Female colleague calling and texting partner all the time

I didn't even need to read your whole post before realising I would be losing my S* over this

Ringing him to tell him what she's had for lunch???? wth

No it isnt. Stop dramatising stuff. Men and women can be friends.

I'd call that hiding in plain sight.

I have a colleague I quite often speak to for no real reason aside from a bit of a bitch about work/comparing notes on some of the nonsense, I'm acutely aware of what it might look like to his wife but I don't think he really is aware of that. From my perspective it's completely innocent but in my experience it's very easy for men to get a bit flattered by attention that's not really there

Well if you know how it'll be making his wife feel and you think he's flattered by your attention, why carry on doing it? It might be innocent from your perspective but doing it knowing its probably upsetting his wife is just bitchy behaviour

Not the OP’s responsibility but I think the colleague needs a bit of life advice. If she wants out of work friendship she needs to invest in people closer to her own age and with similar responsibilities, and if she wants an affair with a man with a 3 month old baby she needs a therapist.

The OP’s DH is not doing her any favours.

You also said they might be working from home, so you clearly missed the part where OP said they're paramedics.

I didnt say they did. I said it was LIKE the chat they WOULD HAVE in an office

She's only behaving this way because someone, your DH, has given her the green light and shown her he is open to it.

He knows it bothers you but is prioritising the ego boost he gets from this friendship.

Like another poster, I'm in favour of opposite sex friendships, but your DH's behaviour here is taking the mick.

If she's his friend, suggest he arranges for you both to get together with her on a day off - coffee, lunch out.

Sounds very shifty to me. My wife and I rarely bother telling each other what we've had for lunch and have friends of 30 years who aren't phoning all the time to discuss the minutiae of everyday life

Obviously I don't know your husband but I'd be shocked if he tolerated this level of contact with someone he didn't have feelings for

Why? Blame the husband who's picking up.

You'd just look a bit unhinged is he's saying 'hi Tia, you alright?' And you're in the back going 'this is family time, Tia!' Tell your husband

If she's on speaker, ask them both why she's interrupting family time again, is it an emergency.

They're either having an affair, or will be in the future. She fancies him, and he either does to, or is oblivious to it.

At the end of the day it all comes down to your husband.

All married people have plenty of opportunity to have inappropriate friendships/cheat.

I'm on maternity leave at the moment and if I wanted to I would have plenty of opportunity to text/call different men. I don't, because it's wrong.

What I'm trying to say: it's all your husband's fault. If it wasn't this woman, it would be a different one.

I know a guy who was having an affair and he would purposefully get the OW to call him when he was his wife, with the pre-arranged plan of them just having a “friendly” conversation with him which he did via speaker phone.

It was all a ploy, it was all staged to make his wife think there was nothing suspicious going as he was happy to have the call on speakerphone so his wife could see it was just an innocent friendship.

There were a lot of speakerphone conversations going on to put a show on for his wife, but the ‘real’ phone calls with the OW were all done in private.

It’s easily done, and the same can be done with text messages. Don’t underestimate the steps a cheating spouse will take to cover up their infidelity.

Paramedics working in a pair, side-by-side, for long hours whilst acting as an emotional support for each other can lead to a very intense relationship developing.

You are obviously very uncomfortable with what is going on, and even if there is no affair going on (yet) then you need to be aware of its potential. The period of time after a new baby arrives on the scene is one that is highly inducive to affairs beginning.

Tell him how you feel and if he priorities her feelings over yours then you have a problem.

Precisely

I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Assuming they’re both relatively youngish.

As a not so youngish person my go to view would be that he’s a tit, if not having a real fling they’re having an emotional one. The other woman thinks she loves him, wants him to leave his wife and child for her and doesn’t give a fck about them. The man is a man and will usually (but not always) follow his dick. I’m hoping he’s a decent man and will just stop.

They don't work in an office.

She does initiate all of the contact but by him answering and reply to her he is encouraging it. Which he shouldn’t be. He just says he’s not being rude by not replying

He doesn't have to reply promptly, though, nor does he have to pick up the phone when she calls. Point out to him that his other colleagues don't feel the need to communicate to this extent and he needs to start dialling back so that the relationship with this woman is more or less on the same terms as it is with other people he works with. He could start answering her calls only occasionally and only when you are with him, and leaving lengthening gaps before he responds to texts. When he talks to her, he should keep it short, probably saying that he's in the middle of doing something with you and the baby. And show zero interest in either her dates or what she had for lunch.

He understands it already.

YANBU. She is being disrespectful to you and so is he. They need to stop, he will hopefully understand this if you explain how you feel.

First issue is using Snapchat in your 30s 🙄 Your husband needs to shut it down.

Paramedics working closely together, experiencing trauma can create very intense relationships

this profession like the police is notorious for affairs

I reckon she probably thinks there's "something there" even if he says there isn't, and he is secretly enjoying the attention.

I think he's very disrespectful to ignore and minimise your discomfort and he should have cooled it off a bit and had a word with his colleague as to why.

I have a colleague I quite often speak to for no real reason aside from a bit of a bitch about work/comparing notes on some of the nonsense, I'm acutely aware of what it might look like to his wife but I don't think he really is aware of that. From my perspective it's completely innocent but in my experience it's very easy for men to get a bit flattered by attention that's not really there.

He fancies her too. He did from the start, that’s why he said she was “annoying” etc. It was annoying that he fancied her but couldn’t make a move.
OP the fact she tells him all about dates she goes on is most definitely not innocent.
Doesn’t she have her own friends?