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Original poster

Sex for rent

186 replies

Hartley99 · 08/04/2024 23:16

I was just watching a documentary on the sex for rent scandal. Basically, landlords offer a room in exchange for sex. In most cases, the landlords are older men and the renters are young women. Apparently, it is common in places with large student populations - in other words, where there are lots of very young women who are struggling with debts/ loans.

The whole thing really sickened me. A journalist (herself a young woman) secretly filmed a meeting with one of these landlords. She posed as a young student who had seen his ad and wanted to know more. It made my skin crawl. He was late 40s, and a repulsive, creepy little nerd who could hardly contain his excitement. But what sickened me the most was that not only did he not think he was doing anything wrong, he thought he was being generous! He seemed to think he was doing her a favour! That seemed to be the attitude of all these men.

The other thing that got me was the comments below the video. I had naively expected people to write how vile it all was, how these men were taking advantage of the housing shortage, how they were targeting very young women, and so on. In fact, I read comment after comment (all by men) angrily defending the landlords! The general view seemed to be that it was a big fuss over nothing, that it was up to the women, and that if it was consensual it was OK and we should mind our own business. So many people were defending the landlords that I honestly began to doubt my own judgement. Is it wrong? Am I being over-sensitive and naive?

OP posts:
ageratum1 · 24/04/2024 13:34

Hartley99 · 24/04/2024 13:28

Exactly. The same argument is made by men with foreign brides. I knew a guy with a young Thai wife. He was an ugly, nerdy 50-something and she was a beautiful 20-something with a baby daughter. He also had a cat from a rescue home and used to joke that he lived in a house full of things he'd "saved". Bullshit. That girl was poor and vulnerable and he took advantage. Simple as that.

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There is middle ground between being altruistic, and being exploitative, and that is a transactional relationship.She gets a UK passport and a more comfortable life and opportunitiesfir her child , and he gets a pretty young thai wife.

FinkleFlint · 24/04/2024 13:33

It is completely wrong!

I met one of these people years ago (unknowingly until I got there!)

A friend had forwarded an ad for a flatshare with some guy. The city I was in had a huge housing shortage and getting a place was brutal. I’d been in a series of short-term accommodations (hostels, sublets while tenants were on holiday).

Arrived at the place and the guy was about 30 years older than he looked in his pic.

There was only one double bed in the whole place. When I asked where the other person’s meant to sleep he looked peeved af – well why do you think it’s so cheap?? he huffed. You’d think I was entitled to expect anything more by his attitude.

Turned out he’d advertised at BMR for somewhere to live as he wanted a young woman to shag him – and help him with his emails 😬😂

Madness

Original poster
Hartley99 · 24/04/2024 13:28

SwordToFlamethrower · 24/04/2024 09:53

If these men really cared and wanted to help out struggling, young women, they'd offer their rooms for free, no strings.

This is so similar to the Oxfam scandal where aid workers were paying women and children for sex, arguing they were helping them financially and they were helping those struggling.

No.

If they wanted to help struggling women and kids, they'd give them money with no strings.

It's always sex isn't it. These men are offenders, taking advantage of vulnerable women and children for their own gratification.

Exactly. The same argument is made by men with foreign brides. I knew a guy with a young Thai wife. He was an ugly, nerdy 50-something and she was a beautiful 20-something with a baby daughter. He also had a cat from a rescue home and used to joke that he lived in a house full of things he'd "saved". Bullshit. That girl was poor and vulnerable and he took advantage. Simple as that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hartley99 · 24/04/2024 13:25

claireismyname · 24/04/2024 08:01

Would this be any different if the man asking for sex was young and attractive, the property located in Chelsea, and the sex was once per month.

And is it the same if the woman in question has regular casual sex with strangers she meets in pubs after being bought a round of drinks?

Not a clear cut matter I'm afraid.

If she has casual sex with a man she meets in a pub, it's because she finds him attractive and wants to have sex. That is different. The man isn't taking advantage of her.

Whenever this subject comes up, people say "yeah, but what if it was an older woman and he was a sexy young guy? What if it was a beautiful young man asking for sex instead of rent from an older woman? Bet you wouldn't have a problem then, huh?" Well, yes, it's still deeply unpleasant. Any form of sexual exploitation is ugly and horrible. But let's be honest here. In 99% of cases it's ugly, creepy older men asking for sex from young, and often poor, women. It's no coincidence that cases are highest in student areas.

OP posts:
SwordToFlamethrower · 24/04/2024 09:53

If these men really cared and wanted to help out struggling, young women, they'd offer their rooms for free, no strings.

This is so similar to the Oxfam scandal where aid workers were paying women and children for sex, arguing they were helping them financially and they were helping those struggling.

No.

If they wanted to help struggling women and kids, they'd give them money with no strings.

It's always sex isn't it. These men are offenders, taking advantage of vulnerable women and children for their own gratification.

BIossomtoes · 24/04/2024 08:56

It’s a fair point.

Disturbia81 · 24/04/2024 08:09

claireismyname · 24/04/2024 08:01

Would this be any different if the man asking for sex was young and attractive, the property located in Chelsea, and the sex was once per month.

And is it the same if the woman in question has regular casual sex with strangers she meets in pubs after being bought a round of drinks?

Not a clear cut matter I'm afraid.

Bloke alert! 😂

claireismyname · 24/04/2024 08:01

Would this be any different if the man asking for sex was young and attractive, the property located in Chelsea, and the sex was once per month.

And is it the same if the woman in question has regular casual sex with strangers she meets in pubs after being bought a round of drinks?

Not a clear cut matter I'm afraid.

BIossomtoes · 18/04/2024 15:29

SabreIsMyFave · 18/04/2024 15:26

@Mamasharp97 · 11/04/2024 09:08

To be honest I’d do it. I’d be able to save £12,000 in a year, and buy a house in two 🤷‍♀️

You really think you can buy a house for £24,000? 😂

Where do you live??? 1981?

Deposit obviously. But then you knew that, didn’t you?

SabreIsMyFave · 18/04/2024 15:26

@Mamasharp97 · 11/04/2024 09:08

To be honest I’d do it. I’d be able to save £12,000 in a year, and buy a house in two 🤷‍♀️

You really think you can buy a house for £24,000? 😂

Where do you live??? 1981?

Mamasharp97 · 18/04/2024 15:10

Northernsouloldies · 11/04/2024 09:43

Are you sure the payoff would be worth it ,some repulsive oik grunting away on top of you? What looks ok on paper might be very different in reality.

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i just think a few years sacrifice to give my children something to inherit. Reality is I will probably not be able to buy a house until my parents die. And I will have wasted so much money just surviving. I completely understand why someone would do this 🤷‍♀️

Mamasharp97 · 18/04/2024 15:08

MsLuxLisbon · 11/04/2024 09:59

Gross. Have some self respect.

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Lmao why though? I’d be independent much sooner, my children will have something worth hundreds of thousands to inherit, and I wouldn’t be wasting £1200 a month (most of my paycheck) to be able to live

rhinosandhippos · 11/04/2024 22:30

There's a thread in the property section about the soaring costs of rents. I agree the men who offer sex for rent are awful and taking advantage of vulnerable women (and maybe vulnerable men too, if there's any gay landlords doing this?) but I just think it's no good saying sex for rent is bad without addressing why it's happening. If the cost of housing isn't addressed, the alternative to sex for rent will be someone is homeless and that's definitely not safe.

I think with the poll, some could be 'fat fingers'? I've done that before.

Original poster
Hartley99 · 11/04/2024 21:45

Mantissatopower4 · 11/04/2024 21:26

It’s not 10 people, the vote showed 10%. Currently it’s 8% of the 1250 who voted, that’s about 100 people currently!

Edited
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God knows what the results would have been if it was only men voting. Look up an article or video on sex for rent and then read the comments underneath. It’s unbelievable. So many men genuinely cannot see the problem. And a lot of them don’t just defend these scumbags, they angrily defend them. No wonder so few women report rape or childhood abuse.

OP posts:
Mantissatopower4 · 11/04/2024 21:26

Onautopilot1 · 09/04/2024 00:34

I'm horrified that 10 people who have voted are OK with this...I hope they don't have daughters or sisters who may end up in this situation!

It’s not 10 people, the vote showed 10%. Currently it’s 8% of the 1250 who voted, that’s about 100 people currently!

Original poster
Hartley99 · 11/04/2024 14:06

TheBOAT · 11/04/2024 12:11

The way I see it landlords engaging in this behaviour is no different to random men engaging the services of sex workers. In other words the debate/discussion should be about prostitution in general, as there is nothing different or worse when it's a landlord.

As to consensual prostitution in general, well it's a tricky one. Obviously it's horrible for the women (and sometimes men) who have to endure it just to put bread on the table. However, the reality of life is that without earning a living you're hungry and homeless.

As such people have to engage in all kinds of unsavory jobs to earn a living. That doesn't in itself make it exploitative or coercive.

I see your point. Personally, I think men who suggest sex for rent are worse than men who visit prostitutes. I think men who go to Thailand or Russia in search of young brides are also worse. It’s the way they take advantage of these women that sickens me. They know they’re vulnerable, and they exploit that. You could say that prostitutes are also vulnerable, and that their clients are taking advantage, but I’m not convinced that is always the case. It’s all pretty hideous and depressing, of course, but I’m sure some prostitutes see their job as just that - a job. I have heard women say that they enjoy sex work, and that they prefer it to working in Tesco.

Also, it’s the power imbalance and the age gap that I hate. I could forgive a teenage boy who visited a brothel. He’s young and stupid and half-mad with raging hormones, but an older man should know better. With sex for rent, or foreign brides, it’s always ugly old men with money exploiting young attractive women without.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hartley99 · 11/04/2024 13:44

ItsRalf · 11/04/2024 09:32

I just refuse him access and never let myself be alone around him if I ever need to be near him.

We have viewings each week for other properties but it is a nightmare! Hopefully something soon though x

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I wonder how a man like that would react if you called him out on his behaviour? I mean, if you looked him in the face and said “what you did was disgusting. You knew I was struggling and you tried to take advantage. Imagine if that was your daughter or sister. How could you have looked yourself in the mirror?”

I’m sure some scumbags would just laugh, and others are so fucking cretinous they wouldn’t understand. But I bet some would feel bad if they were confronted in that way. Often, it’s only when somebody spells something out that people realise what they’re doing is wrong.

OP posts:
TheBOAT · 11/04/2024 12:11

The way I see it landlords engaging in this behaviour is no different to random men engaging the services of sex workers. In other words the debate/discussion should be about prostitution in general, as there is nothing different or worse when it's a landlord.

As to consensual prostitution in general, well it's a tricky one. Obviously it's horrible for the women (and sometimes men) who have to endure it just to put bread on the table. However, the reality of life is that without earning a living you're hungry and homeless.

As such people have to engage in all kinds of unsavory jobs to earn a living. That doesn't in itself make it exploitative or coercive.

BigPharma · 11/04/2024 11:01

MarkSloaneComeBack · 09/04/2024 10:07

This is vile but as long as there are women prepared to do this, it will continue

I dont think you get the point being expressed.
There is a choice but not really - much like Sophies choice ( please see premise of film )
homelessness and not being safe- or doing something with a man that makes you feel violated ( so that you can have somewhere to stay ).
much like the girls who strip or work brothels in America, that have chosen this path ( but again not a real choice, what was the alternative ??? think about it )

not everyone has friends or family to support them

MintGreenC · 11/04/2024 10:38

MsLuxLisbon · 11/04/2024 09:26

You keep justifying it, which says a lot about you TBH. How did you come to know this man?

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I don’t care what you think, it wasn’t me doing it and I wonder if the others on this thread who was offered this set up reported it? Probably not. I clearly stated at the time I didn’t know it was illegal. Gross but not illegal. The woman I was told about was not going to be homeless she moved from a flat share to his, if you were going to be homeless you would live anywhere you wouldn’t hope to only live in zone 1 of central London 😑

MsLuxLisbon · 11/04/2024 09:59

Mamasharp97 · 11/04/2024 09:08

To be honest I’d do it. I’d be able to save £12,000 in a year, and buy a house in two 🤷‍♀️

Gross. Have some self respect.

GoldenDoor · 11/04/2024 09:47

@ItsRalf hoping you find something soon. Do you share a house/living space with him or “just” have him as a landlord?

Northernsouloldies · 11/04/2024 09:43

Mamasharp97 · 11/04/2024 09:08

To be honest I’d do it. I’d be able to save £12,000 in a year, and buy a house in two 🤷‍♀️

Are you sure the payoff would be worth it ,some repulsive oik grunting away on top of you? What looks ok on paper might be very different in reality.

ItsRalf · 11/04/2024 09:32

Hartley99 · 09/04/2024 14:20

God, I’m so sorry. What an absolute piece of shit. The fact that you have teenage daughters is so upsetting. I hope things work out for you and you get them away from him, I really do. I also hope he steps out in front of a bus.

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I just refuse him access and never let myself be alone around him if I ever need to be near him.

We have viewings each week for other properties but it is a nightmare! Hopefully something soon though x

MsLuxLisbon · 11/04/2024 09:26

MintGreenC · 09/04/2024 18:21

See in the situation I know of the alternative wasn't being homeless it was women who wanted to live in a nice location but not have to pay for it, the women were usually living with parents or in a room in a house share in a rotten area and fancied living in a nicer area in zone 1 central London so it seemed way more of a transaction rather than desperate women doing it because they would be homeless otherwise! Hence not reporting it as it seemed very much a two way thing.

You keep justifying it, which says a lot about you TBH. How did you come to know this man?