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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sex for rent

186 replies

Hartley99 · 08/04/2024 23:16

I was just watching a documentary on the sex for rent scandal. Basically, landlords offer a room in exchange for sex. In most cases, the landlords are older men and the renters are young women. Apparently, it is common in places with large student populations - in other words, where there are lots of very young women who are struggling with debts/ loans.

The whole thing really sickened me. A journalist (herself a young woman) secretly filmed a meeting with one of these landlords. She posed as a young student who had seen his ad and wanted to know more. It made my skin crawl. He was late 40s, and a repulsive, creepy little nerd who could hardly contain his excitement. But what sickened me the most was that not only did he not think he was doing anything wrong, he thought he was being generous! He seemed to think he was doing her a favour! That seemed to be the attitude of all these men.

The other thing that got me was the comments below the video. I had naively expected people to write how vile it all was, how these men were taking advantage of the housing shortage, how they were targeting very young women, and so on. In fact, I read comment after comment (all by men) angrily defending the landlords! The general view seemed to be that it was a big fuss over nothing, that it was up to the women, and that if it was consensual it was OK and we should mind our own business. So many people were defending the landlords that I honestly began to doubt my own judgement. Is it wrong? Am I being over-sensitive and naive?

OP posts:

Original poster

Hartley99 · 09/04/2024 13:26

Thanks for the replies everyone. After reading the comments under these videos, I honestly began to doubt myself. So many people (well, men, let’s be honest) defended the landlords that I wobbled a bit and wondered if I was being prudish and puritanical. A lot of people genuinely cannot see what the fuss is about. I read a couple of articles on this a few years ago, and the online comments were unbelievable. So many men defending these scumbags. The other sickening thing is the way the landlords themselves not only think they’re doing nothing wrong but that they’re being noble and generous - letting the girl stay for ‘free’.

It reminded me of an incident a few years ago. There was a guy I used to see around town who was hideously ugly (late 50s probably). He was often in a wheelchair being pushed by carers. Anyway, one day I saw him sitting in the town centre next to a really pretty but scruffy looking girl with a baby. She was probably 20. As I passed, I thought “oh, that’s nice, that must be his granddaughter or his niece.” Then he suddenly lent forward and stuck his tongue in her mouth. She returned his kiss, and then blushed slightly and looked around to see if anyone was watching. It really shook me. What the hell kind of hold did that disgusting man have over her?

I also remember reading that when the Ukraine war started, there was a massive increase in men looking for Ukrainian brides or girlfriends online. The dating agencies that set up western men with Ukrainian women were overwhelmed with inquiries, apparently. Yet again men taking advantage of vulnerable women. And I bet you’d get the same response from thousands of men: “what’s the problem - it’s their choice. The Ukrainian women get a better life, and the older men get a hot young woman. Everyone’s a winner”

OP posts:

MintGreenC · 09/04/2024 13:21

2024istheyearforme · 09/04/2024 13:09

The biggest reason I think these people are disgusting is because …. How on earth can you feel ok about yourself when you have had sex with someone who doesn't actually want to have sex with you … that's how you know they are not good people because that's gross, Its why i have no problem with prostitutes but i have a problem with the people who use them because how does it not gross them out , My husband cant even get a hard on if I'm not in the mood because he can tell I'm just not into it and so it doesn't turn him on.

Lots of men will pressure women into sex until they give in. That's nothing new.

MintGreenC · 09/04/2024 13:20

SabreIsMyFave · 09/04/2024 13:09

That's not what your post said earlier. You said ...

I know someone who does this. He has a flat in central London and he rents rooms out for sex.

Present tense, not past/YEARS ago. Your post also suggested that you still know him. There was no 'I used to know him many years ago' in your post.

If you do still know him, and he is still doing it, PLEASE report him. You can do it anonymously!

Show quote history

I do suspect he still does it. But he told me about it years ago and I have no evidence is what I mean, he told me verbally. I'm no longer in contact with him and won't be reporting something I have no actual proof of. I didn't report it AT the time as I didn't know it was illegal, thought it was gross but not illegal. I do believe he still does it.

2024istheyearforme · 09/04/2024 13:09

SabreIsMyFave · 09/04/2024 13:09

MintGreenC · 09/04/2024 13:02

No I won't be reporting. This was years ago now and I have no contact with him or no evidence at the time I actually didn't even know it was illegal. He said the women suggested it.

Show quote history

That's not what your post said earlier. You said ...

I know someone who does this. He has a flat in central London and he rents rooms out for sex.

Present tense, not past/YEARS ago. Your post also suggested that you still know him. There was no 'I used to know him many years ago' in your post.

If you do still know him, and he is still doing it, PLEASE report him. You can do it anonymously!

NamechangeForthisquestion1 · 09/04/2024 13:06

Landlord or not this should be classed as DV. (In my opinion).

NamechangeForthisquestion1 · 09/04/2024 13:06

Have you tried women's aid @ItsRalf ?

MintGreenC · 09/04/2024 13:02

SabreIsMyFave · 09/04/2024 11:21

@MintGreenC · Yesterday 23:48

I know someone that does this, he has a flat in central London and rents rooms out for sex..

I sincerely hope you are going to report him to the police. If not, why not?

No I won't be reporting. This was years ago now and I have no contact with him or no evidence at the time I actually didn't even know it was illegal. He said the women suggested it.

MightyGoldBear · 09/04/2024 12:27

MarkSloaneComeBack · 09/04/2024 10:07

This is vile but as long as there are women prepared to do this, it will continue

As long as there are men choosing to use/consume women/people like they aren't humans this will continue.

Augustus40 · 09/04/2024 11:58

I only hope it does not mess these young women's heads up. I feel sorry for them. In addition I wonder what their families would think. Have their parents even found out?

Terrible that today living independently costs an arm and a leg and inevitably a spiral of debts can ensue alongside many minimum wage jobs.f

You can understand why so many young women do camming and in particular Only Fans as a safer alternative. Either full time or part time to subside their sorry incomes.

Too many minimum wage jobs in the UK alongside extortionate rents is the problem here.

RunningJo · 09/04/2024 11:44

Utterly vile and incredibly sad that anyone would think this is even remotely ok.

OhBumBags · 09/04/2024 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Probably one of the vilest posts I've read on MN

Congratulations

If only those women had you to magic them up somewhere to live with all your apparent contacts 🙄

LMMuffet · 09/04/2024 11:39

MarkSloaneComeBack · 09/04/2024 10:07

This is vile but as long as there are women prepared to do this, it will continue

“Women prepared to do this” is a very odd (telling?) choice of phrase. It’s far more likely to be women who feel they have no choice but to do it. And there are men who know that and exploit it. It’s not true consent, as your phrasing suggests.

takealettermsjones · 09/04/2024 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Really? You've spoken to the majority of these women?

Viewing the women as the exploiters in this situation is an interesting angle, I'll give you that.

SabreIsMyFave · 09/04/2024 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WTAF have I just read? If this is not a comment that comes from a MASSIVE place of privilege, I don't know what is. You should be ashamed of yourself posting such a disgusting comment!

peakygold · 09/04/2024 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SabreIsMyFave · 09/04/2024 11:21

@MintGreenC · Yesterday 23:48

I know someone that does this, he has a flat in central London and rents rooms out for sex..

I sincerely hope you are going to report him to the police. If not, why not?

ItsRalf · 09/04/2024 11:13

My landlord tried this with me. I reported it. He gave me a section 21 afterwards. The council was well aware of what he did and yep, I'm still in this property with a god awful landlord who I don't feel safe around. I've tried private properties and I'm struggling to get anywhere. So I have to stay here with this disgusting man. I've paid for repairs to this property as he won't get tradesmen in, he just wants to do them himself. I don't trust him near me or my two daughters who are both teenagers.

The thing is, nobody cares. The police didn't care, the council didn't care. You just have to get on with it until you find another place to live.

luckylavender · 09/04/2024 10:50

Not new sadly

tennesseewhiskey1 · 09/04/2024 10:48

A ceo once said if I slept with him I would be promoted. Vile people everywhere.

CupOfTeaNoSugar · 09/04/2024 10:32

It’s revolting.

It’s always the same predictable comments too “no one’s forcing her to do it”
Urghhh. So, what happens if the poor lass doesn’t want to have sex with you one evening? Are you going to throw her out? Threaten her? Hmm, doesn’t sound so consensual now does it.

The men are always grotesque, sweaty beasts too.

Blackcats7 · 09/04/2024 10:31

Saintmariesleuth · 09/04/2024 07:43

I've not watched the documentary yet OP, but I'm disgusted that there were so many comments supporting the landlord

Sadly, I can't say I'm ever so surprised- there seems to be an increased tolerance (acceptance from some) for porn/ sex work in the mainstream. I'm sure that easier access to porn and the marketing of sites such as onlyfans as more of a 'home business' is serving to normalise sex work.

Yes I agree. Some idiots state that Only Fans empowers women. What utter shite.
Sex work is not a career, it is porn and prostitution. I am sick to the back teeth with sex being publicly displayed normalised and if anyone dares to question it they are a bigot.
I have every sympathy for those driven to it by desperate poverty but not a shred for those who apparently choose it as a way to make so called easy money. The harm that is done to women in general is enormous.
Thank you OP for telling us about this programme. I will be watching it today.

GoldenDoor · 09/04/2024 10:29

Onautopilot1 · 09/04/2024 00:34

I'm horrified that 10 people who have voted are OK with this...I hope they don't have daughters or sisters who may end up in this situation!

This! I haven’t watched the documentary but it’s vile! It’s a horrible mixture of coercion/prostitution and sexual slavery. The world is a horrible place sometimes

KimberleyClark · 09/04/2024 10:24

Golden407 · 09/04/2024 04:13

As grim as this is, are they actually breaking the law?

Show quote history

Isn’t it “living off immoral earnings”?

DonnaBanana · 09/04/2024 10:24

They are also breaking tax laws if they don’t establish a monetary value for this bartering and pay income tax on it

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