In laws and baby's first steps

Totally agree. I find it very odd behaviour. I was there for our youngest first steps due to lock down but neither of the older two.

I think in this instance theres more to the story and theres on going issues with the inlaws but calling a nursery shit because theyve given you a truthful update is weird 🤷🏼‍♀️

No I wouldn’t do that.

Surely the joy of being grandparents is that you don’t have to be the ones to worry about the developmental shit that you do when you’re a parent? You get to see the baby and just do the fun stuff and not the learning stuff.

I remember panicking because at 15mo DD still wasn’t even crawling (she actually walked before she crawled). Her talking was amazing and she could say small sentences but she just sat there like a potato and bum shuffled as a means of getting about. I was so stressed about it, and then one day she just started strutting around like she’d been doing it all her life 🤣 but when I’m a GP I’ll be relieved that won’t be something for me to stress about anymore!

Yes

I think you’re being a bit precious.

My dd has LD which also affected her physical development and didn't walk until she was almost 5. Her older cousins were walking her round the garden one on each side (which they did every time they visited). I was out at work and got an excited text saying she was walking around the garden independently. When I got home there she was! Bumbling around the house on her own two feet.

I did not care one jot that I'd missed the first ones and that's the honest truth.

Your pil sound very petty. What did your Dh say about them?

Those saying it is patronising of nurseries, do you think the grandparents on here who haven't told the parents that grandchild did their first steps with them, are being patronising too?

DS was in a range of childcare setting (childminder, nursery) at that age, and I would have thought everyone had lost their minds if they’d started hinting that some apocalyptic importance in my child’s development was about to occur.

Right. So patronising. Also I would want to know these things about my child. I hate the idea that the nursery would know something important about their capabilities/ development and keep it from me- their mother!!!

It’s just one of many stages of a child’s development. Do people really get so precious about it? I have no memory at all of either of my children’s first steps and would’ve just been pleased that it had happened.

I’d be so angry. That’s your joy to watch your baby take their first steps! At 13 months they’re generally still crushing around furniture and more confident crawling! They shouldn’t have forced it on you or your baby. They take those first wobbly steps solo!

There are bigger things in life to be upset about.
RBH, I dont see it as a problem

I spent pretty much 24 hours a day with the kids. It was the pandemic so I was always with the kids.

DH comes home from work and I nipped to the loo and DC2 took his first steps.

I cried for half an hour!

It just happened so when it was actively encourage behind your back I'd be so hurt!

It's disrespectful

A nursery staff member told me once that a baby’s first steps are the ones the parents witness which made me laugh (and was true).

I did exactly the same. Wouldn't have taken that moment from his mum and dad for all the world

My sil did this to her own daughter, my niece, but my niece didn’t care as long as the baby was progressing and happy.

Some advice from a 50+ mum who has very overbearing in-laws who criticise, try and take over precious moments and are controlling. Most of these were learnt on MN over the years to my dilemmas with them;

1)Always offer people like this a fait accompli

For those not in the know, "a fait accompli is a French phrase commonly used to describe an action that is completed before those affected by it are in a position to query or reverse it". So, never consult, never ask advice, never explain. Just do it, then let them know afterwards.

2. Head them off at the pass. For example, now that your DC is cruising (crawling, pulling up, and near their first steps) you might want to get them a pair of first shoes. If they have DC on their own I'd be a bit wary that your PIL will be setting up an appointment at Clarks when you are not around. My MIL would have done this, given half the chance. Heading them off at the pass is tiring, but it was worth it for me. Get out your diary and see when there are opportunities for them to take over and interfere, and book it out!

3. Learn to zone out. Even if you are not. My PIL often talk about things, start stories that are indirectly aimed at me, but they don't have the balls to say it directly. So it will be things like, "oh Peter, did you hear what Barbara's DIL said? Isn't she awful. I told Barbara, I'd tell her to get out of my house". When they do this, I stare out the window and miss the cues for me to join in, or comment, and they can see that I wasn't listening. Or, I get up and go to the toilet. After all, they aren't speaking to me - right? As soon as I leave, they stop the conversation.

4. Have phrases that you use to respond to them. Things like, "Do they", "oh, that's nice", "oh, really", "You walked as soon as you came out the womb, oh that's nice, anyone want a cup of tea?" and "well, everyone has different ways of doing things don't they?" Smile and nod, then do whatever you want.

My MIL is currently not speaking to my DH because we had a bit of good news, and she wasn't called up immediately to tell. We waited till the next day. The silent treatment is one of her many punishments. Over the years I have tried and successfully got to a place where I just don't care. They can say what they like, do what they like, and I just don't care, so it doesn't affect me.

That you fight about this beggars belief.The competition is insane.and yet no one thinks it abnormal.I guess the hunter gatherers and no they didn't live in nuclear families...would have been pleased to see a baby take its first steps but.. this?

This sounds like something my in laws would do. Frustrating.

the first time you see him walk will be the special moment, get your camera ready so when he’s older he knows this as the first time he walked.

Mil tried this with both of ours. What was equally annoying was her repeatedly calling their names over and over again in a high pitched voice for her entire visit. She used to come while I was at work sometimes and I was really worried that I'd miss it but luckily I didn't. Missing it because of daycare etc is one thing but to deliberately try and make a parent miss it is a really thoughtless/mean thing to do. It's obviously a massive milestone to a lot of people, everyone knows that

My youngest stood up and walked across the room at 11 months. He had never cruised at all. It was mind blowing 😂 And he was always with me, no outside care at all.

Any get over the FiL walking and being potty trained at 9 months 😆.
I bet he was bringing home a wage at 2.

OP I really feel for you. I had similar experiences with my PIL. Now we are NC because of their constant demands and comments and unwanted advise on how to care for my child. It was very annoying and stressful.

They were really nice until I gave birth and then everything changed as if it was their child and they just had to have the control over everything.

No advise unfortunately as in our instance we couldn't find a middle ground as my mil turned out to be a hopeless narcissist and wouldn't compromise and would blame us every time we try to discuss the issues we had.

Thanks. It was the bald ‘Why are in laws such c*s’ I find disgusting.

They are either lying or what he actually did was fall from the arms of one into the arms of the other while moving his feet across the floor which some people try to pass off as first steps.
Ignore them. Once he is properly walking he’ll be properly walking and you won’t be able to stop him. First steps aren’t just some fluke.
My daughter took her first steps at nursery. I made a big fuss of her when I found out and did the same when she did it for dad and I, it was no less special