In laws and baby's first steps

You’ve exactly illustrated my concern. You’ve decided an important developmental milestone is not important to report. There should be no room for subjective honesty in professional childcare situations. It is unprofessional and destroys trust.

I worked in childcare for many years. Countless children took their first steps/crawl/first tooth broke through/first words in front of me. I always kept quiet and when the parents announced on a Monday “wow you’ll never guess what, he started crawling over the weekend” and I would join in their joy and say that’s amazing….. whilst choosing to keep my mouth closed about the fact I saw him do it on Thursday and Friday last week. You never take those first milestones away from the parents
What about if I'd been one of your parents who specifically requested not to be lied to and to be told about any of these things happening? Would you have done so? I'd have been so embarrassed if I'd found out I was being treated like that.

Its certainly not good for the childs muscular developmnet if they push them to walk before they can do it by themselves.

I worked in childcare for many years. Countless children took their first steps/crawl/first tooth broke through/first words in front of me. I always kept quiet and when the parents announced on a Monday “wow you’ll never guess what, he started crawling over the weekend” and I would join in their joy and say that’s amazing….. whilst choosing to keep my mouth closed about the fact I saw him do it on Thursday and Friday last week. You never take those first milestones away from the parents.

They were dickheads to announce he took his first steps while you were out the room. They weren’t inappropriate to set up a situation where he could practice between them, ideally when you were in the room. but definitely when you walked back in the room they should have said “hey quick come join in, let’s see if he can have a go at walking, I think he’s close to doing it.”

DGD took her first few steps when I was babysitting. I never let on. Some things should be precious memories for the parents.

I guess it also depends on what the definition of first steps are. If the gap between MIL and FIL was very small when they did the encouraging to walk, was it more the momentum of one of them pushing the baby between them, rather than actual independent steps.

DS before he was walking stood up and wobbled and technically moved feet and we got excited that he had done his first steps. But then he reverted back to crawling and didn’t do any more ‘walking’ until the day he walked confidently over to his key worker in nursery.

I am sure nursery would eventually say something to parents if a child in their care was confidently striding around the nursery and the parents hadn’t said anything about first steps, after nursery had hinted that steps were imminent. The assumption would be that baby would do steps that evening or the next day at home and parents would come in saying they had walked.

Not telling parents their little one had taken a few wobbly steps is not the same as a nursery not telling a parent that their child had an allergic to something for the first time, other health concerns or safeguarding concerns

If nothing else it's a massive safeguarding flag. Imagine less experienced staff working in a culture of "oh some things we don't mention because it might upset the parents" etc. It just cultivates a toxic environment. Now most in childcare won't ever commit crimes etc but there is abuse that does rarely happen in these settings. It is insane that this is being chatted about as normal on here. Even red flags about a child being abused at home would be missed because "don't upset them" Yes maybe relatives stretching the truth but professional childcarers........jeez!!!

as many posters have said nurseries will give a big hint that first steps are imminent so parents know to look out for it.
And people don't find that massively patronising? The whole "wink wink widget nudge your child did actually walk but we're not saying that but if you read between the lines she actually did but you aren't adult enough to cope with that so we'll play a weird game"

Just bizarre.

~@crumblingschools it's not acceptable to lie by omission where young children are concerned and when professional bodies are involved eg childcare. It's not ok for reporting to be subjective as judged to be kind or whatever the motivation. Where young children (all children) are concerned there must always be accurate reporting otherwise there is no trust. So shocked this is not an obvious given!

Where I work we don't tell parents if their child starts walking as for a lot of parents it's an important step.
I really doubt he walked in that period of time. Think they're just being dicks.

If I was a mother in law or grandparent or ‘older.’ I would only visit when asked, only speak when specifically addressed and even then I’d confine my conversation to compliments or comments that validate and reassure my in laws.

To save my in laws the burden of dealing with my ‘estate’ I would leave everything to a charity that exists to promote resilience and tolerance.

@UnNiddeRides do you think the OP had done nothing to encourage their toddler to walk, and it was only because of what the GPs did that gave him that sudden knowledge how to do it.

My MIL would do this. Tried it with every first. Even took DS for his first drive without a car seat without telling us (wasn't happy about the no car seat).

She didn't really get the firsts, though. They were forced & or imagined. MIL & FIL had form for boundary overstepping & nastiness. It never crossed their minds that was supposed to be our joy. She just wanted it all & to gloat openly to me. I used to say 'oh, no! They've done that plenty of times!' Then remembered to stay LC.

@Oaktree55 as many posters have said nurseries will give a big hint that first steps are imminent so parents know to look out for it. And parents would be telling nursery if DC has taken their first steps.

DS took his first steps at nursery, luckily we were there to see it, as we were dropping him off, and he normally crawled over to his key worker, and that day he got up off the floor and just walked over to her!

Course he was 😂 so he’s prone to lying, and you didn’t witness baby walking? I’d be inclined to believe it didn’t happen anyway!
If it did, it’s just such a wanky move to boast to you that the first steps happened without you there. I was babysitting my niece when she was wee and she took her first steps with me, while her mum wasn’t there. I had a sudden bout of short term memory loss, meaning I just clean forgot anything had happened at all when her mum picked her up. They saw her real first steps a day or two later and were over the moon. It’s just the kind thing to do!

Actually totally shocked by the lies. A nursery would not report this??!!! Really when they are supposed to report every little detail (they don't it's made up half the time) but seriously you are all applauding lying by omission re developmental milestones.........ok

🤣🤣🤣 I think she is my mother in law I described

No. Almost all babies who go to nursery will take their first steps there since it’s when they are most active during the day and have the encouragement and stimulation of multiple adults and multiple walking children. The nursery have a duty to report development to the parents.

You're overthinking this or over reacting because of general relationship with them. My mum did same with my eldest didn't think twice about it but had my MIL done same it would have irritated me (she wouldn't have as she's too lazy). I'd certainly not want to be patronised and lied to as some seem to be suggesting is the way to be 🙄

Mother in law......is that you?

OP it seems important now but it wont be so important in time because your child will have many other firsts and important events. I don’t know if I’m weird but I genuinely can’t remember any of the ‘firsts’ for my kids. I remember all the stuff around that.

You’re allowed to swear on here. If you’re offended by it I think Netmums might not allow swearing.

My daughter did the first steps in my MIL house and they made a video for me as I was working. I didn't give it much importance because she did the second, third etc with me. However you were just in toilet, why they couldn't wait for you to be there? What is the point of doing it in a sneaky way?
I don't really get it why they didn't wait for you. They sound OTT.

I would be annoyed, especially if you've all been making a big deal about how close he is and it could happen any day - obviously, you would want to be there.

They should have been more thoughtful, but I doubt they did it to spite you, they just didn't think.

My nursery wouldn't tell parents if babies started to walk in nursery, they would wait for parents for to tell them, and I'm assuming "act" surprised if they had in fact seen them walk before. For PIL to do this on purpose would also not sit right with me. Do they have form for wanting the spotlight/being intrusive in your lives?
I second a pp I would have said 'oh yes he did that yesterday sorry forgot to tell you.'