No phone for secondary school

I don't know where you lot live but not having an iPhone 15 as a minimum in secondary school would get very very strange!! Mine had iPhones from year 4/5.

A simple phone or an old parents phone is really useful for basic apps for school and for communicating with friends and making social plans . Also as they spend more time alone at home it’s quick for them to call you if they have an issue and need advice . In year 7 my youngest called me so many times for advice when out with his friends . I second the advice about children without phones ( and their parents) using other people to find their kids ! My son has such a friend and the mother calls him far too much ! It has impacted the friendship . She even asked to track his phone - he put her in her place and he’s only 12!

The world was different. Pay phones existed. Bus timetables were on the walls of shelters (and tended to be less unreliable). Bus drivers expected each passenger to have a handful of change and with all small transactions being cash, change flowed more readily.

We've one past a tipping point and companies favour the quicker and cheaper methods of functioning on the assumption that everyone uses a phone so therefore you can't just carry on as though it's 30 years ago when mobiles were for yuppies, and some Oranges were wittering on about the future being bright and the end of wires.

DS needs a smart phone for the bus.
It is possible that he could pay with change, but he's autistic and dyspraxic, already finds the crowded bus stressful and this is not a good moment for manipulating coins with his fine motor control. If the bus is on time, it's pretty much arriving at the bus stop, so not something he can organise in the queue.

In the storms before Christmas, the bus was diverted due to trees blocking various roads. He was able to get updates from websites and when the bus was sent into labyrnthine housing estates that he's unfamiliar with, google maps was very helpful and we were whatsapping images and screenshots to help the other know what's going on in the 90 minutes it took him to do 3 miles and to help him cope with the stress of lengthy delays and the unpredictable.

As a 40+ who had an analogue childhood, I could manage that on my own without a phone, but the world is new to him, and it's a world that expects mobile phones at our fingertips. It's a disservice not to train young people with these tools as they learn independence in the world. His bag is heavy enough without being loaded up with an A-Z and printouts of bus timetables.

I'm fortunate that he's not motivated by socialising so there's no whatsapp groups to have kicking off. He likes youtube for its access to his interests of Warhammer and geopolitics, and has had (supervised) access to that for years anyway.

I haven't rushed to give mine mobile phones, and the timing naturally came up that my contract released hand sets at Christmas y6. With DS2, that's given us chance to learn ways to manage the social side in a more closed environment where I have more influence than at some point at secondary school.

Bullying can exist without smartphones.

I'm aware of the uses and hazards of young people with phones; I've not rushed to get them as early as possible in the primary years, but they are an essential tool to function independently.
Octogenarian, luddite DM has many issues with her non-phone ownership nd only some of them can be managed by lumping the load on to other people. Simply pretending it's the 1980s and moaning about the world moving on is not an effective life-management strategy.

My friend tried delaying it but they use apps for homework and the bus. Plus everyone socialised on phones - all plans made on WhatsApp and friends son was becoming more isolated because of that. He was also being teased. She caved eventually when he missed another party and cried all weekend. Was a shame, but no other parents felt like she did so she was fighting a losing battle

However did we cope before mobile phones.

My eldest (almost 17) has said that no one he knows uses WhatsApp. Just "old people " (me haha).

My teens do not use FB, Instagram, Twitter, Tik Tok. They are not interested. The eldest however uses Discord to talk all things black metal with other young people.

My DC got phones in year 6 ready for yr 7 as a safe space. I knew all the parents so could highlight concerns. I monitored phone usage.

Yr 7 comes and you dont know friends or parents. I still monitored phone usage by reading messages. No social media. All the rules about not in rooms not at no night. Without a smart phone those WhatsApp groups wouldn't have been accessible so DC miss out.

As for school, it in the bag and not allowed out. My rule and school rule. My DC learnt the rules in yr 6 and 7 so as PP said they are easier to educate.

I have Google family on DC phones so I can see every app they download. They ask permission first. They didn't get Insta etc until 13

I can also see where their own is and have Lofe365 so they can see where I am. DD likes.this as she often comes home and I'm in work so she can see if I'm on my way.

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Haha, my 13yo often leaves for school without his mobile phone and said he doesn't really need it or just forgets. Sorry. We often then rely on his friends to work out where he could be. They are only reliable if they carry them on their person.

Also if he goes out at weekends with friends we have to remind him to take it.

At schools it's expected from S1 to have a mobile phone as they get issued homework on different apps and also I like to track where they are for safety reasons at that age. Cheap android would do. None of us own expensive phones.

My two teens listen to music through their mobile phones in bed at night with their headphones on. They have to have PC/consoles switched off 9pm. Phones have their functions for different things.

Where are you living that schools have ample money to supply ample tech for learning? Here in the UK schools have barely any funds for books, let alone anything more.

We don't do smart phones in our family until nearer the end of secondary school. No regrets.

I'm sorry, but parents who refuse to allow their children a phone at high school are a pain in the arse.
It simply puts the responsibility onto other people. Like when their kid is out with my kid, and they don't know where their kid is or what time they're expected back, or if they need to pass on a message.

The school should supply ample tech for learning. The phone is personal and not required. It should be phones in bags, on silent and only out on breaks in school anyway.
If the kids claim it's for 'needing to communicate with family' then send them in with a brick dumb phone. I might sound old fashioned but in school you do your lessons, not your hobbies. If you want to socialise do it face to face on break.

Mine got a phone when they turned 11 and had to start getting to school by themselves.
Just for emergencies.
I don't know what other schools are like, but smartphones are pretty much needed now seeing as all homework seems to be set on them via apps such as Show My Homework.

They can have WhatsApp without having stuff like FB, Snapchat, Twitter (X) or Tik Tok (I certainly wouldn't have been happy about Tik Tok but thankfully it wasn't around when mine were that age). Then you can just allow the apps that school requires.

Nothing that you do will totally protect them from seeing these things, but you can still control much of what is on your child's phone.

You can start to allow more stuff after a couple of years if you and they are comfortable with it, or see a reason for it. You might find too that many schools update parents a fair bit via social media these days too. My DD's school did begin using Twitter for this, especially if they were on a residential trip. Then all updates would go on the Twitter pages, including from the 10 day South Africa trip that my DD went on. So that's the sort of thing you will also eventually need to consider.

There is a middle ground between not having a phone and having the latest most expensive phone with no restrictions.

mine are 13, 15 and 17 and have all had smart phones since the middle of year 6.

getting them towards the end of primary school meant that they and thier friends could get to grips with texting and all the subtext. Tone of voice is hard to convey via text so all those ‘mistakes’ were done with kids that they had grown up with and not new friends who might misunderstand someone’s message. We and other parents would read the phones at the end of the day and could pick up on inappropriate language etc.

intol they are 16 the phones shut off at bed time so only things that can be used are alarm clock etc

as a family we all have each other on find my iPhone. Not for stalker tracking but does give piece of mind that we can see where each other at if needed or if like DS1 you drop your phone in a field!

no apps can be installed without a message to mine and DH phone and a code entered. Means we can review the apps they want to install and discuss with them the ones we don’t agree with

the phone data accounts and our home WiFi are locked down so inappropriate sites can’t be viewed. Does mean there are some sites that I can’t access that are included for whatever reason.

now I’m not naive enough to believe that the above measures mean my kids are immune to the pressures of social media and the dangers of online. We also talk to them about such things and put trust in them. Unfortunately this is the world we live in and I do believe it is better to equip them with the tools and knowledge to navigate modern life safely than to completely shield them and then let them loose with they turn 18 and have no idea what they are doing whilst others are more savvy.

As has already been said, of course they don't have to have them. They are not a required piece of equipment.

Your child is, however, likely to be at a significant disadvantage without one for all of the reasons already explained. You don't seem to be taking much of it on board though as you are determined to stick to your "no compelling reason" argument. Which does not hold water.

The best compromise is to have a cheap smartphone (it can be a reconditioned one or a hand-me-down) on a cheap contract, with parental controls and which you check reasonably often.

Smart phones are used a lot for work at my DS’s secondary school. Homework app, “MyMaths”, various other apps for different work.