Neither parent wants to live with their child fulltime what happens?

It is such a shit position for her to be in.

There isn't foster care so lazy ass parents can get time to themselves!

Jeez.

Foster care is for children who are in dire straits, Foster carers aren't a free Nannying service.

@ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees

Mum may be burnt out and resent having do it all on her own but surely there are many other alternatives that could be considered - change of living arrangements, working hours, seeking additional help etc.
Did you even read the post? This is exactly what the mum is trying to do. Change the living arrangements so shit father takes some responsibility

He could, but he us not going to and the one hurting is the child. I would be telling my relative that she needs to get some therapy and try to deal with her resentment. It is harming a child and that child comes first. The dad is an arsenal clearly, but it doesn't make it ok to harm the child.

Poor child. The parents need to give their heads a wobble.

I don’t care who feel hard done by and feels they get less fun, tough. You had a child so bloody well look after them.

Both parents are being repulsive. Poor child stuck in the middle of two grown up idiots.

Newsflash…if you can’t be bothered to care for a child full time…don’t have a child.

So why is she working full-time? Why can’t she go P/T? Presumably she’s getting some maintenance from the father? If her job is making her so exhausted, she’s thinking of offloading her own child, then surely she needs to drop her hours or find a more suitable job?

I feel so sorry for the little boy. Who gives a shit whether his dad is crap or not, or whether he takes him to school? She should be focussed on her child’s needs not her job, or trying to force the father to take on more than he sounds capable of. It’s so desperately sad.

Yes, being a single parent is hard, but fgs it’s her child! I just can’t understand it 😢

Actually @WhatWillHappenToTheDC , it likely doesn’t matter where you live if you are willing to take the child on , he can always move schools and it would be better than the current debacle for him to be with someone who is putting his needs first .

I once knew a family where the adults used to argue about who got up early with their four and six year olds in the morning, one of whom had SEN.

Dad would just refuse point blank to get up, so mum had to do it day after day.

Mum was so angry one day she decided that ‘two can play at that game’ and she didn’t get up either. They both stayed in bed all morning refusing to get up, no matter how much the children cried. The deputy head called round for a welfare check and when the door was eventually opened she found them distressed, still in their pyjamas, one in a dirty nappy, milk all over the kitchen floor, and the dog had done a poo on the sofa.

They were reported to social services, and nobody was cheering and clapping mum for standing up to the patriarchy and taking one for the sisterhood.

Oh apparently its all being a big secret, so when neither parent turns up to collect from school or responds to any call so they end up in Foster care that's how the kid will know.. I mean come on, expecting parents to parent and care?.. how unfair for them!

Is there some sort of foster care where parents can still see DC?

Surely you can’t be serious OP?

Wow. That poor child to have both parents thinking like that. My heart goes out to the child who will bear the effects of this forever.

One very important question:

Does the child know neither parent wants them?

That's absolutely horrific.

A wonderful woman I know was a Nanny and said the children of wealthy parents could really be deeply selfish when it came to the child/ren , and boarding schools and Nannies in the holidays were considered ''normal''

Even on Family holidays Nanny would come along.

When does someone say straight out, loud and upfront, you two people conceived a child, together, and the child is Your responsibility jointly? I get fun sex (1950s born, 1970s teen, had tons of casual encounters) but even then we had reliable contraception. There really is NO Excuse. Having a child is serious. It is, should be, a 20 year commitment, and when neither parent is up for the long haul then the pregnancy should have been ended. IMO.

AFAIK and see, it tends to be women who end up with coping with their (Much loved) children, trying to bring the DC up well with limited paternal support. And it is okay until the young male child hits puberty. At which point that lad needs a (good) dad model. If bio-dad is long gone/reluctant, then big problem. Where does that lad see his mum respected and treated well? How does that young man learn to treat the women in his life pleasantly? To court them, and support them. And ultimately to commit to making a life together?

I don't believe in God or gods or Mohammud or any other religious construction anyone can cobble tother: they are all superstition. How do you make people responsible for their choices: answers on postcards please.

All these posters saying “it’s not fair that dads get a pass on being crap parents” - absolutely 100% agree. It isn’t fair.
BUT, would you be willing to make your child the collateral damage in order to prove this point?
Would you really?

Totally agree. Both parents are being absolutely shitty here. The fact that the child is being failed by a useless father does not in any way make it ok for his mother to put him through this to prove a point.

A friend of mine had to do this. Father refused to pay any maintenance (company direct type scenario) she couldn’t afford to have the children and pay childcare. So dropped them off with dad and refused to have them back until he agreed to pay maintenance.

it worked, but I’m not sure the children ever quite forgave her. But, she didn’t have any option. She would have lost the house and they would have ended up at dad’s anyway.

A lot more than many mothers get!

A whole weekend to herself, rather than just a couple hours every few weeks when the dad feels like it.

Poor child, what on earth is wrong with every other weekend? At least the mother gets a full weekend to herself every other weekend.

This

Yet again another feckless deadbeat father prioritising himself and hurting others in the process.

We are not attacking the mother but she cannot force a relationship between this man and his son even if he is a rubbish Disney dad , forcing him on his dad when he doesn’t want him just means only the child will/ is suffer here , poor wee soul. She is his mum and needs to think of him first and foremost.

courts cant force anyone to see dc more often just doesnt work like that

he souns shit but nothing anyone can do

I'm with mum.
Fuck that Disney Dad shit.
If he wants so little of contact it can also be during work week.
Let him run morning school runs and pick ups, worry about lunch/pe kit/ uniform/crafts etc.

She obviously cannot get normal arrangement with dad so is going via court.
I seriously doubt she would put child in FC but needs court to step in and tell useless ex to step up.
Child will have more fun time during weekends with mum who obviously is far more invested in their life. Not to mention mum can have better career and provide not revolving it around school runs.
Good for her.

Yes, and the courts won’t insist either on a dad having enforced contact.

It’s not fair on kid.

The buck stops with the mother, like it or not.

That’s life, unfortunately.

The child wants to go home with his mother, and she's refusing to take him. She dropped him off under the pretense of collecting him after the holidays and she's lied to him. Because she doesn't want him, she wants more "fun".

Nope.