking from a position of privilege.

I completely agree, OP. I feel quite upset with myself that I've inflicted life on my children. We aren't rich so I've catapulted them into a miserable, nasty hell on earth with no safety net and no money. I walked though our town yesterday and looked at the fly tipping, discarded vapes and druggies and I honestly thought what the hell have I done?

OP, ignore those saying you sound depressed - you just sound realistic.
What you've described is almost entirely why I didn't have them. I have a genuinely happy life while also safe in the knowledge I won't be inflicting this awful world on another human.