In laws and baby's first steps

Tbf - and I say this as someone who writes a diary entry around the time when my little ones do certain things for the first time 🙈 - it is pretty difficult to pin down. My DD said dada very young but it wasn’t really in context and usually parroting me albeit when talking about her father so it blurs my understanding of exactly when she said her first proper word.

I can only give rough estimates of certain firsts for this reason.

Dick move. Sorry OP.

I have read from a childminder on here that they never say stuff like this for obvious reasons. I tell myself that even if they do take a first step or whatever while at nursery, it’s a wobbly, hesitant practice one for the real one. It makes me feel better anyway. I’d do the same here and question if he truly did it by himself. If they’re anything like my mum and MIL they think DC are geniuses and always say/said stuff like “Did you see that?! They said X or they did y!” And my DH and I are less convinced… 🙈

Oh just to clarify I wasn’t saying they didn’t matter to parents to be there/ enjoy them . I was more thinking of the IL’s and their obsession with “ bringing the child on.”

What I don’t really understand on this thread is parents giving those milestones no emotional significance at all.
It's not not giving them emotional significance at all. Just that some of us are capable of being really excited about the milestone being reached without needing to have witnessed it and consider the second time a child walks, probably only hours after the first time, to be just as exciting.

@Oaktree55 the EYFS guidelines for recording every detail has been changed

I don’t think any sane person seriously thinks an early walker will become a great athlete or an early talker is a genius. What I don’t really understand on this thread is parents giving those milestones no emotional significance at all.

I’m a teacher and I was talking to one of my classes a while back about their first words. Not one of them knew how old they were when they’d first spoken, but one girl said that her mum didn’t know what her first word was, and the sadness in her voice was obvious.

And the sportiest person I know was a relatively late walker. The earliest walker I know of ( it was actually 9 months like op’s super-FIL) did not distinguish themself in a physical sense at all and has now needs a hip op and can hardly stagger so it honestly means very little.

Some people in my grandmother’s generation had a fear that walking too soon actually damaged the hips/ caused bow-leggedness. Whether or not there is any basis for this I have no idea; but the point really is it hasn’t always been considered a great thing.

And of course the old Einstein didn’t speak till he was 4 story.

These early milestones come when they come and signify very little - other than categorically confirming they will get there.

A small percentage of children never do get there and the banging on about “ when they did it” by other parents must be the most infuriating thing in the world.

@Oaktree55 Did you mean to tag me? I was referring to my granddaughter if she were in my care and took her first, long awaited steps. I am not a professional, I am a granny who loves her son and daughter in law and wouldn't want to take the joy of any 'firsts' away from them.

Things like first steps, first words aren't important to me but I know they mean a lot to my kids.

@Oaktree55 would you refuse to let grandparents look after grandchildren again if they didn’t tell mum and dad that little one had taken first steps when they were looking after them? After all you need to trust them too

How can your child never have taken first steps? At some point he walked independently for the first time - those were his first steps. You may not have cared but he still took them!

How is it lying? It’s just not mentioning it. It would only be lying if the walking (or lack of it) was part of a wider medical issue or if the parent had specifically asked to be told that information.

Personally for me the first year of motherhood was gruelling and exhausting with a non sleeping Velcro baby and PND. His first steps were an absolute highlight for me, as is for many mums and dads who put in all the intense work in those first couple of years without much feedback other than tears and laughing.

First steps aren’t as much as a milestone to anyone else that witnesses a baby’s first steps so why take that highlight from the parents? It’s called being emotionally aware as a childcare provider, not lying.

I’m leaving this now as it’s just too depressing and shocking. Most would prefer to know their v young children were in an environment where there was 100% open and honest communication and the child’s needs were paramount. Not an environment that lies dependent on the staff’s subjective view as to what was appropriate to report for fear of upsetting a parent.

Lying by omission is still lying. Especially in the context of the handover when they usually say something like "she had a good nap for an hour today and ate two helpings of lunch and had a lovely time in the sand pit" but then deliberately end it there without saying "and she took 5 steps across the room". How can anyone not think that's weird?

Especially as apparently it's common practice for nurseries to say all of that and deliberately say "and she looks like she might be ready to walk soon" as a hint to parents that they should look out for walking as it has actually already happened.

@ZebraDanios perhapd years ago you may have had a point. Not nowadays when EVERYTHING is supposedly recorded. Important developmental milestones not reported is a SERIOUS red flag.

@Oaktree55 I think if you turned up to collect your child from nursery and they said “Oh hi, he’s had a great day and he definitely didn’t take his first steps today!” that would be one thing. But just not mentioning it if it happens - I don’t know, to me that’s an omission rather than a lie.

(If a parent asks outright if it happened then I agree denying it would be lying, but in that situation presumably the parent would actually want to know.)

@EricHebbornInItaly I’m shocked by how many seem to think it’s ok to be patronised and more importantly lied to. Nothing to do with personality.

Imagine visiting a professional of any sort be it childcare or healthcare to be told oh by the way we decide on what to tell you and what to lie about as we see fit. How many of you would honestly sign up?

@Oaktree55 you sound pleasant.

@catwithflowers why? Because healthcare professionals lose all credibility when they lie. It’s not ok to lie about things because subjectively it’s considered to be kind.

This with bells on.

I would do exactly the same as you. I would 'forget' to mention it 😊. Some things are very special to parents, especially with their first child. Why take away their joy?

As for those stating they ask childcare to lie to them. WTF?!?! Seriously some need to have a serious think.

That’s pretty much it. But OP’s FIL sounds to have played it up as something far grander! 🤣

A lot of this thread is an example of how odd everything is. You aren’t entitled as parents to witness first anything’s. Either you happen (by chance) to witness or you aren’t there at that moment in time. The fact that so many on here assume it’s an entitlement so much so that professional childcare should lie to them is as weird as hell. Show me Gov guidance re childcare stating please lie to parents over x,y,z because they can’t cope with the truth 🙄. Wow just wow!