Just that really,
as a bit of background we haven’t ever really had the best relationship- she is a classical narcissist and I’m struggling to forgive her for a few significant life events that I think she handled poorly (inc not giving her husband & my late dad a funeral, siding with my ex-husband during our divorce etc) and it makes me angry at myself for not being strong enough to stand up to her.
we’ve got a 1 year old DD whom she has visited a few times. She doesn’t really interact with her much, just declares ‘oh isn’t she big?’ Again and again.
DD is having a little party with a few friends and that’s why she is wanting a visit this time. She has made no secret that she is jealous of DD’s more local grandparents on DPs side.
she lives 300 miles away and will be coming by train. I’ve had variable success in her staying at a hotel during her visits (with a few white lies) but she clearly doesn’t want to stay in a hotel. She cites that she doesn’t like staying in a hotel alone- perceived threats of danger?) She isn’t the worst houseguest but treats my DP like a servant and is a bit messy. I’ve hinted heavily that we’re going through a bit of a sleep regression and I’ve been co-sleeping in the spare room, but she has decided she will sleep on the sofa. I think she wants to think there is a better relationship with me and DD than she has, lots of competition with her friends about daughters/ granddaughters.
i find it so disrespectful but she is very used to getting what she wants….
i think I know the answer but would be grateful for any advice
AIBU-
no- get some courage and request that she stay in a hotel.
yes- she’s your elderly mother she can’t stay on a sofa or a hotel by herself, suck it up for her visits