Neither parent wants to live with their child fulltime what happens?

Frankly, this sounds like what happens in lots and lots of situations. The only differenc eis that the RP (usually the mum) doesn't get a say so has to continue to be the primary carer, including financially, while the feckless dad swans off.

She's 100% right that 50/50 would make more sense. But she probably shouldn't hold her breath. And the reality is that as is so often the case, in the interests of the child, the mother will have to compromise.

Is the mum actually burnt out and genuinely unable to cope? Or is she just fed up of doing all of the work?

We know that she's under pressure and may "crack". She has a "physical condition" but we don't know what. She works full time and she doesn't like how much childcare she has to use.

On the other hand, the OP has stated that the "Mum thinks there should be more contact between the child and father and feels like she does everything for said child while father gets all the fun so she either wants a switch for awhile or 50/50 so it's more fair"

So is it that she has had some sort of breakdown and is actually unable to care for the child at present, or is it that she simply doesn't think that the old arrangement was fair and she wants the child's father to step up and pull his weight. Because those are two totally different scenarios in my view.

If it's the first, then the mum clearly needs help. If it's the second, then she is a shitty parent for making her child feel unwanted in order to prove a point to her ex.

The dad is clearly a shitty parent either way.

The poor child is stuck in the middle of it all.

The poor mother, the poor lad.

She's done every bit of the hard work until the child is 11. She just wants the father to step up so she can see her child rather than burning through money on childcare and being exhausted. That seems entirely reasonable.

He's a slacker taking the piss. Happy to leave all the heavy lifting to the child's monther and not accept that she needs things to change, both financially and in terms of energy.

I hope the son isn't aware of any of this, the poor soul.

Why won't dad do 50/50? Really? It's his kid too right?

It's a horrible situation, but it seems to be caused by the father of this DC not bloody stepping up and doing 50/50. Why is it the DM's role to do everything while he gets EOW? It's not bloody fair, yet time and again mothers are expected to suck it up, say nothing, suffer, let their careers suffer, while the DF gets to shirk his responsibility. I the DF is being a real jerk and the DM is probably at breaking point, because you'd have to be bloody desperate to get to this point.

It is fair and I am talking about both parents here actually although I know I quoted the part about the Mom. The OP is not stating that either parent is at "breaking point".. just that neither wants the child to live with the- which is shit.

I know a couple who both feel like this so while their relationship is pretty much dead they’re staying in the same house and seeing other people so neither has to do too much parenting. There’s an involved grandparent who does loads.

I feel really bad for the RP. She is trying to engineer a life which doesn't leave her doing 90% of the work, which I do sympathise with. NRP sounds really shit.

How awful! There's kids in care with parents who are more invested in having them back then these two seem to be about a child they have!

Sounds like mum is struggling - and yes, it’s not the right way to go about it, but this is not a case of two equally feckless parents, is it?

The dad needs a boot up his rear.

So mum is burnt out and trying to make the dad step up?
Having been in that state I really feel for her and on the face of it don’t want to judge.
If she’s having to go to these lengths it’s unlikely that he will do more though, but maybe she needs to find a way to get some more support to manage things better?

Similar thing happened to DH when he was a child.

Mother dropped him off outside of his dad's as dad had refused to pay enough maintenance and refused to up his contact hours. Dad dropped DH back to his mum's. His mum locked the door whilst DH was stuck in the rain on the phone to his dad, to ask for maintenance money.

DH is surprisingly okay with what happened (or so he says). He appreciates that his mum wasn't being treated fairly by his dad and that his dad had a tough time adjusting following the divorce. However, whenever he mentions the story my heart just absolutely breaks for my lovely DH.

Really, your relative and her ex need to buck up their ideas and put their child ahead of petty games.

What a brilliant way to fuck your child up for life.

And then expecting ss to provide some sort of babysitting service

Jesus wept

I don't think that's fair. Parents at breaking point are doing their best. Giving everything they have.

I can understand why RP wants NRP to have DC more but I don't think she's going the right way about it. Having said that I don't know how she could change the status quo without the NRP agreeing to step up. It seems wrong that one parent can refuse to do their share of the parenting. I don't know what the answer is but the child shouldn't suffer.

This is unbelievably sad for that poor child.

I imagine there are plenty of resident parents doing it all of their own who would love more free time to themselves, really appreciate if the other parent stepped up & contributed on a more equal basis but their love for their child and their wish to provide the child a safe, secure, stable and loving home override everything else.

Mum may be burnt out and resent having do it all on her own but surely there are many other alternatives that could be considered - change of living arrangements, working hours, seeking additional help etc. Father is even worse.

There are millions of infertile people who would be amazing parents and then you have ones like this. It's just so unfair.

If he's 10 there won't be childcare costs much longer?

That poor, poor child. Imagine having two shit parents who don't want to live with you.

If the care system wasn't so awful, I would say that the child would be better off without either of the parents but the outcomes for children in care are so bad that this isn't a decent option either.

I honestly can't see this situation having a positive resolution for the child. He will pick up on the fact that neither of his parents want him around. Poor kid.

No she doesnt, if she loved her child more than anything in the world she would not, even for one second, make them feel unloved or unwanted. I get it's hard with kids, it's full on and bloody tiring but you dont just throw away your kids like this. Horrible

Father might find 50/50 more attractive though?

This is so sad, poor child 😥

The adults need to grow up and sort out their differences. I can't believe they have let it get this far

Do they both realise the effect 50/50 will have? That could focus the minds!

What is it she wants to do in her child-free time? It's very difficult to see her as loving her child more than anything in the world. Is it a financial thing? Behavioural? Is it that she just wants more of a social life?

I feel sorry for the child. I get it's hard.. I was completely alone when I had my son, his dad has never even met him let alone take him every other weekend.. had to do it all and so does the mum in this setup. It's not fair but neither is making a child feel unloved and unwanted.