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Original poster

Neither parent wants to live with their child fulltime what happens?

433 replies

WhatWillHappenToTheDC · 08/04/2024 17:21

It’s a relatives child.

The DC is 10. Has lived with the RP, their mother alone since they were 2. Seeing NRP Father for 2 nights EOWend and half the school holidays.

NRP agreed to have DC over Easter Holidays fulltime so RP could have some work done on the house.

RP has now said they do not want DC home and want to trial a switch of residency for awhile or wants to do 50/50 arrangement. NRP also does not want DC fulltime and wants to go back to previous arrangement.

Social Services are involved now due to the arguments and DCs school reporting it, but what will happen if neither parent wants to live with their child full time? Is there some sort of foster care where parents can still see DC?

I can't put myself forward to have the child as I live too far from them. Parents live around 7 miles from each other.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatWillHappenToTheDC · 08/04/2024 17:31

CammyChameleon · 08/04/2024 17:30

Does the mum have other issues going on that are making it hard to cope with being the main carer, such as mental or physical health issues? If so, I could sort of understand as in a nuclear family the other parent would usually step up.

@CammyChameleon Mum has a physical condition and works full time, she feels like she puts DC into childcare more than she sees them, if it was 50/50 she could work on the nights DC is with their dad and then see DC more, so it'd be more fair.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 08/04/2024 17:31

Your relative needs to make whatever changes are needed to ensure that she’s not trying to send a child she purports to love to someone who doesn’t want them.

It might not be easy but there will undoubtedly things that can be done to ease the burden.

RandomMess · 08/04/2024 17:31

Sounds like Mum has finally burnt out.

I hope a compromise can be reached.

Linedbook · 08/04/2024 17:30

What do the parents think will happen?

How did mother become RP in the first place?

Why doesn't father have him more in the original arrangement?

Is the child challenging? Do they need support with that?

CammyChameleon · 08/04/2024 17:30

Does the mum have other issues going on that are making it hard to cope with being the main carer, such as mental or physical health issues? If so, I could sort of understand as in a nuclear family the other parent would usually step up.

lazyarse123 · 08/04/2024 17:30

Neither of them deserve the poor kid. This has made me really angry I hope the child doesn't know that both his parents don't want him.

Original poster
WhatWillHappenToTheDC · 08/04/2024 17:29

HaveSomeIntrospect · 08/04/2024 17:28

Being the RP is so tough, especially if there is no family or friends that can help out. I understand where the mum is coming from but I don’t think she can make the dad take the child more than he wants to.

is she claiming the correct amount of child maintenance, that can make a NRP reevaluate how much they have their child.

@HaveSomeIntrospect Yes correct CM done via Child Maintenance Service

OP posts:
Rickrolypoly · 08/04/2024 17:29

Poor child- some people should be sterilized.

Original poster
WhatWillHappenToTheDC · 08/04/2024 17:29

MrsPS3 · 08/04/2024 17:28

Fair enough if the RP wants a change...but she is not going to abandon her child or put it in foster care if the NRP refuses, is she? That would be crazy

@MrsPS3 I think mum will crack, I am her relative. She loves her DC more than anything in the world but is under a hell of pressure and feels that dad could step up more given he lives so close and due to where they live still technically within the catchment of the DCs school.

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 08/04/2024 17:29

What a horrible situation.

It does definitely highlight the inequality in many parenting situations where the parents are separated though. So many single parents (often mothers) having to either manage alone or with very little support from the other parent....

HaveSomeIntrospect · 08/04/2024 17:28

Being the RP is so tough, especially if there is no family or friends that can help out. I understand where the mum is coming from but I don’t think she can make the dad take the child more than he wants to.

is she claiming the correct amount of child maintenance, that can make a NRP reevaluate how much they have their child.

Createausername1970 · 08/04/2024 17:28

On the face of it, it seems very sad, but are there underlying issues with the child? My nephew was a nightmare for a while, very very rude to his Mum, to the point she dropped nephew off on his dad's door step one evening when he was about 13 and refused to deal with him any more. BIL thought she was overreacting, until nephew pulled a knife on step mum (BILs second wife).

I am not sure what happens if neither parent wants to be the main carer.

MrsPS3 · 08/04/2024 17:28

Fair enough if the RP wants a change...but she is not going to abandon her child or put it in foster care if the NRP refuses, is she? That would be crazy

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 08/04/2024 17:27

Poor little scrap. I remember years ago hearing the headteacher or whatever they call him at Eton saying that just like other schools they also have some parents who really let their children down. His example was a child whose parents both refused to have him for the holidays, so the lad was driven up and down the motorway by each parent in turn while they argued about where he was to go. I don't imagine that's an experience that ever leaves you.

sugarpuffscr · 08/04/2024 17:27

Sockmate123 · 08/04/2024 17:26

What does RP stand?

Resident parent

Original poster
WhatWillHappenToTheDC · 08/04/2024 17:27

Mum has seen the DC every day since they moved in with dad, has taken them to and picked them up from childcare and done the school run today (first day back).

Dad is still not doing any of that stuff.

OP posts:
RemarkablyBrightCreature · 08/04/2024 17:27

Is the child aware? 😢

Bassetlover · 08/04/2024 17:27

Well that's a sure fire way to fuck your kid up.

Merryoldgoat · 08/04/2024 17:27

My son is just 11 so same age as this child and he’s so loved and wanted - this is heartbreaking

AgnesX · 08/04/2024 17:26

Poor child whose parents should be ashamed of themselves.

Sirzy · 08/04/2024 17:26

Poor child. For SS to be involved they must have witnessed quite some arguments too

Sockmate123 · 08/04/2024 17:26

What does RP stand?

dimllaishebiaith · 08/04/2024 17:26

WhatWillHappenToTheDC · 08/04/2024 17:24

@KoolKookaburra Mum thinks there should be more contact between the child and father and feels like she does everything for said child while father gets all the fun so she either wants a switch for awhile or 50/50 so it's more fair.

Dad wants to keep the status qo and stick with previous arrangement of Every Other Weekend for 2 nights.

Show quote history

My guess is that social services will put pressure on for one parent to crack or the other

That poor fucking child though, thats horrific

CyanBird · 08/04/2024 17:25

Poor bloody kid.

Merryoldgoat · 08/04/2024 17:25

This is so sad.

Why would they not want their child?

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