To wish I’d never had children?

YABU for finding life hard : it is at times.

But YABU for regretting your dcs. You say you look at them being cheerful and think they have no idea. But they DO have an idea: they are happy when you are watching them in those moments and that happiness is a real experience. You are doing something right - very, very right- that you have happy Dcs in the here and now. Can you focus on that to grow your sense of hope and purpose? Of course you won’t be able to solve every issue for them, you will lose your temper at times and say things you regret or just not be “ fun” enough. But every single time you do see them being happy is a moment of happiness they are having because you gave them the gift of life. Sorry if that sounds like it needs a wet soundtrack! But that happiness you witness is not deluded: it’s real - and they may never end up feeling as you do now.

@Superlambaanana ’Unfortunately most will be disappointed as their children will just continue to have MH problems because the of their ADHD diagnosis at age 4, mollycoddling and social media/ digital device addiction. They'll trip through life gathering up failed relationships and grasping at an ever illusive state of contentment and probably post on MN about how they wished they'd never had children in the first place.’

what on earth?? What did people with ADHD ever do to you, Super? That is extremely rude!

Why is buying this own house so important to him? Especially at 17.
In lots of other countries France and Germany, possibly Italy too it's quite rare to own a house (according to the people I know) and most people rent.
And as for retiring, he's got years and years to build a decent pension.
I don't mean this nastily but is it possible he's picked up a negative attitude from you??

This is beautiful. I’m also the survivor of a traumatic, abusive childhood and I love life now and never take it for granted, despite the inevitable suffering we all must face. I think it’s usually those who have had real setbacks and difficulties early in life that are usually the most resilient and able to appreciate the good in life as adults. When I say there is a spiritual crisis in contemporary society I don’t necessarily mean in a religious sense. It’s a general lack of the stoicism that the British used to be so famous for. The understanding that life is suffering, but we don’t give in to despair, we endure and ultimately we thrive and enjoy the beauty and joy that exists alongside the bad.

When I had my dc I was in a happier, more optimistic, naive place where I knew the world wasn’t always great but I believed there was a flip side of joy.
Age and experience have now shown me differently and largely I think life is 99.9% grind and misery with 0.01% where everything is ok.
My dc are young and cheerful, I look at them and think - you’ve got no idea.
It is all just such shit all the time, if my parents had been able to ask me before having me I’d have 100% said no, knowing what I do now.
Everyone I know is unhappy (adult) - this doesn’t give particularly good odds for my own children being content.
And I understand no one is happy all the time - happiness is fleeting - I mean more a sort of settled, calm feeling that everything is ok.

Aibu to really regret my dc - for their sake - all the misery and unhappiness that just being alive brings?

I agree with you. To not have to think this way I think is a kind of privilege (that I wish I had)

I don’t think it’s depression - I think it’s realism.
Look at the recent thread where everyone had something (generally awful) that was making their lives deeply unhappy.
life is a cycle of worry and loss.

Life does have its shit moments, but even though I have had a few ‘episodes’, generally speaking,life is good. I certainly don’t wish my children were never born, or myself!
I think there are far too many misery -mongers in the press/media/tv; and politicians are the worst for telling people how they should be feeling about any given subject. I think that if you let it, it can be anxiety-inducing.
we all need to learn to be happy with what we have…..but if you can’t be happy - do something about it!

How do people who think that life is shit account for the fact that many people are happy, optimistic and hopeful about their lives and that of their children's lives too?

My view is that we've set up a system of global living (or at least UK living) that's indisputably shit for the vast majority. That doesn't mean that every person is exposed to how shit it is. Some are extremely fortunate and cushioned from it. Others are oblivious to how bad things are and content in their own little bubbles. Others experience the shitness but are more resilient and can find their own happiness within it.

I can't deny that I look at people who are happily having babies despite climate change and think they're completely bananas, but hey, they're way happier than I am.

Ah OP I feel your pain and sadness. Life is hard and the relentless downward spiral the world seems to be taking right now is frightening. I worry for my kids too. And sometimes it seems beyond hard and futile just to keep trucking on.

But it is worth trying to see the good; we are all here; we're alive! And, and I genuinely mean this as something positive, it is always possible to die. This is true for you and for your kids - there is always an exit door and we can walk through it any time we like really. So why not wait and see? Wait for the weather to turn, to step out of the door and smell the sap rising in the trees and the sun warming the paving slabs and feel the life inside you answering that? To talk with that friend who always makes you feel so seen and understood, who always leaves you laughing no matter how serious the things that you've both shared? To share a joke with your kids that randomly escalates until you're all crying with laughter and can't stop? To start reading a book which totally sucks you in and takes your thoughts in a direction that they've never gone before? To see your kids fall in love and get married, or achieve something they're proud of? To hold your grandchild? If and when the darkness closes in again, the exit door is still there waiting. But if you wait there will be moments worth experiencing.

So much for the sales pitch. You don't mention being suicidal really, just darkly cynical about life and your former 'naivety' for thinking it was worthwhile. So can I ask - what used to give you pleasure? What makes you unhappy now? What do you fear for your children's futures that you wish you could spare them? Can any of this information be used to form a plan that can improve the outlook, or even just your day to day quality of life?

Also, and I hate to be so tedious, but we are machines of flesh and blood and chemicals, and our brains and our feelings are only functions of these things: so are you getting enough sleep, enough exercise, enough water, eating well, getting hugs? Feeling miserable and hopeless can make all these things harder to do (not to mention small kids can make sleep next to impossible to get), but ironically, if you can do them, you can't help but feel better, and if you can't you absolutely will feel worse - it's just the machine doing what it does. I mean even if your perspective on the world now is 100% right and realistic - and who am I to say it isn't? - do you want to just FEEL better, day to day, even if it's just a trick? Do you want to inculcate your kids with healthy habits that will make them better able to endure what life throws at them? Sleep, fluids, sunshine, nutritious food and oxytocin - these are the hacks that can make you feel happier even if there is genuinely nothing to be happy about.

Philosophically, it's a valid position that life is suffering, and you're not wrong necessarily about that. But practically, if you plan to go on, you might as well make it as pleasant as possible for yourself.