Neither parent wants to live with their child fulltime what happens?

I was going to say I'm guessing the mum's at the end of her tether and is desperately trying to get the dad to step up

Sympathies to the DM, but stop
it. Shame on DF.

SS are brilliant, but they can and do get the police to prosecute for child neglect. In no universe will they allow the care system
to be used as a free holiday club.

The parents’ options are public school, other family members as special guardians or 12-hr nanny.

It might not be easy but there will undoubtedly things that can be done to ease the burden.
I'm all ears.
I'm not in the situation the OP's relative is in as my DC would end up in care over my literal dead body but what practical help is out there? There's no short-term respite even for those with ND kiddies.
If you're on your own with childless neighbours, no family and no partner, who's going to ease the burden?

I think there is a chunk you haven’t been told. A child saying they want to see dad more is very very unlikely to trigger any sort of referal. A school may make a note of it but nothing more is likely

No. You can’t just palm your child off to social services and foster parents with no real, valid reason. Not fancying it anymore isn’t going to cut it and if they neglected him they’d be prosecuted. What’s going on? Is RP hugely struggling?

The school involved Social Services because the child said that he wanted to go home but see dad more?

Are you sure that this is all there is to it?

Seems odd that school would contact Social Services or that Social Services would get involved simply because the child has expressed a preference for a slightly different contact arrangement. I thought that Social Services were desperately overstretched!

I'm betting that there was more to it than this, personally. Or else there were already safeguarding concerns in relation to this child and he was already on SS radar.

If the mum wants the contact arrangement to change, then the way to do that is surely to go to court, not effectively abandoning her child with the other parent? Ultimately if the child can't live with either parent, they will go into foster care, but I really can't imagine a parent who would allow that to happen.

The dad sounds rubbish, but I think the mum just needs to accept that and accept that very soon less childcare will be needed which will at least make things easier on her end?

What does the child want? Its not about the adults.

Unfortunately this isn't uncommon. Wealthy families send their kids to boarding school at this point, I know a lad who was packed off at age 8 because neither parent really wanted him (nanny until then) are their grandparents who could take long term custody?

Yes its shit she doesn't have the support she needs and has probably already reached burnout stage BUT no way would I force someone who doesn't want the child , to have the child even if it's their dad.

She needs to stop using the child to try to make the father change..this is what she is doing. Its cruel.
Look after your child or dont.

This is so sad.

Seems a bit daft surely a 10 year old is on the verge of not needing childcare. Suggest wait a year and put him in state boarding school for secondary. Then he will be off their hands and they can both do eow or leave him there all term.

"RP" stands for Resident Parent (child lives mainly with this parent)

"NRP" stands for none resident Parent

Two wrongs don’t make a right and as desperate as the mother may be the message she is sending to the child is still one of being an inconvenience.

tjey need to find a better way to resolve things which doesn’t have such a knock on for the child

Poor child. No court can force a parent to have the child with them if they don't want to so it's just a matter of who cracks first unless they are both going to be such arseholes that the child gets taken into care. Given that none of us can see into the future, don't have a child you're not prepared to look after.

If she's doing the drop offs when kiddo's at Dad's she should stop that. That will give her more of a break. Even if the kid is in childcare a lot, it's still better than feeling not wanted at moms home. If possible, lowering standards is better than giving up all together.

Dad is an arsehole

But gosh I feel so terrible for the child 11 is a hideous age to feel unwanted.

Mum is going to break because that's what you do when you love your child so nothing will change barring child feeling less wanted. What a mess.

As a society we need to make absentee parenting unacceptable.

My god that poor child. If that were my relatives child I would take them no matter what, and love them as hard as I could.

That child's parents should be utterly ashamed of themselves. None of the reasons you have tried to give for the mother and father are justified.

They should both be sterilised.

The OP has said that the DC's school has involved Social Services "because of the arguments" so I'm guessing that the child is well aware that he is unwanted by either parent.

Unbelievable that you can say "good for the mum". Of course it isn't fair that the child has a shitty father and that she has ended up doing all of the work, but that isn't the child's fault, and it is despicable to make your own child feel so unloved and unwanted.

And frankly, even if the child is blissfully unaware of what is happening between his parents, what kind of mother wants to pack her child off for half of the week to a man who clearly doesn't love or want him?

If you aren't prepared to parent alone, then you shouldn't have children as far as I'm concerned. It isn't fair to bring them into the world unless you're willing to step up...regardless of how "unfair" the situation might be, you owe it to the child to put their needs first.

This. People on this thread are being so unfair to mum. Drawing an equivalence between the two parents, calling them both shit and shameworthy, is beyond wrong and unjust. Mum just wants (needs!) some help from dad so she can spend more and better quality time with her son.

This is so sad. That pair of twats don't deserve to be parents.

I've been exposed to quite a bit it this in my job. It's common for parents to move on and just not feel as attached to the it child esp with new partners and children on the scene.

This isn’t about the mum not loving her child, it’s about the father not doing his share. Why should he have so much time to himself? Children are hard work! Even your own children who you love dearly. Good for this lady for making a stand. I’m assuming this doesn’t have to be discussed in front of the child.

Poor child. Mum needs to take the child back. This isn’t the way to work out custody arrangements. Think how bloody unloved the child must feel. I get the point she is trying to make but what a disgusting way to do it. Hopefully the child has no idea what’s going on but realistically they will do.

RP has completely gone about this the wrong way. Bringing social services into it to get her own way when NRP won’t change arrangements. That poor kid. How fucked up is she?

Surely over the past 8 years she could have made changes, 10 year old will be in secondary school v soon and independent. Allowing her to work more hours.