Ostracised by group of friends - blaming the Childminder

this. My first thought is that I would not want someone caring for my child to lie to me. Its not my experience that liars only tell one lie. Equally if a friend of mine knew that a lie had been told, I'd want to know about that too.

The Janet says that the childminder is so attuned to her daughter’s need that she even offered and gave the girl a pacifier to add some comfort and take the girl’s mind off the urge to wee.

Maybe Janet was talking about other times when she has seen the CM give her dd her dummy? Did Janet really bring up the CM giving the girl a dummy on the coach?

I explained I was right there and told my version of the story.

I don’t think there was much a story but your choice of words makes me think you have made it into a bit of a ‘story’ where there was none and insist that all happened as you said it did. Maybe you felt a strong loyalty to Janet because she was your first friend in the group and wanted her to believe you and trust you above the CM?

Glad I’m out of the group but surprised too since never had a problem with any of them before.

I think the CM has felt aggrieved at being called a liar and her friends have felt they need to rally around her.

I also think if you’re glad to be out of the group then there may have been other things that have rankled, either for you or for Janet/the others.

Then she should 💯 be regulated and reported.

Exactly.

If it’s trivial then the parent could have ignored it, and presumably judged if it was likely to be accurate. You really don’t have to curate the truth in the way you are describing. It’s totally unnecessary and dishonest.

Because it’s completely trivial? Because she could have misheard/ misunderstood the dummy situation, or been talking about a completely different incident?

Urghhhh it's such an awful dynamic, why can't people just act like grown ups. Blocking on WhatsApp and un friending people is so passive aggressive. If you've got an issue talk to the person about it.

Sounds like Janet has had a word with the CM, who in turn has spoken to the other Mums and had you ostracised. I think you were right to mention it to Janet, and Janet was right to discuss it with her CM. That should have been the end of it, if the CM has an issue she should have taken it up with you and not gossiped about you to her friends.

This is why I'm unsociable and have only 3/4 good friends, just so unnecessary.

People are so weird. Why on earth wouldn’t Op say what she saw? It’s not tattling or gossiping it’s just facts. The mum can do with it what she likes but I’d want to know personally and I would think it utterly bizarre if a friend lied to me about if my child was allowed her dummy or not.

I honestly wouldn’t enjoy hanging out with people who block each other from groups. It’s not how my friends behave.

I would be asking straight out why I was removed from the group. I would also be wondering why the unregistered child minder so blatantly lied to the child's mother . It seems a small and petty lie but a little nevertheless. So if the unregistered child minder can lie about something small? What else could the unregistered child minder lie About ?

If I was Janet, and learned the childminder had lied about the dummy, and then caucused all the women to exclude the truth exposer (if she did), I wouldn't want her looking after my child. It says a lot about her character.

What a silly statement. Mothers are just female human being with children, not some specific subsection of the human race with entirely different characteristics to all others.

Can't understand the harsh posts, op did the right thing.

Because they’re afraid of sticking their head above the parapet.

They’re the ‘mind your own business’ brigade and unreliable when it comes to friendship because they always put their own needs first.

Many people are black and white about fact and fiction. It’s definitely not a failing in my book.

OP, Janet probably doesn’t want to risk losing her childminder (which is understandable given it’s a pain in the arse to find someone reliable), so she’s thrown you under the bus instead.

As can be seen on this thread and countless others, people happily pick a side without having any first hand knowledge of a situation because they’re scared of being ostracised too. That’s their failing.

Honestly, don’t sweat it. You’ll find new friends via work and when your daughter starts school, so carry on doing your own thing.

I think that’s if it’s in the childminders home. In your own house you can have whoever you like and pay them for whatever you like. There was a case a few years ago involving two police women, they were found out and it was said they needed to register as A looked after B’s child in A’s house and vice versa. Had it been the other way round, it’s not an issue.

My flatmates friend used to be a nanny for a couple in their home. She wasn’t registered and they had to sack her because they couldn’t claim the childcare vouchers but that was the only reason.

I imagine these sort of informal arrangements are pretty common.

Honestly, I agree with @TheYearOfSmallThings. It was an entirely trivial thing. It doesn’t require Oscar-winning acting skills to keep your beak out.

@SherbertDips I know nannies arent registered/regulated, but the OP is very clear that the friend is a childminder,not a nanny. ie she cares for the child in her own home.

Looking surprised when you are surprised is not "making a face" and there's no suggestion that OP acted as if it was a big lie.

Except lied over something trivial! seriously what is the point? She didn't give her the dummy she didn't offer the dummy sounds like she is judging the mum for dummy use and has taken it upon herself to wean the child off overstepping a bit but nothing dramatic

😂

You need to learn when people are asking you a leading question or setting you up to get a response.

Janet was fishing and you caught the bait and merrily told your version of events.

Never get caught up in other peoples drama. Nod diplomatically or say you don't recall or remember as you were attending to your own child.

I would have told the truth, too, @springyellowrose .

Because she’s done nothing wrong. 😂

Why are so many posters taking the childminder's side?
I don't have a poker face.

you making a face and then acting as if it was a big lie has blown this out of proportion. It was a trivial thing and you saw a snapshot of a moment.

everyone is being over dramatic about a non-issue. But either way it makes you look bad because you’re either making a big deal about a dummy Or don’t have the chill facts and calling someone a liar