In laws and baby's first steps

It's not like the OP was in toilet and the little one pulled themselves up and started walking, they purposely tried to get him to walk, there's a difference and it's spiteful.

How are you sure? Based on what?

Yes, my MIL told me she did this, but has always said it wasn’t potty training as such, just luck- and done to reduce the number of dirty terry nappies to wash.

It’s a generous gift if it’s the money for you to spend on your child’s shoes. If it’s taking your DC for their first shoes without you involved, it’s out of order.

So the nattering nonsense is clearly irritating but I’d have smiled, said yes please and thank you for the generous offer of Clarkes shoes rather than interpret the gift as a way to weaponise a child’s shoes 😏

Well you might be very zen about that !!! but if my DSs’ DGPs had pulled a stunt like this I would have hit the bloody roof.

Ive had two DC in different nurseries and know loads of other families especially current colleagues with babies. Our former babysitter was a nursery worker. It’s standard practice to say ‘he’s almost there!!’ etc - not to say he’s taken his first steps.

Firsts matter- I might be more precious about them than others after years of infertility but I would have reacted very badly if my PIL had done this.

That's thoughtless of them, I would've just kept quiet. I'm sure my ds must have taken his first steps at nursery but they never said a word and acted suitably surprised when we told them he had done so at home.

This made me think of when my DCs were that age. My parents looked after them for a day or two each week while I worked. My mum said she really hoped they wouldn’t take their first steps when they were with them as she didn’t want me to miss it. She also said (much later) than even if they had she wouldn’t have told me so that DH and me could experience it with our babies.

You should have been blunt and said ‘cheers for taking that experience away from me !’ . You need to make a point that you are aware of their pettiness. Yes most would ‘pretend’ it had not happened, it’s a shit thing to do x

@Bananagirl23 but FIL seems to be undermining OP all the time. That is not learning to be a grandparent that is just being nasty

As a parent unless I witnessed it happening then it wouldn’t have been my babies first steps🤣 but I do understand how you feel, my mother used to always try to take away the first moments with my first baby who is now 16, but once out of the baby stage she lost all interest in him.

I've only read the original OP but my immediate reaction was "what a pair of c"
They didn't do it out of interest in his development, they did it to prove their point. Look, we got him walking. Tiresome nonsense.

I’ve just read your subsequent posts. I can explain the 9 months toilet trained thing. Before disposable nappies it was quite a common practice to sit the baby on the potty after a meal ( and about 9 months was often when they were sitting strongly enough to do this) and keep them sitting there … and sitting there … until something emerged then dress them again until the next meal. So it may have helped to avoid using nappies ( which needed washing) but it wasn’t toilet training in the sense of a 9 month old announcing “ I think I feel one coming , I’ll just pop to the loo if you’ll excuse me.” If you live your life sitting on a potty it’s likely your last meal will end up landing in it. FIL sounds a proper pain in the arse.

Actually now I think of it, I read an interesting article that helped me a lot at the time, explaining how everyone’s roles in the family change when a grandchild comes along, and grandparents have to adjust to no longer being the ones in charge. It helped me understand that they weren’t necessarily undermining our parenting, but working out how to be a grandparent.

How pathetic. But they are NOT the first steps that you saw. Just disregard and do your own thing. I am MIL and would definitely NOT have done, or even thought of that.

Oh god OP I hear you! My ILs were exactly the same when DC was younger - always trying to get in there with the firsts and acting as though they were the parents. I don’t understand the need to upstage parents like that - it’s just hurtful. Funnily enough now DC is a little older and has their own opinions they’ve backed off and chilled out a lot. Hopefully they will settle down over the years…

Tbh I can somehow see ILs are a bit different .

The other thing I find a bit off about this ( because let’s face it we are sometimes overly emotional about our babies) is that they had been going on about it and sound as though they made it a “project” with the faint implication you were not providing enough stimulation on that front. 13 months isn’t late so there was no call for them to make an issue of it.

BUT life goes on and I suppose the best way forward is to try to feel pleased they take an interest.

Oie! Some in laws are the absolute worst!

sorry that happened. Let’s just say they were lying.

I have a colleague who learned about her baby's first steps (and first haircut.....I kid you not!) from social media. Her relatives just uploaded a video.

Well you seem to be grouping yourself with @Couldntthinkofausername24 in your little oh-so-funny giggly sweary gang, and @Couldntthinkofausername24 did say
‘Why are in laws such c*s’, which I objected to, being an in
law.
And also ‘Your (sic) a Karen, aren’t you’ directed at me.

I think it’s time for you and your dh, especially dh, to get some assertiveness training and call fil out when he is undermining your parenting. It doesn’t have to be done in a confrontational way. Just be polite and clear that he has had his chance of parenting (which he appears to have opted out of) and it’s your turn now.

I wasn't she was quick enough bum shuffling. I knew she would walk in her own time with was 19 months. Don't get why people push kids to walk. It's harder work then!

That is a terrible thing to do, why would they do that?

In fact If it were me and my grandchild happened to their first steps while their parents were not there to see, I think I would not even mention it. I would let the Childs parents experience that first.

HNRTFT but I really wouldn’t have got worked up about it . Can honestly say I cannot remember who they were with when they first walked.

I don't mind at all. And for the record, I personally didn't label you anything.

And nor did @Couldntthinkofausername24 , unless you group yourself in with the other grandparents. You may not be aware of it, but your tone is very virtue signally.