To tell my mum she needs to tell me the full story or my cousin will be my MOH

Your mum is absolutely awful - do not give her any of your inheritance. Your aunt gave it to you and your cousins for a reason, she probably realised your grabby mother had assumed she’d be getting it.

Have whoever you like as bridesmaids too.

Your mother is behaving like a spoiled brat. Don't pander to her.

Hmm interesting - what is your relationship with you mum like otherwise? Is she generally a fair and reasonably person? Is it only if your cousin is MOH that your mum objects, is she fine with them being invited? I would have thought she wouldn't want cousin/aunt there at all based on what you have written. By the time you are inviting them, I don't see how it matters if cousin is MOH. Maybe she is just venting and will come round to the idea once she has calmed down?

Your mum is behaving appalingly. Dont give her your inheritance. They have a home, they are fine, why should they get to live their retirement fritering that money away when you can use it to make yours and any future children's lives easier. Honestly I think it's pretty disgraceful she'd begrudge you, her actual child, an easier start in life. I hat when parents resent their children for doing well.

Your aunt wanted to help the younger generation, not have her money pissed away by her sisters. If her other sister did bring this up and encourage it then she did right, it was a good decision.

Your mum is going to refuse to go to her daughters wedding over who the MOH is? That really says it all doesn't it. "Honeslty mum, if money is more important to you than going to your own daughter wedding that's your decision."

@Asioella @ShortLivedComment your mum was probably always asking for loans (gifts) for this that and the next thing! your aunt most likely knew that you would not get much from your own parents so this is what she did. at least she made sure that you all got, unlike my mother who made sure that of three daughters, only one daughter got any inheritance when mum died, meaning the whole house right down to the last tin of beans in the cupboard!! your mum was likely entitled and grabby her whole life and i can assure she that she would have been jealous of her other two sisters who were more affluent than her!! @ShortLivedComment I know how you feel!!

Even if you give way to your mother on the MoH choice is she going to be happy that your cousin is a bridesmaid or if you want to invite your aunt to the wedding? Are you happy that she will dictate your wedding guest list in this way? Your aunt who died had a choice how to leave her inheritance and obviously decided that a third to each niece/nephew was what they wanted, rather than half to each sister. This might have resulted in 50% to you and 25% to each of your cousins. Perhaps your cousin's mother pointed that out, perhaps your aunt worked it out for herself. It is a shame your mother is not acknowledging the very generous thing her sister did for you and being grateful for that.

The only reply that would have gotten from me would have been an "OK, I'll not bother sending you an invite then?"

I can't stand people who try and blackmail me like that.

I'd want more infomation because in nosy BUT if your mother genuinely wouldn't come if that side if the familys there (& you love you mum)
I'd just ask my best friend instead

@ShortLivedComment Exactly. Even if something did happen between the sisters, it’s nothing to do with the cousin/the OP.

We have some financial resentments among the older members of our family. But it’s nothing to do with my generation, what’s done is done.

Giving her money won’t make her happy op, her attitude will prevent it. Have your cousin as MOH and more fool her if she doesn’t want to come to her daughter’s wedding. And don’t bother giving her money, she will be ungrateful and bitter regardless.

Your aunt's money is none of your mother's business, and she should be happy that her sister has ensured that you will have a solid foundation and safety net for the future.

I would not put up with any sort of blackmail from anybody OP, and your mother is emotionally blackmailing you on two points: firstly, so you give up a part of your inheritance, and secondly, so you destroy your nice and supportive relationship with the rest of your family. I would refuse to be drawn into either.

You do not have to take on your mother's grievances or her feuds: they are hers to deal with, and the fact that she would even entertain accepting her child's inheritance tells me she does not have your best interests at heart.

Keep your inheritance and keep your relationships with the rest of your family. Invite your mother to your wedding, and her decision to attend or not is hers to make.

This is very sad. You should have your cousin as MoH without being swayed by your mom and make it clear that you want her at the wedding but if she chooses not to come that’s her prerogative. Please don’t give into emotional blackmail. Congratulations on all the cash your upcoming wedding.

Which is also odd because inheritance usually filters down, not across.

Your DM is being ridiculous.

It's your wedding, you choose who you want to be your MOH.

My parents don't have much left on their mortgage and I've told them once I've bought somewhere I'll give them as much as I can from my inheritance.

Don't do this.

You shouldn’t be giving your mum any inheritance, it was left to you in good will and there’s a reason your aunt wanted the younger generation to benefit over her sisters.

People make all kinds of choices in life; what job they have, who they may married, if they have children and how they deal with money. Just because your mum made different choices to her sisters and ended up worse off financially compared to them doesn’t mean that’s anything to do with you or your cousins. It’s not for your mum to pass on her bitterness about her choices and relationships onto you.

Where is the line drawn, will she not come if your aunt and cousin attend, will she not meet any future grandchildren if they’ve met that side of the family, will she stop speaking to you if you inherit money from a partner, or get a well paid job? People who deal in ultimatums are generally best left to their threats and you live your life how YOU are happiest.

You shouldn’t be giving your mum any inheritance, it was left to you in good will and there’s a reason your aunt wanted the younger generation to benefit over her sisters.

People make all kinds of choices in life; what job they have, who they may married, if they have children and how they deal with money. Just because your mum made different choices to her sisters and ended up worse off financially compared to them doesn’t mean that’s anything to do with you or your cousins. It’s not for your mum to pass on her bitterness about her choices and relationships onto you.

Where is the line drawn, will she not come if your aunt and cousin attend, will she not meet any future grandchildren if they’ve met that side of the family, will she stop speaking to you if you inherit money from a partner, or get a well paid job? People who deal in ultimatums are generally best left to their threats and you live your life how YOU are happiest.

she thinks you should have received half and your cousins a quarter each?

The OP's post suggests that the OP's mum thinks her sister's money should have gone 50-50 to her (the OP's mum) and the OP's mum and the OP's mum's other sister. She's annoyed because it all went to the OP and her cousin.

You shouldn’t be giving your mum any inheritance, it was left to you in good will and there’s a reason your aunt wanted the younger generation to benefit over her sisters.

People make all kinds of choices in life; what job they have, who they may married, if they have children and how they deal with money. Just because your mum made different choices to her sisters and ended up worse off financially compared to them doesn’t mean that’s anything to do with you or your cousins. It’s not for your mum to pass on her bitterness about her choices and relationships onto you.

Where is the line drawn, will she not come if your aunt and cousin attend, will she not meet any future grandchildren if they’ve met that side of the family, will she stop speaking to you if you inherit money from a partner, or get a well paid job? People who deal in ultimatums are generally best left to their threats and you live your life how YOU are happiest.

Honestly, there is no more info that you need! It doesn't matter if/why Aunt1 persuaded Aunt2 to leave her money to you and your cousin, because that wouldn't be any fault of your cousin.

Trying to say you can't have someone as your bridesmaid because your mum's fallen out with their mum is batshit and your mum is being awful about this.

It's very, very obvious that your mother is extremely bitter and resentful about the fact that she didn't get her hands on her sister's money, and that it went to you and your cousin instead. Threatening not to come to your wedding is vile and manipulative, and her assumption that she would get a big fat inheritance when her sister died was greedy and entitled of her.

I suspect that these character traits were the reason behind your aunt's decision to leave her money to you and your cousin instead of our mother, to be honest.

I'm also astonished that your mother is so bitter about a decision that massively benefited you, her own child. My mum's on pension credit, but if a relative left me half a million quid in their will or something, my mum would be absolutely delighted!

Maybe your Mum is correct that the deceased sister was manipulated by your cousins mother to ensure more of the estate was left to her family than to the OPs family. That type of shite happens all the time (and is happening in my Husbands family right now!) However the OPs Mum is being very unreasonable to bring her argument into her daughter's wedding. Thats not fair.

From what you’ve said, your mum sounds very entitled and grabby.

so your mum thinks her sister bullied her other sister re the will, and now because your mum got nothing - she wants to punish you and your cousin !!!

does your mum not remember her sister didn't get anything ?

please make sure there is no money left over after buying and furnishing your house and after paying all the costs associated with buying a house, she doesn't deserve it

and your aunt whose money it was didn't want her to have it !!!

That's really odd. An aunt left her money equally to you and your two cousins, and instead of being happy that you got a third (instead of the whole lot going to a cat charity) she thinks you should have received half and your cousins a quarter each? That's bonkers. Don't you dare let your mother bully you into not having your cousin as moh, and don't you dare give your mother some of your inheritance!

Your mum hasn't expanded because she knows it makes her sounds petty and grabby. She's bitter because the two cousins each got a share and she sees that as unfair as she only had one child. Totally pathetic, especially as you are not bitter.

Most parents would feel a sense of relief if a stroke of luck meant their kids were set up.

Have your cousin as MOH, she will have done nothing wrong (even if aunt did, which I doubt). Have a lovely wedding.