Page 2 | Female colleague calling and texting partner all the time

N12251234 · 2024-04-08T21:05:29+00:00

So I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married for 3. We have a 3 month old baby together. Just before we conceived our child my husband got a new female colleague. He works 12 hour shifts with her 2 out of the 4 shifts he does in a week. She is 23 and single. We are both in our early 30’s. To begin with he didn’t really like this girl, called her annoying and some other not so nice things. Then as they began to work together more they became good friends. I just want to make it clear that I don’t think he is cheating with her or anything like that. My issue is, I think she is being a bit disrespectful and so is he. They text each other all the time, send Snapchat pictures to each other, and she calls him at least once every day. Sometime several times a day. He often has her on speaker so I know the chat is innocent. She will literally call just to tell him what she’s eaten for lunch that day. She did this all throughout my pregnancy and when I had just given birth. My partner doesn’t see the issue and just sees her as being friendly and he said it would be rude to tell her to stop as they are good friends. I just feel like a young single female shouldn’t be messaging and calling a married man who has just had a baby all the time. Am I being unreasonable to ask him to tell her to back off a little.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 06/05/2024 10:50

Good for you, for sticking to what's right.

What a silly silly man he is, I hope it all blows up in his face and he is left with nothing.

PrettyPines · 06/05/2024 09:41

So sorry this has happened to you, especially with a small baby. Each new revelation seems to be more hurtful than the last. Good for you for staying strong, I don't think an innocent man would blow up his whole family over a new 'friend'.

DriftingDora · 06/05/2024 09:37

You've absolutely done the right thing, OP. He wanted the situation, he's got it - and he's got to live with it. He's trying to make up a script as he goes along, there's desperate damage limitation going on here from a man who couldn't even be bothered to come to see his own child! His excuses are pathetic and make no sense.

Onwards and upwards - Happier times will come and you deserve to be treated SO much better.💐🌻

Spidery · 05/05/2024 21:01

Well done for standing firm OP.

Original poster

N12251234 · 05/05/2024 15:33

MsDogLady · 03/05/2024 17:13

So I’m not sure why he’s suddenly saying he hasn’t been happy for a while.

@N12251234, he’s changing the narrative to justify his abhorrent behavior. As I said previously, he is ‘that guy’ who has pursued another woman and abandoned his Wife and new baby. Cheaters rewrite history to rationalize and save face.

You can’t believe a word he says about his future with OW. They may have an agenda to be fully together soon, but it’s more convenient right now for him to move back home. I would not allow this, @N12251234. He has shat on you from a great height, and has zero empathy or remorse, so having him back under your roof as ‘friends’ would be soul crushing.

He has checked out, so I would move forward with legal action.

You are right! I feel like he’s trying to turn things around by saying he’s lost the spark between us so he doesn’t look as bad when we explain to friends and family why we are divorcing!

I asked him if this was true, and he’s possibly been unhappy for potentially 2 years, why he’s never spoken to me about it. But more importantly why he was so adamant that we tried for a baby if he didn’t think he wanted to be with me anymore. He couldn’t even give me an answer. He claims our child was made out of love and he is now claiming that he thought having a child would fix his feelings. I don’t believe a word he’s saying. None of it adds up.

Ive held firm and told him he absolutely can not move back in. I don’t trust him, I’ve lost all respect for him, and I know for a fact he’d still be messaging and speaking to this friend still. And I can’t promise that I wouldn’t lose it and do something id regret if she called and he answered whilst I was there.

OP posts:

MsDogLady · 03/05/2024 17:13

So I’m not sure why he’s suddenly saying he hasn’t been happy for a while.

@N12251234, he’s changing the narrative to justify his abhorrent behavior. As I said previously, he is ‘that guy’ who has pursued another woman and abandoned his Wife and new baby. Cheaters rewrite history to rationalize and save face.

You can’t believe a word he says about his future with OW. They may have an agenda to be fully together soon, but it’s more convenient right now for him to move back home. I would not allow this, @N12251234. He has shat on you from a great height, and has zero empathy or remorse, so having him back under your roof as ‘friends’ would be soul crushing.

He has checked out, so I would move forward with legal action.

BigAnne · 03/05/2024 17:01

N12251234 · 01/05/2024 18:46

Up and down tbh! He’s been back a couple of times again to see little one and I’ve told him I want to separate. He doesn’t seem bothered at all and has agreed. Suddenly he’s saying that he doesn’t feel a spark between us anymore anyway and has been feeling this way for a while! (He said possibly even years!) He’s adamant it’s nothing to do with his friend and he’s never going to date her now or in the future. Up until I called him out and asked him to cool it with this friend we were perfectly happy. We’ve got loads of plans coming up this year as a family, holidays and concerts. So I’m not sure why he’s suddenly saying he hasn’t been happy for a while. I’m just so confused and hurt. When baby was a month old we even jokingly were planning baby #2. He wants us to remain friends and even wants to move back in with us until we can sort housing so he can help with our child. I just don’t know what to do or think.

Show quote history

Be strong and stand your ground.

Hatty65 · 03/05/2024 16:49

I would not want him back. It's too easy to let him slide back in because it's easier for him, but the truth is he has badly betrayed both you and his child.

The relationship would be absolutely dead as far as I was concerned and I would be seeing a solicitor about formally filing for divorce. He was given the opportunity to save his marriage and instead chose 'a friend' who he has clearly been seeing, and probably sleeping with behind your back.

You would never, ever trust him again. You don't need him back to 'help' with the child and sorry - but my friends don't shit all over me and treat me like that. I'd be polite, as if to a stranger. He's wrecked the marriage with his behaviour. There's no coming back from that.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 03/05/2024 13:49

He wants to return home, because of all his comfy home comforts.

Stand firm, he has dumped his family for a few shags with this woman and now wants to come crawling back

Allofaflutter · 03/05/2024 12:53

Of course he wants to come back to live. He doesn’t want to pay cm. File for cm now!

PigeonEgg · 03/05/2024 02:24

Sounds like he's missing his home comforts and wants to move back in because it suits him. Sod that, let him go stay with his girlfriend!

He'll soon see the grass isn't greener.

DriftingDora · 01/05/2024 21:41

N12251234 · 01/05/2024 18:46

Up and down tbh! He’s been back a couple of times again to see little one and I’ve told him I want to separate. He doesn’t seem bothered at all and has agreed. Suddenly he’s saying that he doesn’t feel a spark between us anymore anyway and has been feeling this way for a while! (He said possibly even years!) He’s adamant it’s nothing to do with his friend and he’s never going to date her now or in the future. Up until I called him out and asked him to cool it with this friend we were perfectly happy. We’ve got loads of plans coming up this year as a family, holidays and concerts. So I’m not sure why he’s suddenly saying he hasn’t been happy for a while. I’m just so confused and hurt. When baby was a month old we even jokingly were planning baby #2. He wants us to remain friends and even wants to move back in with us until we can sort housing so he can help with our child. I just don’t know what to do or think.

Show quote history

Girlfriend's probably got an idea of his devious behaviour and what he's up to and wants him out - or if he's still staying at her family home then her parents want him gone (perhaps he's not had the 'welcome' mat thrown out for him?).

He's definitely game-playing here, testing the water and seeing how far he can get, OP, in case it's in his best interests to move back in - in which case it'll only be a matter of time before he goes off with someone else (who may also be someone he charmingly describes as 'a bit simple' - who knows?). Definitely trying to leave his options open and a BIG mistake to allow him to do so - this is a man who couldn't put himself out to come and see his own child.

Nice. What a catch he is. I think he deserves two words said to him - the second one being 'off'.

Spidery · 01/05/2024 20:00

He is rewriting history OP.
He is playing mind games with you..
You know how he behaved when you asked him to put your relationship before that of him and his female interest.
You know he prioritised her over you and your baby.
You know he was willing to leave your home and you and your child rather than work on your relationship together.
You know he hardly bothered even asking after your baby, let alone visiting him but had time to go and stay with the OW.
If he is suggesting moving back into your home you can be sure it is for his own ends. For his benefit.
It's really difficult for you but I don't see how you can ever respect or trust him again.
Stay strong.

LadyLindaT · 01/05/2024 18:50

Of course he wants to move back in!

Original poster

N12251234 · 01/05/2024 18:46

MsDogLady · 01/05/2024 18:16

How are you doing, @N12251234?

Up and down tbh! He’s been back a couple of times again to see little one and I’ve told him I want to separate. He doesn’t seem bothered at all and has agreed. Suddenly he’s saying that he doesn’t feel a spark between us anymore anyway and has been feeling this way for a while! (He said possibly even years!) He’s adamant it’s nothing to do with his friend and he’s never going to date her now or in the future. Up until I called him out and asked him to cool it with this friend we were perfectly happy. We’ve got loads of plans coming up this year as a family, holidays and concerts. So I’m not sure why he’s suddenly saying he hasn’t been happy for a while. I’m just so confused and hurt. When baby was a month old we even jokingly were planning baby #2. He wants us to remain friends and even wants to move back in with us until we can sort housing so he can help with our child. I just don’t know what to do or think.

OP posts:

MsDogLady · 01/05/2024 18:16

How are you doing, @N12251234?

Rockschooldropout · 27/04/2024 19:58

Reiterating what others have said .. this man has barely shown interest in his baby since he left yet can find time to visit the friend….. quite frankly the man disgusts me .
OP your life will be so much nicer without this pathetic man child in it

rainbowstardrops · 27/04/2024 11:32

He's barely come to see his own child and yet he's gone to stay with his 'friend'. Tells you everything doesn't it. So sorry for you and your baby

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 26/04/2024 19:37

N12251234 · 25/04/2024 14:14

I’m okay, just trying to get through each day as it comes. He’s still living at his parents and has barely been to visit his child. I have thought about caving a few times I’m not going to lie, as looking after my little one on my own is hard. He’s not a great sleeper so I think that’s just the sleep deprivation talking! But I know I have to be strong and stick
to my guns. I deserve to be respected. He’s made it clear he’s chosen this friendship over his family so I’ve started looking into divorce. I do know from his parents that he’s also been to stay over at her house a couple of times too since he’s been gone. He claims it’s because he needed a break from his dad (they don’t get along great) and she offered him a place to stay as a “friend”. She does still live with her mum and brother but still I feel like he’s taking the ultimate piss now! I just want to be done with him! Even if there isn’t anything romantic between them he’s more than crossed a line!

Show quote history

If he is willing to leave you and the bebe over this and its innocent, he's not your person.

Relationships are about compromise. He isn't interested in compromises, he is a toddler who wants to get his own way snd is prepared to cut his nose off to spite his face.

Your bebe is better off without the influence of this prize bellend

And, the mothers always side with their sons in these situations. That's how he ended up this way.

Rockschooldropout · 26/04/2024 19:29

OP - you are an amazing woman , when my ex h did the same to me 14 years ago and like you I had a young baby .. I’m embarrassed to admit that I pleaded and begged at the time until I came to my senses .. he did the same .. left the family home to stay with a friend .. the friend turned out to be OW

Im remarried now to. a wonderful man ..

Id be seeing a solicitor and serving him divorce papers .. It will be interest to see if the gloss wears off his new “thing” when he’s got a mum and brother in the same house

MsDogLady · 26/04/2024 00:39

So his answer to his marriage hanging by a thread is to go stay with his OW…

@N12251234, he has made his choice and is fiercely holding on to his obsession. He is ‘that guy’ who ditches his Wife and newborn. He wouldn’t be trashing his family for a platonic friendship.

You are one strong woman and I admire your definitive boundaries. At this point I would be serving him with divorce papers.

Spidery · 26/04/2024 00:05

Well he has really shown you what type of person he is and where his priorities lie.
A horrible situation for you OP but your instincts were right and no matter how difficult it is for you at the present you are taking the right course of action.
All best wishes to you and your wee baby.

fashionqueen1183 · 25/04/2024 22:00

Good grief he has no shame does he.

Have his mother or father offered to help you at all? Now you’re doing it all alone due to their son’s behaviour!

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 25/04/2024 18:40

N12251234 · 25/04/2024 14:14

I’m okay, just trying to get through each day as it comes. He’s still living at his parents and has barely been to visit his child. I have thought about caving a few times I’m not going to lie, as looking after my little one on my own is hard. He’s not a great sleeper so I think that’s just the sleep deprivation talking! But I know I have to be strong and stick
to my guns. I deserve to be respected. He’s made it clear he’s chosen this friendship over his family so I’ve started looking into divorce. I do know from his parents that he’s also been to stay over at her house a couple of times too since he’s been gone. He claims it’s because he needed a break from his dad (they don’t get along great) and she offered him a place to stay as a “friend”. She does still live with her mum and brother but still I feel like he’s taking the ultimate piss now! I just want to be done with him! Even if there isn’t anything romantic between them he’s more than crossed a line!

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My god. He is shameless. He’s having an affair in plain sight.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 25/04/2024 16:51

Hmm, yeah it's well known that difficult fathers are particularly challenging OVERNIGHT, so totally legitimate to stay the night elsewhere to escape them.

So sorry he's showing so little concern for your relationship, OP.