No phone for secondary school

I felt the same and didn’t get my son a smart phone until year 9! I feel bad now. I’ve relaxed a bit about it all…. Even a smart phone doesn’t have to be that bad. Was £100 so nothing fancy, data is £7 per month. Absolutely no social media and my younger daughter doesn’t have google or anything either. But she does use it for chatting with friends, listening to music etc and I have restrictions in place like shut down 7.30-7.30. It’s not so bad. I think it makes it harder for them to organise their social life with no phone…. It’s just how it is done now. I even made them sign a contract agreeing to phone rules as was so nervous about it. But actually, it’s ok!

It’s not even that others will deliberately leave them out, op, it’s more that they’ll be out of the loop, will miss things as people won’t think to send a separate message to the one person who needs a text, etc.

I think specific permission for phones used as a medical device would be given though, even though I know people who use a dex and it’s essential.

At my dcs’ secondary school they use them a lot in lessons, all timetables and homework are on the app along with messages about things like cancelled sports practice. They wouldn’t know what was going on without one. I don’t like it but it’s the way it is. Plus all the other dc have one and they swap Snapchat rather than phone numbers. So they’ll be left out socially if they don’t have one.

I don’t love it, but it’s very difficult for dc in secondary without one.

@tishtashtoo I seriously don't think this is realistic at secondary where literally curricula involve a device.

I was involved in a primary school movement and we have been successful.

But my sons secondary school, his gym, his access to the bus etc are all on his phone. I would be encouraging parents to secure primary school as there is a real chance but I do feel at 13 (secondary age Ireland) the phone is their key to so much and i don't see how everything could or even should be rolled back.

Yes they could. In my daughter's school they will provide a tablet to use during the day for school apps if anyone doesn't have a phone, and there's school wifi.
But my daughter's phone is pretty much crucial for her social life, your child will be left out if they don't have a phone for keeping in touch with their friends. Fitting in is a massive big deal for teenagers.
We have parental controls set up on her phone and she isn't allowed to go on it after 9pm (child lock), will not take these controls off until she's 16 and done her GCSEs!

Not at all likely to happen. Unrealistic. Just as people who objected to computers back in the eighties were unrealistic.

There seems to be no compelling argument as to why it needs to be a smartphone in any year, let alone year 7

I can give you one, admittedly very specific, compelling argument @StillCreatingAName. DD2 uses her smartphone to monitor her T1 diabetes – the blood sugar monitor and her insulin pump work using Bluetooth technology to send alerts to her phone when she is too high or too low. For this tech to function, she has to have the phone very near her (ie shut in a teacher's desk drawer at the front of the class would not do) and switched on all the time. HTH

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Repeating this for anyone who missed it! ^

So important we don't just cave and say it's too hard / the genie is out of the bottle / it's down to parents monitoring phones. Tech companies deliberately target children and up till now they've had ZERO consequences. We have been utterly powerless but no more! Collective action supported by governments is the only way. If 28 out of 30 parents in a class say no to a smartphone then the 2 kids with them will be outliers and ergo our kids won't feel left out.

They use apps for their homework and messages from school though. Also there's the social side of it, keeping in touch with friends.
Also safety reasons for getting home - my DD uses a public bus so needs to be able to get in touch if there's a problem and yes the bus has broken down a couple of times and I've had to go and get her (rural area so not a lot of bus options).
You don't need to spend a lot though, we got her a refurbished phone.
But I do think that phones should be on silent in bags during lessons

Thought phones are no longer allowed at schools at any point (as in - no one should take a phone out of their backpack etc)?

🤣🤣🤣

If course you would!! I'd love to know how you get on if you try something like that.

This poster is cautioning that this seems to be the route you are potentially embarking on.

@Tygers can you play an instrument?

You do realise it's not on purpose right? Mostly it's just ease and thoughtlessness.

They will automatically talk more to kids that use the same apps as them,or if they can share pics and memes. They will interact more on a group chat than in 121 conversations. Again, in groupchats if someone says who can go to the park, it's rare kids that can will then message someone else on a completely different app to invite them. Same for making a group chat to discuss plans for a party or sleepover or whatever. Or organising an impromptu online gaming session.

It's a pain for me as a parent ( just did a y7 bday party) , but as an adult I have a different sense of "duty" .

DD has a friend with a brick phone , no judgement from her or us , she's a lovely kid but she is struggling because the majority of their other friends can't be arsed to faff about with messages (she loses signal a lot) and emails to see pics then email back to send a pic and so on. She can also become a bit too much because she's desperate for conversation/socialising so she messages constantly with random long texts about everything and anything that DD doesn't even know how to respond to. She's struggling with her self esteem as I've read the messages.

I don't know if a smart phone would make things better to be honest, very possibly not, but she is struggling and that's not because the other kids are mean or bullies or judgmental. They're just kids.

My sons secondary school uses a homework app and timetable on there too. They also use them in lessons and teachers ask them to visit websites or they play an online game together as a class. Like Maths games

@StillCreatingAName friends will be messaging in groups that's how they communicate and update plans, back n forth settling plans.. Why are you expecting another teen to manage another's social life? If they don't have a phone what are you expecting that teen to do?

Honestly how do you manage your social life? Mine is fully arranged online these days, it allows us to check our calendars and book ourselves in to socialise.

Lots get phones in Y6 as start walking home. At my DD's secondary they have lots of apps for homework and also sometimes use their phones in class. Apart from that they are kept turned off in their bags.

But smartphones done have an age limit. Social media however does

But these are pre-teens and not always the most considerate, they also want an easy life and are navigating relationships. It will hardly be much consolation to your kids if they’ve missed out on social time with their friends if you say “well a real friend would find a way to contact you”.

I don’t know why you wouldn’t just take the east route TBH. Life is hard enough without making it harder on purpose

This is where I think OP could well come a cropper. Many of us are speaking from experience here but she is not budging much.

Of course there are inherent problems, and both parents and teachers will have to deal with crap like kids wearing earbuds in lessons (confiscation I suppose), but pretending that this technology isn't necessary, isn't used and doesn't need to be there is just pointless.

It is making your child's life and your own more difficult. Putting obstacles in the way and cutting off your nose to spite your face.

what?!

Well don’t teach them that then!

Youre an adult you can do what you like because you have a much higher pe reception of responsibility and safety than a child does. Therefore you scrolling for an hour on social media is very different to an 11yo doing itZ

But Kids are still learning responsibility, and it’s up to you to teach them, you are under no obligation to say “you must use yours exactly as I do”

Whg not just actively parent and teach them how to use their phones responsibly? It seems that you want to take the easy (for you) option by denying then the phone, but in doing so make things much harder for the child.

I mean the exact same words could be said, and probably were, for driving and sex. Which now have age limits on them.

How many adults do you know who are capable of using their phones responsibly? Adults with the full complement of impulse control etc. Personally, I spend an hour a day scrolling when I could be outside, playing an instrument, reading a book, cooking and so on. I don’t want that for my 12 year old.