Neither parent wants to live with their child fulltime what happens?

What??? Being the RP is tough??!! It’s called parenting. Don’t do it if you can’t handle it. Millions of single parents (mostly women) have zero help, and they just get on with it. They don’t just say “I’m done, someone else needs to take over”.

Ugh you can have a point but make it terribly I guess.

I feel mum’s pain but it’s not just the leg work, you need to create a psychologically safe environ too and they’ve both dropped the ball here.

She could approach him for more financial support and get a taxi etc for school runs with that. If he’s literally never done a school run most courts would agree he needs to start or surrender the nights (empowering her to get more via cma if poss)

Fundamentally parents have no rights only responsibilities. If one decides not to fulfil them that simply means they are no longer shared, the other parent doesn’t have the ‘right’ to level up their own free time, which does indeed suck but the alternative means minors are bearing the impact which is even worse.

It’s a damage limitation exercise now unfortunately

Well, I’m not a sociologist, perhaps you are right.
If we agree though that men and women should be equally responsible for their children, I think the question we need to be asking is how we can move towards men being more present and engaged as parents, rather than arguing about whether women have equal right to abandon their kids (a point a few on here seem to be leaning towards).
Let’s be equally great, not equally crap.

What's disgusting people they both are. Neither of them deserve him.
I can only imagine the emotional damage that has been done to the poor little boy in having social involved because both parents want to see him less.

Honestly one of the saddest thing I have ever read on here .

So women have fought for equal rights in all other areas yet are still accountable for absorbing all the fuckery from other the parent who should be 50% responsible?

Fuck that, I don’t condone dumping her son with his father, but the poor woman must be out of her mind. What else is she supposed to do?

This is one of the most judgemental threads I’ve ever read, and sounds like a lot of woman are on here are scared to stand up to the patriarchy - yes the needs of the child are always the priority but if his mother is burnt out, then she needs support and is seeking that in a less than ideal
, but what else is she to do. In an ideal world her ex would recognise that and step up, but hey he’s a man so he can opt out.

The martyrdom on here is breath taking too.

Burning out is not a fucking option!

the mother has relatives - ffs @WhatWillHappenToTheDC there’s no excuse for this

I hope a decent foster family can be found to give that poor kid a stable home where he’s wanted

Shame on the whole family. :(

Why are you putting all the responsibility on the mum??

Dad sounds a lazy arsed Disney dad, of course he wants the easy EOW and 2 nights, but he can't.

He is the father so should take the same amount of responsibility that he gave when making the child - 50%

They absolutely do.

DS's Girlfriend's Dad was a wonderful father figure to him.

Boys really need a good male role model.

It works until adolescence for boys, and then they need a good male role model.

@WhatWillHappenToTheDC IMO The mum is being a bit silly here thinking that going to his Dad's for more time is going to be better for him. The child will be at secondary school soon. It;s going to get harder and harder to live between two houses and go between them during the week.

DS needs to do his maths homework at his Dad's? Oh it's at Mums house or he needs to pack it along with his PE kit, all the books for school, french homework, trainers etc. Then he swaps houses again and has to make sure he's not left it all there. Secondary school will be much easier for him if he's based in one house.

Doesn't look like Dad will step up so mum can help most by providing stable environment;.

@Anxiouslump . But we don't judge men equally harshly. Maybe we should but we judge women much more harshly. Imo this is because we'd be up shit creek without a paddle if women suddenly decided that they were not doing with this shit any longer. It needs to be pegged as something deeply reprehensible and unnatural for women to abandon their children, otherwise we'd be in a right mess.

Essentially, we need to ensure that women remain default. If they don't, we're fucked.

That's what everyone is arguing here (and tbh I don't disagree). The father may be shit or not, but it shouldn't matter because the mother should be there as default parent.

Perhaps instead of laws allowing men to become women there should be laws against men not doing 50/50 childcare. Don’t want 50/50 then pay for a full time nanny or go to jail. Seriously the woman has a point. Why should women bear the brunt of lower paid work and less pension so Rob or Richard can screw around, see their kids once per week and let everyone else pick up the bill?

I'd reassess maintenence payment, minimise contact with useless fucking parent and use the extra money to pay for therapy for the child, they sound very vulnerable.

He’s 10 years old…..

Pair of fucking horrors.

That poor child.

Yes, I did read the post.
No, it's not exactly what she is trying to do.
I'm talking about her living arrangements and working hours etc. Not his - he's useless.

There are many better ways of going about it that what she is doing.

A child so concerned that they told their school, who in turn told social services about it. A child who neither parent wants.

The father sounds pathetic but the mother knows that by now. He is not behaving in the best interests of the child.

The mother's manner of dealing with it is also damaging to the child.

No, we should judge them equally harshly. Both parents were equally shit.

When one parent is crap, the remaining parent has a choice. Do they step up and do the best they can in a shit and unfair situation, or do they think “I should be allowed to be equally selfish” and just leave their child to cope with the fallout?

The fact that women find themselves in this situation more often than men is a different issue really.

She should be focussed on her child’s needs not her job

Presumably, she works to put a roof over her child's head, feed him, keep him warm, clothed, etc etc?

You win single patent bingo hands down. We're benefit scum if we don't work or don't care about our kids if we do.

I think people are judging the mother overly harshly.

She's done way more than 50% of the work for more than 50% of 18 years. She's trying to force the child's father to step up and co-parent fairly - why isn't he the one being torn to shreds? Why is she also feckless?

When there are two parents who are alive, joint 50/50 care should be standard. It's often not, which is unfair for many reasons, but just because fairness is uncommon, why shouldn't this woman try for it?

Maybe this isn't the best way of pushing for 50/50 but honestly, what other avenues does she have? No court is going to force a man to look after his child 50/50 if he refuses. They might get him to pay more, but this isn't about the money.

I feel for the child, of course I do, but also the mum.

I suspect she sent the child to stay with the father over Easter and then having never caught a break in 10 years, suddenly realised how exhausted and burnt out she was. Sometimes we cope with more than we can handle until we stop... then we feel all of it, and we need time to recover.

All these comments just reflect what people really think of women in this society. What people really think of mothers.

You can birth a child. Raise a child. Do all the grunt work, the shitwork, work full time to keep your heads above water, lose your health, your sanity, be there for that child for ten years....

But never slip up. Because, if you ever do, you will be judged so harshly. Be "disgusting", a "piece of shit", no matter what the circumstances.

Dads? They know they're not the same. If they're not reading this thread, I'm sure they'll be hearing the same kind of thing from delightful examples of humanity like the posters on this thread. They know they can bail and the only response will be "Dads? Sheesh, what are you going to do?🤷‍♀️"

And then people wonder why they don't step up. Because they know they can go on their merry way unscathed while idiots like you lot are too busy tearing mum into pieces.

Obviously the father is more of a sperm donor than a real father. He's useless. BUT after dealing with this situation for 8 years, did you mother really think he would just wake up one day and be a decent parent? She knows what he's like, and she has to know that their child will absorb at least something of this situation, even if he doesn't fully grasp it all. I don't think she's acting in her child's best interests. As others have said, he's nearing the age where expensive after-hours care won't be necessary. It's a crappy thing to do to her kid, regardless of how horrible the father is.

''Can a father be forced to see his child?
It is not possible to force a parent to have contact with their child. If there's a court order in place and a parent is not taking up the contact granted to them, even then, it's unlikely that the court will force a parent to have contact.''

UK Law centre advice.

There is nothing that can be done legally or otherwise to make a parent ''step up'' if they don't want to .

No court will enforce it.

If no one wants this poor kid, he will end up in foster care permanently 'I'd guess.

Poor little kid. The mother clearly had a pount, that facther is a feckless amd useless man - how can you have never done a school run in 10 years? But christ, you'd suck it up for you kid wouldnt you?

I'd bring the kid home and then get social services and the school and family to put extreme pressure on the useless father to make him step up more. But you cant use the poor 10y old as a face off pawn.

The reality is that society couldn't function if mothers were allowed to drop the ball in the same way as fathers are.

That's why we need to judge women who let the side down really, really harshly compared to men.