No phone for secondary school

@ICouldBeVioletSky if they can bypass smartphones why couldn't they do the same with a tablet and see/do everything that way?

He isn’t though as not a single one of his friends doesn’t have a smartphone and nearly all of his friends are high achievers too in his close group. Im afraid any 12 year old will be the exception without a smartphone and isolated from what is being arranged/communicating with friends.

The most important thing is to have clear boundaries, for example a set time they can’t use the phone in the evening (we do that to coincide with when homework is done and then its off for the night). It’s like any part of parenting, you have to have rules and boundaries and a child who is denied something completely is usually the child that will rebel at some point.

He certainly could be and there are always exceptions. It’s meant to be worse for girls which I have. There’s lots of literature out there to support my view and I’m happy to get them a dumb phone for meeting friends and calling me.

The smartphone free childhood I spoke about promotes groups adopting this and not giving them one til later so they’re not left out.

The fact that controls can be evaded by some kids is why keeping phones out of bedrooms and checking them often is generally a good idea. You need to be on top of it all, with layers of protection. Blocking porn at the router level helps.

Incidentally my ds first stumbled across porn when searching for something quite innocent on the family desktop computer which lived in the living room. (These days it's blocked at the router as well as on all devices.) Nothing is perfect short of never using any Internet-connected devices at all and making sure your child has no friends who do either.

The issue is someone in the family usually has a smart phone. The cost of a laptop is significantly higher, something families may not be able to justify.

Excellent post @tishtashtoo , people are delusional if they think the parent settings are watertight/ a magic wand and mean their kids get none of the risks of a smartphone. Kids and teens are much more tech savvy and know how to get round them! Eg:

• my friend set her daughter’s phone to go off at 7:30 every day. Her lovely, not rebellious 11 year old got round this by changing her phone time zone to Los Angeles so she could keep using it!
• Another friend found her son switched out the SIM card for a PAYG sim so he could get round the parental controls.

It’s beyond depressing how little people on here seem to know.

Really? Guess my top of the class child must be the exception then?

You could have a phone-free childhood with terrible parents who never do anything with you. Or you can have a phone at 12, have parents that do loads with you, lots of activities, always outside, always with friends and allow you to learn abit of responsibility.

If my child didn’t have a phone at 12, im not sure how he would arrange the meet up with his friends this holiday (which he’s done several times). I imagine a 12 year old without access to a smartphone is missing out on alot with their friends. I wouldn’t want to deliberately isolate my child.

The technology exists and no amount of sticking your head in the sand is going to make it otherwise. You might as well work with it.

As others have said, many schools set homework and communicate with students on apps. Bus tickets, pocket money bank accounts, etc. are all based on apps. Teenagers will feel left out if they are not able to communicate with their friends, share music playlists, photos, memes, whatever. Smart phones are tools for modern life and parents need to be able to guide their children in using these tools.

They really don’t. Not in a school with 3000 pupils.

We’re not going to get one til 14 absolutely earliest. It’s terrible for their development and loads of parents don’t really want to but do because they think everyone is. There’s the aforementioned smartphone free childhood groups whose aim is to encourage us to collectively not get them so they don’t feel left out. Def worth checking this out if you haven’t

Navigation on Google maps, checking bus times which Google maps has live updates for, messaging me if there's a problem with transport or to ask if ge can stay out, stuff like that.
Why should kids be prevented from accessing the useful tools a smartphone can provide.

That's not a problem at all, it just needs to be switched off and kept in their bag for the duration of the school day.

Teachers pass on any such information about extra curricular activities changes when they receive an email or the runner comes round. No need for phones.
The homework app will be checked at home, surely?

Mine did because they needed to go on public transport and incase they needed to ring me with any issues. Many kids have a phone long before secondary these days

One other thing to bear in mind is that the later you provide a phone for them to use, the less natural it might seem to your child for you to be in charge of it, so the more you may feel pushed into handing over not just the phone but a lot more control of it. Starting with a very tightly locked down phone at 11 or 12 lets you ease those restrictions gradually, and lets you gradually teach them how to do various things, including setting up accounts with good privacy and so on. Providing a phone for the first time at 13 or 14 could be much more stressful with much more pushback against any restrictions, because they've become much more independent in that time.

I think YABU to be under the impression that any phone provided for a Y7 has to be an expensive one, it doesn't. Likewise, no smartphone provided has to be given to a child with all its functionality accessible.

When DC2 started Y7 their 'new'smartphone (an iPhone purchased for £30) was locked down so they couldn't access the internet, couldn't download anything without me putting in a password, couldn't share location and had a 30 minute daily limit on it. It also locks down at a particular time each evening. They needed it for accessing their school timetable and the homework app, neither of which were available on paper and teachers weren't saying what the homework would be now that they have to upload it to an app.

That was 4 years ago and DC2 still doesn't have an expensive smartphone but does have more freedom on the phone in terms of being able to access pre-approved websites on the phone etc. One of their closest friends doesn't have WhatsApp and that does mean the others need to be mindful when having group chats because this friend is left out of them. I don't track my DCs' location nor do I expect to be updated as to where they are all the time but aspects of secondary school are hard enough as it is and I want my DC to be able to be in touch with friends, access homework etc. using whatever systems are set up to do so. The smartphones haven't stopped my DC walking to school with friends and chatting, nor have they prevented them from taking part in active, outdoor activities but they have facilitated independence and communication in a time where phone boxes and paper homework diaries are no more.

Poor kids…how will they arrange to socialise with their friends when they are 12, going to Secondary school and friends could live in a number of towns and villages around the school?

Are they going to call their 12 year old friend on the home phone? (Other than people our grandparents age, who has a home phone anymore???). They will miss out on everything so good luck with that rule.

You also need the internet to do all their homework, everything other than reading (which we do every night) is set on apps.

Come back to us in a few years time and let us know how its going.

They all use whats app to communicate with each other and keep in touch. I dont think my Son ever sends texts except to family.

Totally agree - so much of what my Son does on his phone is actually about socialising. Meeting up with friends, taking it out in case of emergencies, chatting with friends etc. My Son would feel very isolated from his friendship group without one.

Im quite happy with my mature, responsible, well behaved year 7 child having a smartphone (and definately wasn’t on autopilot when I bought it).

All of my Son’s friends communicate over the various apps (whats app etc). Everything is arranged over them - going into town etc and its the way they communicate today (I used to have to pick up the home phone and cringe at my parents hearing my conversations with friends).

We also have the tracking app on the phone for emergencies - again I trust my 12 year old and his friends to go out together without being monitored, but its always there for emergencies (if he didn’t arrive home at the time agreed).

I feel sorry for any child not trusted enough by year 7 to have a smartphone.

Home work and communication from teachers is all via app at our school. Also info on changes to schedules for music or extra curricular classes which they may not see if they wait til they get home to log on.

They're always given an exception.
Teachers are shown their photo so we know that they're allowed to have their phones out to check blood sugar.

@gldd because it is run by a private company (hence the cost). The school doesn't care. They don't even know the routes and the info on their website is still about the old bus company.There have been times when the school even forgot to tell the bus company that the kids were finishing early so by the time the bus did make it there, then waited for the other school that uses it (not enough time to do return trip) she ended up getting home at the normal time despite finishing at 12. Tbh the main issue was the lack of communication on all sides (school and bus), otherwise she could've taken the public transport route which is lengthy and more expensive , but she still would've gotten home earlier.It's all fun and games at secondary.

If this is a school bus, why is it not the responsibility of the school to get your daughter there on time? Why is she made to feel anxious when it is the responsibility of the school, not her?

@dolphinette if you make wide blanket statements you can't expect people not to ask for clarification.