In laws and baby's first steps

@RazzlePuff have you read what the in-laws are like?

Not a big deal, get over it. Celebrate the first steps w in-laws and make it a happy moment for everyone.

Weird to think you want to hold your CHILD back developmentally, so you can be fulfilled.

it’s not about you, it’s about your child.

She didn’t mention that the child had walked, and went along with the video because she’s kind and understood that this was the parents’ moment, and didn’t want to take it away from them. Unfortunately that kind of empathy and kindness is getting rarer and rarer on MN, so maybe you mistaking it for patronising weirdness is understandable.

In my pettiness I would tell them it wasn't his first step actually.

Same here.

I also think they are either lying through their teeth, or they've stood him up and he's staggered between the two of them as he's lost his balance, and grabbed at one of them panic to stay upright..

Whether it was true or not, it was a mean thing to say/do. They are arseholes.

As a nursery nurse we don’t as a rule tell parents if they have taken their first steps. We might say we think they’re close to it, have been standing for long periods etc. These conversations will either prompt a parent to say oh yeah I meant to say they took a few steps last night or be excited that they might witness their child’s first steps soon. If you have concerns about your child’s development I would think you would be sharing them with the nursery staff. My own daughter didn’t walk until 22 months however I shared my concerns with the nursery and they knew about the doctors/ hospital appointments

Another grandma here - i'm pretty sure my grandson took his first steps when he was staying with me one night - did I tell his parents? Did i bollocks, thats their moment.

It's completely arseolian for them to do what they did OP>

I bet your baby didn’t even walk they just stuck his feet on the ground leaning back and pushed him to the other and he fell.

It is a totally shitty move and most loving grandparents would keep their mouth shut and repeat what they did when you came out. They rushed to do this when you weren’t there as they are arseholes

But the rest of the stuff would do my absolute head in and I would have to reduce the contact. You don’t owe them anything for being relatives and if they were general members of the public you would no longer see them.

You sound really lovely and considerate!

I couldn’t get worked up over this.

Come back when you are a GP and tell us how that’s going.

I didn’t see mine walk for the first time. I can’t even remember how old they were now.

Nah, still patronising and weird.

Nah, still patronising and weird.

THIS is how to be a grandparent 👏

OP posted there was a backstory and that they have form for this kind of thing. But despite that you reached for a way to blame her. Well done.

You sound like one of the nicest people on mumsnet

Oh for heaven's sake, why is everyone being so precious about first steps? Yes, it's lovely, but kids will do this when they do it. I don't think your PILs did anything wrong. Possibly mildly annoying, but you could have been doing this with him yourself.

Or maybe, just maybe, they’re a pair of insufferable know alls who find it difficult to keep their unwanted and unwarranted opinions to themselves. OP has said there’s a backstory and that FIL is overbearing, so I think it’s very possible that this was a deliberate effort to undermine OP - and clearly not for the first time. That being the case it’s a shitty thing to do, and a clear indication that they won’t hesitate to interfere in future. I’d be limiting contact and telling them why.

Exactly. Their nonsense does not take anything away from you and your relationship with your baby. His first steps will be when he takes them independently, not tottering between to adults who are pushing him.

I can’t believe how many posters are failing to see this very obvious distinction. That, and the fact that in-laws saying “why isn’t he walking yet? He ought to be walking by now” for months throws an entirely different light over the whole thing. Anyone congratulating themselves for not minding missing their own children’s first steps is really missing the point here.

Yes, of course it's a dick move.

It's also petty and inconsequential. Unless a parent is with the baby 24/7 it's likely no one will be entirely certain when the first steps took place. My DC10 never crawled: went straight from 'commando' crawling to cruising around furniture and walking holding hands. At some point he let go and walked alone, but exactly when this was I couldn't say, and we now don't remember. It does matter, very much, at the time these important milestones take place, but it won't a few years down the line.

For this reason I wouldn't be keen on the greatly reduced contact recommended by a PP upthread for this alone. It's annoying as hell, but it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me. However, I'd be watching out for a pattern of competitiveness or undermining my parenting, which the first line of your post tends to suggest is happening. That puts a different slant on things, and if this is consistent I'd likely put a lot more distance and stronger boundaries in place.

If it's any comfort, if this is how your in-laws achieve their validation it's really rather pathetic. IME, grandparents and parents alike would have much happier lives if the former accepted that a) it's a pointless battle, and b) it's one they can't win.

You will always be Mum. Nothing they can do will change that.

yes!
id find it bizarre if my mum witnessed my baby walking and didn’t tell me in case it hurt my feelings.

I can see why you think it's a bit off as you have issues with your IL's but, on the other hand, it's not something that would bother me otherwise. IIRC DD took hers when my mum was looking after her one afternoon as I got DSD from school.

They didn’t do anything wrong by engaging with the baby and encouraging him to walk, but it sounds like they could have been more tactful and this is only a problem because of other issues.

Oh dear in laws in trouble again!
What if it had been your own parents or a friend would you still be complaining?
Why take it as an insult, you could just be thrilled to bits and be happy with them.