To tell my mum she needs to tell me the full story or my cousin will be my MOH

It doesn't matter what your mum thinks went on between your two aunts. You love your cousin and want her to be MOH. Job done.

My mother was a bit like this when l was getting married. Everything we chose (church/reception venue/evening venue), she had a problem with. For no sensible reason that we could see.

She actually said "Well l might not be there. I might not be well," when the penny dropped that we were doing it our way (we were paying for our wedding, besides the daytime meal) and we weren't going to pander to her.
My husband to be played a blinder. He said "Ah, that's a shame. But you'll see the photos after."
We did it our way, and she was there.
It's your wedding, OP. You do it your way. I hope you have a wonderful day x

This is like a combination of two past threads. The one where the only child who spent time with her aunt inherited £1m and even after giving some to her parents and siblings they were still pisses off.
And
The one where the bride wanted her cousins children to be flower girls rather than her HTB nieces.

If your mother is really going to be that bloody stubborn then sod her. She should be happy for you and nothing else.

your mother seems bitter and jealous of you. have your cousin as your MOH and if your mother doesn't like it tell her don't bother coming.

Presumably that was the aunts choice. I am not sure how she thought the sister manipulated her but I would not be blackmailed. If you get on well with your cousin and presumably your aunt then I would not let your DMs jealousy and entitledness affect your decision as to who is MOH, I also would not give her a penny. If her sister wanted her to get half her estate she would have put it in her will.

I’ve just completed a will and it all goes to my toddler daughter. It’s stipulated that should anything happen to her(touch wood) it goes to my niece and nephew equally. Why would I give it to my brother?

Your mother is an awful person and you would be a fool to “gift” your inheritance back to her.
like…. Absolutely stupid. from a tax POV it’s nuts

Trying to say you can't have someone as your bridesmaid because your mum's fallen out with their mum is batshit and your mum is being awful about this.

This is all you need to think about, to be honest. Forget the inheritance issues.

Surely, given that you are getting married, you are an adult, so please behave like one rather than stropping like a toddler to get something.

I don't think your Mum telling you anymore about what she thinks might, or might not have happened is important.

It is your wedding. Choose whoever you want to support you on the day.
Do not give in to your Mum's emotional blackmail. Just repeat, to her that if she chooses not to come, that would be her choice.

Even if she had a reasonable point about an inheritance argument (which I don't think she has, in my own personal opinion - very normal / sensible / expected that your Aunt and Uncle's money would go to the next generation of their family) - your Mum has no right whatsoever to bring that into your wedding planning. Do not give her any hint that you would even consider basing any decisions on her sulking.

It sounds like your mother is resentful that her sisters 'side' got twice as much as her 'side' because of the number of children each of them had.

Something similar happened in my family over something much more trivial. My grandma died and my mother found some of her art work (she was talented) and gifted pieces of it to all the grandchildren. My aunt threw an enormous tantrum that nearly tore the family apart because she saw it as my mother gifting more of grandmas stuff to her own children (there were more of us) then aunts side of the family.

Naturally in the rants that followed all manner of childhood issues were mentioned as example of proof of lifelong selfishness and deliberate meaness from them being literally small children. These things flow very deep, mum and aunt were in their 60s at the time. Mum was so upset and baffled. There's not a mean bone in her body.

Your Aunt probably by-passed your "D"M because she didn't anticipate dying at such a young age. I presume the siblings are a similar age?
My will doesn't go to family, but mostly to children of my best friends - my friends are the same age as me and similarly affluent - why would they need it?

Your "D"M needs to grow up - in your position I'd go either very low contact or no contact - and if she tries to use not getting her own way as a bargaining tool again, just reply that it's fine, she can consider herself uninvited.

btw however much you give your mother it will never be enough ! you may have a lifetime of her comments re your house and how much it was etc etc etc

YANBU, your mum is being crazy. It’s sad how inheritance can do this to people.

I agree. Seems like your aunt had the measure of her.

Your mum sounds very bitter and seems to be playing some emotional blackmail game.

I certainly wouldn't be giving her any of the inheritance money and if you want your cousin as MOH then ask her. If your mum refuses to come to your wedding then that's her choice to cut off her nose to spite her face.

I'd speak to your cousin to see if they know what happened and why her mum and your mum are not speaking.

It's probably something to do with your aunt being in agreement that the money should be split between you and your two cousins (as per your other aunt's wishes) and your mum thinks her and her sister should have had a 50/50 split.

(As if it was a 50/50 split, you would then have inherited a bigger share eventually so perhaps your mum felt it was unfair that her sister's family got 66% and her family got 33%??)

I was once told when money comes in decency goes out the window It was your aunts decision to whom should inherit so therefore it's yours to keep and not your mums. I wouldn't give her anything and it's your wedding and you decide who is your MOH

Well your mum sounds a bit unhinged

Play stupid games. Win stupid prizes.

Your mum is the one throwing out ultimatums. I'd be inclined to tell her that it's her choice and you won't be blackmailed. If she wants money to ruin her relationship with her sister that's on her dont let it filter through the family.

Simply say yo your mum "
"you are invited to my wedding, if you decide not to come for
Whatever reason then thats a shame but I won't be changing any of my plans"

Yep, don't give your DM money as you might well end up paying tax on it twice (well, the estates will have done). One of the reasons I might skip a generation is IHT, it was sound planning by your aunt, I think.

Cousin as MOH. And keep your inheritance.

Don't reward your mother for behaving despicably.

Your aunt left your money to you (and your cousins). She did not leave it to your mother - presumably she had her reasons. Why are you giving up part of your inheritance to your mother. That money is security for you - it could pay in time for future children's education costs or urgent medical care or whatever. Remember your aunt knew very well what your mother was like.

Is she allowing your Aunt to come to the wedding?

If I had been a child free Aunt who funded my nieces education would be logical to leave them my estate. Leaving more than a token amount to my sister's would never cross my mind.

Essentially your mum wanted 50% to go to you and 50% to be shared between your other 2 cousins so they got 25% each? I find that unfair, this is an even split between you all. Your mother sounds grabby and deranged frankly, and as such I wouldn’t give her a cent. Your aunt meant for you to have the money so make the most of it yourself. Maybe shout your parents a nice vacation for a special anniversary or something if anything?