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Original poster

Female colleague calling and texting partner all the time

283 replies

N12251234 · 08/04/2024 22:05

So I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married for 3. We have a 3 month old baby together.

Just before we conceived our child my husband got a new female colleague. He works 12 hour shifts with her 2 out of the 4 shifts he does in a week. She is 23 and single. We are both in our early 30’s. To begin with he didn’t really like this girl, called her annoying and some other not so nice things. Then as they began to work together more they became good friends. I just want to make it clear that I don’t think he is cheating with her or anything like that.

My issue is, I think she is being a bit disrespectful and so is he. They text each other all the time, send Snapchat pictures to each other, and she calls him at least once every day. Sometime several times a day. He often has her on speaker so I know the chat is innocent. She will literally call just to tell him what she’s eaten for lunch that day. She did this all throughout my pregnancy and when I had just given birth. My partner doesn’t see the issue and just sees her as being friendly and he said it would be rude to tell her to stop as they are good friends.

I just feel like a young single female shouldn’t be messaging and calling a married man who has just had a baby all the time. Am I being unreasonable to ask him to tell her to back off a little.

OP posts:
Densol · 09/04/2024 00:45

So its ok upsetting you, his wife with his new baby but not ok to upset some silly annoying girl at work?
Give him the ultimatum that this must stop right fucking now !
Id be livid with this OP

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/04/2024 00:44

It’s too much, it’s too intimate - they are too close and it’s too intense.

He needs to pull right back and stop making an absolute twat of himself. I have no doubt she thinks she could snap her fingers and take him from you through her personal allure - but the trouble is, as cringeworthy as it may seem, he is probably getting drawn in.

Talk to him. Tell him it’s making you really uncomfortable and it’s embarrassing and disloyal.

Noseybookworm · 09/04/2024 00:34

N12251234 · 08/04/2024 22:25

I obviously can’t be 100% sure but we are a very open couple. He puts her on speaker when they talk and sometimes she doesn’t know I’m there. And the talk is all innocent. I’ve seen all their messages and he opens Snapchat messages from her in front of me with no issue. She’s constantly telling him about dates that she goes on.

Show quote history

I'd be tempted to say loudly 'Is that your stalker again darling?' next time she's on speakerphone! Seriously, he's maintaining a friendship with a much younger woman, would he be ok if it was you constantly calling and texting a much younger male colleague? 🤔

Letsgocamping67 · 08/04/2024 22:59

They clearly have plenty of time to chat all day anyway so why all the extra effort. I’m sorry this does sound like she is very into him whether it’s reciprocated or not.

converseandjeans · 08/04/2024 22:53

This would be annoying even if it was a male colleague. It's taking up a lot of his time. He needs to wind it down a bit. When I saw the title of the thread I thought it was your colleague messaging her husband instead of working.

Justsomethoughts · 08/04/2024 22:48

I assumed for some reason they were calling each other during the days as they both WFH. The fact they are paramedics so spending their days together and then calling just for chats somehow makes this worse. Agree with PPs- Snapchat has disappearing messages which is why people like it.

FinallyHere · 08/04/2024 22:47

asked if he could just get a new crew mate but he says it’s not that easy to do that.

In any workplace that I have worked, if anyone disclosed that they were being bombarded by unwelcome text messages from a colleague, the matter would be dealt with very fast indeed.

The problem he would have with following that route is that her defence would be that he did not do anything g to discourage her.

For example, anyone wanting to report a stalker are always warned to get definitive evidence that they have shut down any conversation and clearly, unambiguously asked the person to stop the type of contact you are describing between your husband and his colleague.

This is what makes it "not so easy" and why anyone reading this would put the 'blame' squarely with him. All he has to do is say 'this isn't right, please stop' and mean it and it can all get sorted immediately.

The real question is why hasn't he already done exactly that ?

Wakemeupwhenlifestarts · 08/04/2024 22:44

Snapchat disappearing messages.

OP I mean this with all the respect in the world. But take your head out the sand.

AnnetteKurtan · 08/04/2024 22:40

Snapchat messages :/ really Snapchat at his age? And with colleagues?

nope

Original poster
N12251234 · 08/04/2024 22:40

paintingvenice · 08/04/2024 22:29

Well your heading refers to her not him- almost implying it is one sided.

You say a young single female shouldn’t be messaging a married man- nothing about the fact your husband shouldn’t be messaging a junior, single colleague.

You talk as if she is always the one who initiates contact-rather than acknowledging the fact the he will be encouraging her and keeping the conversation going.

You mention her respect for your marriage, before his.

Please be absolutely furious about this. But it should be at him- don’t let him fob you off with stories about it all coming from her- that’s absolute bollocks.

Show quote history

Fair point, you’re completely right. Looking back at my post it does all seem to be aimed at her. Which is weird as I am furious at him and it’s him that his been getting an ear full. So I’m not sure why I’ve written out like that. She does initiate all of the contact but by him answering and reply to her he is encouraging it. Which he shouldn’t be. He just says he’s not being rude by not replying. They are paramedics so they do work closely together so it’s not like he can just bin her off and not be friends with her. I asked if he could just get a new crew mate but he says it’s not that easy to do that.

OP posts:
Universalsnail · 08/04/2024 22:33

I'm am in the camp of it's ok for people to have opposite sex friends but this is too much and I wouldn't be ok with this. This is emotional affair territory. It's not normal to be calling friends every single day like this I would be expecting him to back off from this friendship. It's inappropriate

paintingvenice · 08/04/2024 22:29

N12251234 · 08/04/2024 22:22

I am blaming him mostly. I’m not angry at her. But I don’t think she’s completely innocent either. I wouldn’t dare do what she is doing.

Show quote history

Well your heading refers to her not him- almost implying it is one sided.

You say a young single female shouldn’t be messaging a married man- nothing about the fact your husband shouldn’t be messaging a junior, single colleague.

You talk as if she is always the one who initiates contact-rather than acknowledging the fact the he will be encouraging her and keeping the conversation going.

You mention her respect for your marriage, before his.

Please be absolutely furious about this. But it should be at him- don’t let him fob you off with stories about it all coming from her- that’s absolute bollocks.

MiltonNorthern · 08/04/2024 22:28

N12251234 · 08/04/2024 22:25

I obviously can’t be 100% sure but we are a very open couple. He puts her on speaker when they talk and sometimes she doesn’t know I’m there. And the talk is all innocent. I’ve seen all their messages and he opens Snapchat messages from her in front of me with no issue. She’s constantly telling him about dates that she goes on.

Show quote history

You're being naive. She's telling him about dates to make him jealous or to signal that she's sexually active and available.

Original poster
N12251234 · 08/04/2024 22:25

TeaKitten · 08/04/2024 22:06

What makes you think he isn’t cheating or falling for this woman?

I obviously can’t be 100% sure but we are a very open couple. He puts her on speaker when they talk and sometimes she doesn’t know I’m there. And the talk is all innocent. I’ve seen all their messages and he opens Snapchat messages from her in front of me with no issue. She’s constantly telling him about dates that she goes on.

OP posts:
fashionqueen1183 · 08/04/2024 22:23

Why is he even answering the multiple calls a day?

Original poster
N12251234 · 08/04/2024 22:22

FinallyHere · 08/04/2024 22:17

This. Sorry

Why blame her, rather than him

Show quote history

I am blaming him mostly. I’m not angry at her. But I don’t think she’s completely innocent either. I wouldn’t dare do what she is doing.

OP posts:
Lucy377 · 08/04/2024 22:19

Even your close female friend or his close make friend wouldn't be maintaining such close contact.

She is being very controlling and he is going along with it.

She's constantly checking he's in her control.

It's nearly like a very clingy young adult daughter ringing Dad to ask how to open a tin of beans. Just because she's lonely away from home.

There is a dependency there. Probably on her part.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 08/04/2024 22:19

This would be annoying even if the friend was male

DrunkenElephant · 08/04/2024 22:18

Hiding in plain sight.

FinallyHere · 08/04/2024 22:17

Haydenn · 08/04/2024 22:16

She doesn’t owe you any respect. Your issue is 100% with your husband. Direct you anger at him not at her.

This. Sorry

Why blame her, rather than him

Glass113 · 08/04/2024 22:17

He may not be cheating yet but it takes one after work drink and he will be.

Haydenn · 08/04/2024 22:16

She doesn’t owe you any respect. Your issue is 100% with your husband. Direct you anger at him not at her.

Allofaflutter · 08/04/2024 22:15

He needs to stop. This isn’t ok. They both know it.

Eyesopenwideawake · 08/04/2024 22:15

She wants to be in a relationship with him. He is doing nothing to stop that belief, more - he's prioritising her feelings over your discomfort. What does that tell you?

MiltonNorthern · 08/04/2024 22:13

This is super weird. I would not be ok with this. It's really intrusive. Your partner needs to grow up a bit and stop acting like a goofy teenager with a crush.