In laws and baby's first steps

Then don’t label me a c**t ( however you choose to spell it), or a ‘Karen’. If you don’t mind.

No - because spelling it the way I did is considered even more derogatory.

And please don't police our language. We aren't telling you how you should speak/post, so return the compliment if you don't mind.

Edit for autocarrot

You need to get your DH to tell them to back off. Stop being friendly about it, just look them in the eye and say ‘don’t question our parenting choices. I don’t want you to do that’ or similar.

They are either selfish, stupid or a bit of both.

I get the feeling if it had just been the first steps you wouldn’t be bothered, it’s about HOW they did it and about how they have been treating you since you had the baby, this is the last thing in a long line of incidents and you have had enough of them now it seems.

I think it’s time to have a frank conversation with your DH and stop bending over backwards for your In Laws. Tell your DH what they did was not acceptable, that you are fed up of unsolicited advice and he needs to sort that. Stop allowing them over and stop going over, baby is suddenly busy.

Also when they pick their next thing to fixate on come up with a stock answer that’s also slightly insane (No baby isn’t speaking yet, we use telepathy to communicate with her, it works really well!), and then if they try to discuss it again change the subject.

If a child isn't ready to walk unaided they won't. Clearly this one was.

I'm in the minority as well in thinking that I don't "own" a child's first milestones. The first time I see something would be a first for me regardless of whether someone else has seen it first.

I couldn't get worked up about this. I'd expect grandparents to help with baby's development so at 13mo encouraging to walk is a good thing. You can't get territorial about firsts.

Yet you still choose not to use the ‘C’ word in full. Why is that? Because it is demeaning and derogatory to women? Swear all you like, both of you, but don’t label all in-laws c*s. Or use the term ‘Karen’.

I think I’d just be happy about babe reaching a milestone and the fact that they have grandparents who are invested in their development

"Interested" in their development - yes, wonderful.

"Invested"? Not so much. These can be the ones who push kids too hard and too soon and end up stressing them unnecessarily.

True. It depends how much of previous posts are quoted. Someone mentioned it being an unwritten rule that nurseries always lie about this and that's where the commentary about that came from.

Although the OP's PIL do sound a bit obsessed and there's clearly more history there I still think the best response is bemusement rather than anger if OP really sees malice in their actions. Best way to take the wind out of their sails.

I'll sit on the naughty step with her.

If you hear sweary giggling, it'll be us.

A bit of bedtime reading.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-swearing-a-sign-of-a-limited-vocabulary/#:~:text=The%20POV%20hypothesis%20suggests%20that,comprehensive%20your%20vocabulary%20would%20be.

https://theconversation.com/the-power-of-swearing-how-obscene-words-influence-your-mind-body-and-relationships-192104

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S002438412200170X

Ultimately - sometimes nothing expresses emotion more than a good "FUCK YOU, YOU KH^NT!!!", not matter how extensive your vocabulary - and that is scientifically proven.

@DappledThings I get that, but when people just say “I wouldn’t get worked up about this” or “this wouldn’t bother me” or “that happened to me and I was thrilled”, are they talking about the OP’s situation or generally? I’m not sure how helpful to the OP it is to say “oh that wouldn’t bother me” if you’re actually talking about a quite different situation.

All of ours took their first steps at nursery and as everything had to be recorded in a book I knew they had seen before us. I think an awful lot of parents miss the moment.
Its not OK relatives push kids into it though and

I Think I would have kept quiet aswel and let you think you had been the first one to see it.

However when there’s one working parent and one at home it’s highly likely the home parent experiences lots of firsts that the working one misses out on. I’m sure they tell their other half when they get home.
So I suppose I’d put myself in that situation and wonder whether I would have told my dh or not.
Something to think about OP

But also the thread has diversified as they usually do and I am indeed discussing the general idea that this information should be withheld rather than the OP's specific situation.

@Timeforsomecoffee I think a lot of posters are trying to highlight what cool, great, laid-back parents they are for not minding missing their child’s milestones, while at the same time entirely failing to see the context here and consequently missing the point altogether.

"What a shame, M&F IL, that's a bit like making a cat stand on its hind legs, isn't it? So doesn't really count..."

Ooooh!

What burn that would be!

Nowt like a good swear @Couldntthinkofausername24 .

It's stopped me committing murder many a time! 😄

Oh come on people. This is not a case of “someone else saw my child take their first steps”; this is “someone who has been hassling me about my child not walking over and over for months (and has undermined other aspects of my parenting) deliberately encouraged my child to take their first steps while I was out of the room for five minutes”. I can’t work out whether the posters who can’t see this are being deliberately disingenuous or are just a bit hard of thinking.

I can interpret how I would feel about it happening to me, yes.

The only reason to withhold the information is if you think it is more important for someone to think they've witnessed it first than for them to know it happened. If anyone considered me to be someone who was more interested in my own experience than the development itself I would feel patronised.

The person withholding the information might not think they are being patronising because they might not think of it as a silly attitude like I do but yes, I consider it a patronising decision to withhold.

If it was a relative who did it to me I'd be a bit perturbed they'd read me so wrong. If I found out a professional had done it when I expressly asked them not to stick to their policy (written or unwritten) I'd be more annoyed.