Female colleague calling and texting partner all the time

Is there rules in relationships between crews? I would go to their boss and let it be known and also file for cms. That might make him think.

He is proving just how enmeshed and addicted he is to their intimate dynamic, be it KISA/Damsel or the cliche ‘adoring her adoration.’

He is a shit husband and father. He’s been giving less and creating emotional distance between you to make space for OW during your pregnancy through to the present. That distance is blatantly evident in his current behavior, in which he diminishes and disregards all you have and are giving to him and your child. It’s how he justifies his inappropriate choices.

I feel angry on your behalf, @N12251234. You’ve been clear about your reasonable boundary, and he’s had time to turn this around and put you and his new baby first. He hasn’t, and instead has attempted to do a total snow job on you so he could continue his cake eating.

I wouldn’t stay in this limbo for much longer. I would make an exit plan, end things, and leave them to it.

He really is a dud. I’m sure his colleague will be flattered by his description of her as ‘simple.’ What a prince.

So sorry, OP 💐

Well it looks like he’s tried every single tactic on the gaslighters bingo card and failed, so he’s gone back to mummy’s to sulk. I’m so sorry you had the “but you didn’t pay meeeeee enough attention one” that happened to me and it sucks. I’m hoping that MIL is going to tear him a new one and demand to know wtf he is playing at! I’m reallly sorry this is happening to you OP, I’d be getting legal advice asap 💐

I am so sorry. It is unthinkable he would put a supposedly platonic friendship with a "simple" work colleague ahead of his wife and child. He has to look after her but you and the baby can just fend for yourself? Then when you made a very reasonable request he ran off home to mummy and daddy.

I hope you have a job and a decently earning career to go back to as well as supportive parents because I don't think you can ever rely on him again. After his behaviour, I just couldn't ever contemplate taking him back knowing what he is really like.

If you have a joint account remove your share of the money into a separate account - he sounds nasty enough to drain the account.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've been here (OW is 15 years younger than me). They were just friends, then best friends, then ok she has a crush on me but I'm not going to do anything about it (or back off at all). He constantly prioritised her over me, she also used to tell him all about her dates/sex life. We then split because I'm an awful unreasonable person who is impossible to live with (despite having lived in harmony for 16 years before she came along).

I genuinely couldn't believe it he hated his dad for cheating and leaving his mum, he loved me and we had built a life and had businesses together. Once he got entangled with her I didn't recognise him. We had a period of working on our marriage but in the end I made him choose and he chose her. He was still insisting at this point that there was nothing in it but then moved her in to the house the day I moved out!

They are still together two years on but he did admit in a weak moment that he made a big mistake and hates himself for what he did to me. It's so hard as we genuinely love each other and I still miss him everyday but he took what we had and shit all over it and there's no coming back from that.

I wish you every strength.

He's prepared to break up your family for an 'innocent friendship'? I think that tells you it isn't innocent one iota!
Oh and I wonder if she knows that he openly calls her 'simple'. She can't be that thick if she's a paramedic!
I'm really sorry OP

Precisely - if she's really 'simple minded' (not) then she shouldn't be in a job where she could be coping with a life or death situation - and he's bloody irresponsible not to have flagged this up to his superiors. He's really treating the OP like a mug if he thinks she will believe this crap - and to be frank it doesn't say a lot about his own mental processes, either! He probably lacks the guts to be honest with his own wife about what's going on, but to behave this way when there's a small child in the equation is just appalling, he couldn't care less.

What I find staggering is that this bloke is in such a responsible public-facing job and yet he behaves like a Grade A arsehole.

The fact he isn't desperate to see his child since leaving says it all. What a pathetic excuse for a father. Any decent dad would be desperate to see, hold and cuddle their child after a day away let alone more. Disgusting. I'm so sorry OP.

Wow. He's already reading off the script....it's your fault, you've been neglecting him blah di blah. What a dick. Sorry OP - that response tells you all you need to know

The fact he isn't bothered about seeing his child speaks volumes

He really thinks you're stupid, OP. Whether he's had sex with her yet or not is almost beside the point, because either way he's willing to risk his marriage and his child's happy home to be her "friend." He has broken trust with you by putting her welfare ahead of yours. Another immature twat of a man who can't handle adult relationships. Sorry, OP.

I genuinely do not understand how he doesn't find her very tedious and annoying?!! If somebody I worked with kept telling me what they had just had for their tea, I would internally sigh every time I saw them. I can just about feign interest in what my kids had for school dinners. How fucking boring.

It sounds like a bit of hero worshiping on her part, as she is new to the job and he is an old hand. At 23 she doesn't even know what she doesn't know. It sounds like a school girl crush and she sees him as a teacher (and dead old).

Sorry he is being an epic twat, OP, but I don't think he is having an affair. I think he is doubling down as he knows he is being a total bellend, and a foolish old man.

What a self serving piece of shit he is. Boo hoo, girl at work needs all his attention. Because she's too delicate for a front line job? Yet his wife and tiny baby don't deserve respect? Fuck him. Not literally, obviously. I'm so sorry.

He's not in the force is he?

I'm sorry it's so shit when you've got a little baby too x

He said that she needs his support because she is a bit simple minded, and he needs to look out for her.

If he is genuinely concerned that she can’t do her job he needs to take that up with his line manager, not cover for her.

Why that would involve getting daily reports on her lunch is anyone’s guess.

Well, if she is that simple, some of us are doomed if she's a paramedic in our area! And if these two always travel together, then some of us are doubly doomed if we ever need an ambulance.

Simple, my arse - OP should tell him HE'S the one that's simple if he thinks for one minute she believes his story. Has he been brainwashed? Joined a cult? Been near the drugs cabinet on one of the wards? Could he really not come up with anything better than this?

He’s put her above you and his newborn. Total cunt.

He is a total fucking joke. My god.

They really do all have a script don’t they?

If he’s not shagging her, or trying to, I’ll eat my shoes.

Does he think you were born yesterday?

She's a bit simple? She's a paramedic, she can't be that simple!!

Well done for you asserting your boundary. The worst part is that he's not bothered about his child!

Oh, @N12251234, you must be reeling. The gaslighting garbage he is spouting is a mockery of your intelligence. What a faithless, self-serving piece of work he is.

He is obviously deep in his affair fog, and hugely gratified by it, as he is ready to trash his marriage and family rather than give up OW. His allegiance and primary relationship are now with her, hence his lack of empathy and devaluation of you and the baby.

He over-egged it with his ‘she’s a bit simple minded’ spiel.

@N12251234, you would be wise to consult with a solicitor to learn your legal and financial options.

Has she recently pushed a small human being out of her nether regions?

Has she not had a full night’s sleep for weeks?

He is unbelievable.

I just hate that this is breaking up our family.

HE is breaking up your family. He is cheating on you, gaslighting you, lying to you, and willing to leave you and your baby over her. It really is absolutely shocking that anyone is capable of being this cold and selfish.

Tell his mother immediately that he is staying at her's for good.

He said that she needs his support because she is a bit simple minded, and he needs to look out for her. She also suffers with anxiety so he's just being there for her. Apparnatly I woudn't understand, eventhough I too suffer with anxiety, as I don't do the job that they do.
And the icing on the cake was that I’ve been less affectionate lately to him and I don't make as much effort/ have as much time for him. (I explained that all my attention at the minute is focused on recovering from a rough pregnancy and birth. That we have an almost 4-month-old who is a rubbish sleeper and I am doing all the night feeds so I'm exhausted). But that all went over his head.
I'm so sorry you've had that response.

Whether he is looking for an affair or not, he is enjoying playing the white knight and prince charming to her because it gives him an ego boost and he's enjoying the attention.

Unfortunately there's lots of threads on here where some men become quite childish when a baby arrives because they're no longer able to demand their wife/partner focuses 100% on them.

Please don't get sucked into doing the pick me dance over a man who is feeling hard done to that his wife is looking after a baby.

He said that she needs his support because she is a bit simple minded,

Fucking hell. And she's working as a paramedic? Let's hope she doesn't have to cope with anything difficult, or life threatening, eh? Oh wait...