Feel like ballet teacher is judging my parenting

Don't take it personally. It's probably a standard response she sends to parents who get put off after a few lessons, and Russians can sound a bit abrupt. She wouldn't be a very good teacher if she just said 'yeah, whatever, quit, I don't care I've got your money for the term'.

Personally, I like to see out the term if my kids start something, as sometimes they can turn around in the last few weeks. But, it doesn't sound like you were really that keen on your dd doing ballet in the first place?

I’d take her strange response as confirmation I’d done the right thing if I were in your situation.

There's a balance between fun and learning to not give up just because something is hard.

I'd perhaps get her to finish the term if she likes seeing her friends.

My DD was the same and found ballet too disciplined! We completed a year then age 7 she started acrogymnastics which is a combination of dance and gymnastics which she loves! Much more chilled out and her thing!

I "forced" DS1 (13) to do a holiday class with DD yesterday. OMG he sulked and was adamant he would hate it as he was no good at it. I picked them up 3 hours later and he had a smile on his face and asked if he could go again! Sometimes parents know best 🤣🤣

I voted YABU. Simply because, I would have had a deeper conversation to try to understand the issue a bit more. The teacher is right in that sometimes things we enjoy are hard! I would have tried to explain that to my daughter then decided whether to carry the lessons on or not. Lots of good, fun things can be hard in the short term, especially when you first start on them. Perseverance is a useful value.

@YaMuvva

Ahhh some are....

Both my daughters have had ballet classes. The oldest did 3 years. The youngst is on her 5th year.

Alle their teachers have kind, loving and really happy to work with children. If not my girls would leave after one class.

Maybe she is judging you, but she has really overstepped the mark in her reply so you also have every right to judge her! She is providing a service and it is entirely your right not to avail yourself of that service. Suggest leave it a bit and perhaps your DD could start another class with a warmer teacher when she’s a bit older.

It depends really, if you paid for a block and there's any sort of wait list, so she got a spot someone else wanted, then I'd expect her to finish the block. If it's just dropping in, PAYG, then she hasn't made any sort of commitment.

In general, I don't think stopping something because it's hard is a good lesson,but she's only 5 and is still doing something similar and more fun. So it's not a big deal.

My DD has done ballet for 3 years. She has ADHD and has always struggled with the slow pace and control required. Ballet teacher has insisted it will 'be great' for her but I now realise is she thinks she can teach the ADHD out of her, which is impossible so DD actually just learns to mask and this is difficult and stressful and not breeding a love for dance and fitness so I've decided to pull her out this term. She will try something thats a bit more active like street.

As an adult I feel entitled to try out a new hobby and if I don't enjoy it, stop going. I wouldn't force myself to continue doing something I didn't enjoy so why force a child? Actually it's a good lesson to be able to say "actually this activity/hobby/relationship isn't for me" even if it's going to disapoint someone.

I would just respond and say , cheers,thanks. And leave it there.

Oh sorry maybe I was unclear! I was referring to the dance teachers opinion, not yours.

I love ballet, went right through the grades and still take classes however this sort of thing is rife.
Some schools are only interested in the naturally talented pupils and leave the rest just standing at the back. The teacher will not tell you that your child hasn't got much talent and will carry on taking your money and being a little mean until you clock on. My DD was out of there as quick as a flash, despite me dancing there for years once I realised she was being treated poorly due to lack of talent. No child deserves such 'discipline', or being ignored in the name of fun. It is a local dancing school not the Bolshoi Ballet.

I too got a snotty message from the school and requests to pay random fees. I can assure you that the teacher isn't judging your parenting, they are only interested in the best dancers and as you DD isn't one according to this particular teacher I'd find a kinder school or go back to gym.

Ballet teachers are psychotic IME. My DD started ballet aged 3 and for 4 years she excelled, she was always at the front in performances, always got distinction in her exams etc. it she spent a good year begging me to let her quit. She hated it. I made her stick it out because I honestly just thought she couldn’t be arsed getting up so early on a Saturday morning but I could see she wasn’t enjoying it at all so quit when she turned 7. I also think when dancers are older they don’t promote a very healthy lifestyle.

I ended up having to tell her ballet teacher that if she continued to call email and text me insisting DD comes back I would have to call 101 and ask them if this constituted harrasment. It was relentless for weeks and she really guilt tripped me!

I missed that, I’m sorry. Good for you. Your parenting sounds perfect to me.

I did ballet when I was 4. I have distinct memories of hating it and my mother didn’t make me go back after a few lessons. My sister, on the other hand, adored it and carried on for years. Don’t make her do something she doesn’t enjoy.

I agree with this.

Different people hold different opinions on parenting, on discipline, on methods of learning, and many other things.

Ballet is known for discipline, and being strict around what they wear and how they are expected to do their hair, and even what they call the teacher.

It's not for me, so I never took any of my dc there, but there are an awful lot of parents who choose to send their dc to such classes and choose to bring up their children with similar discipline.
Just because it isn't for you, doesn't mean that the teacher is judging your parenting, she is offering her opinion.

I spent some time working with children in Russia in my 20s. It's such a different culture. They made them rehearse gymnastics and dance performances until they were perfect. Much higher standard than we would expect of similar age children in the UK. There was no, "aww, little kids, aren't they cute"; it was all taken extremely seriously. If that's what you want for your five year old, go for it. Surely it's the perfect age to try a range of things and discover what you enjoy?

Yes but I didn’t realise we all had to have the same one as you! The op asked, I gave MY opinion. Just as valid as yours.

That op asked for. Big difference.

If that was the case there would be no mumsnet!! Everyone is expressing an opinion on a child, parent and Russian ballet teacher they don’t know.

Already answered! It’s not her place to express an opinion on the parenting of a child she barely knows!

She sounds too strict for 5 year olds, she shouldn’t have said that, just take no notice.

Definitely let your DD do what she enjoys. The only non negotiable activity for us is swimming lessons.

This is a class you pay for. It’s not school, they should be nice to you at all times. They are providing a service.