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Original poster

In laws and baby's first steps

364 replies

Timeforsomecoffee · 08/04/2024 12:27

First of all, there is a huge back story anyway.

But my question is, if you were a mil/fil, would you have done this?

Baby close to taking his first steps but hadn't done it yet. Mil and fil had been banging on for ages about how we needed to get him walking, he should be walking by now bla bla bla. Doing the arm dangling thing every time we saw them.

Baby was 13 months and standing independently so well on track with his development.

On a visit they decided to stand him between them, coaxing him between them (while I was gone to the toilet) then when I and back announced proudly that he'd taken his first steps.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 08/04/2024 16:36

My precious only son laughed for the first time when smiled at by a visitor to my mum's house 🤣🤣 It was hilarious!

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 08/04/2024 16:32

Solidarity. I have a FIL like that. Knows fuck-all about anything but views himself as an authority on everything. Including my own, much-studied-for, highly qualified, niche job. Drives me up the fucking wall. Constantly compares my children to his other grandchildren too and finds mine wanting. 🖕🏻

GreatGateauxsby · 08/04/2024 16:31

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 08/04/2024 12:35

That's a shitty thing to do.

In my pettiness I would tell them it wasn't his first step actually.

My mother (now nc) would do things like this when my oldest was a baby, I would leave the room for 30 seconds and he miraculously had his first roll, or laugh or whatever, she was bullshitting, but she took great pride in feeling like she took an experience away from me.

His first step with you is the one you'll remember anyways, whether he teeters between two adults pushing him to do it or not, you're his mum, and the stuff he does with you is the stuff that matters.

They know that and that's why they are trying to insert themselves into these important moments, but they can't take anything away from you, or your relationship with your boy.

Edited

Agreed.

What i would say is i dont remember my daughters first first steps.
She did a cute little toddle along side of the kitchen which we caught on camera and i always think of those as her first proper steps

InTheRainOnATrain · 08/04/2024 16:30

Ugh based on your updates I totally get it and poor you, they sound awful, especially FIL

Original poster
Timeforsomecoffee · 08/04/2024 16:28

I take on board all the replies and thanks for not all tearing a strip off me even those who've disagreed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Timeforsomecoffee · 08/04/2024 16:27

Delphiniumandlupins · 08/04/2024 16:18

Is your FiL just a know-it-all in general? Did he actually have much involvement with his own children as babies? It may be that you are noticing it more, and more irritated, because he's now interfering in your family. Maybe point out that you're not bothered about your child's first steps but you are concerned about contact with people with so little emotional intelligence that they would brag about those first steps to you.

He is the most insufferable know it all about absolutely everything. He could honestly lecture you over toilet paper. From what I've heard no I don't think he was involved much, he's very proud that he's never changed a nappy.

I've tried so hard to ignore him but it gets to the point where you feel like you are going to explode.

OP posts:
35965a · 08/04/2024 16:20

If you witness a baby’s first steps when the parents aren’t there (babysitting or nursery or whatever) you don’t tell the parents. It’s as if the first steps didn’t happen. Your ILs sound like pricks.

Delphiniumandlupins · 08/04/2024 16:18

Is your FiL just a know-it-all in general? Did he actually have much involvement with his own children as babies? It may be that you are noticing it more, and more irritated, because he's now interfering in your family. Maybe point out that you're not bothered about your child's first steps but you are concerned about contact with people with so little emotional intelligence that they would brag about those first steps to you.

CoddledAsAMommet · 08/04/2024 16:15

I have 4 DC. By chance, every one of them took their 'first steps' at the weekend when their Daddy was at home to see.

Because I'm not a knob.

Saymyname28 · 08/04/2024 16:12

If you see a baby take their first steps without their parents it never happened. I thought we all knew that . I would never tell someone they missed their baby's first anything.

Kitkat1523 · 08/04/2024 16:07

i couldn’t get worked up about this

LakeTiticaca · 08/04/2024 16:02

It's not a hill I would choose to die on. A kids gonna walk when a kids gonna a walk .However, since your FIL seems like a dickhead, I am pissed off in your behalf

Apollo365 · 08/04/2024 15:57

First steps don’t count unless the parents witness it or they are filmed. IMO anyways.

Maray1967 · 08/04/2024 15:54

imforeverblowingbuttons · 08/04/2024 15:01

This. It's not like it happened while they were babysitting. They did it while she was in the toilet!! Of course it was deliberate

Show quote history

Yes I agree. Sounds like it’s part of a pattern of ‘proving ’ that op is a useless parent.

It’s very unpleasant and the DH needs to tackle it head on.

Drearydiedre · 08/04/2024 15:46

Mine videoed my ds walking and sent it to me at work. As you can imagine, it made my day... They too had been fixated on making him walk and wanted everyone to know it had happened in their house.

I don't know why some grandparents have no emotional intelligence. Presumably they'd have been a bit irked if an inlaw had done it to them 30 years ago? I'd like to think that if someone's baby had achieved a huge milestone in front of me and not the parents I'd have the sense not to share it.

Sugargliderwombat · 08/04/2024 15:35

Fair enough encourage the baby, but they shouldn't have told you or anyone else.

Librarybooker · 08/04/2024 15:32

Too much emphasis is based on first steps these days, but yes that’s a really irritating thing to have done.

I’m never a fan of over encouragement for a baby to perform. I especially hate to see parents placing a toy on the floor to encourage a baby to crawl to it and then picking it up and moving it further away just as they get to it.

Technically, my Mum missed my first steps. Her story was that I toddled into the kitchen one day. Technically, the DSs first independent steps were running. He’d been cruising forever, but would not let go of the furniture. My parents were over and my father went back outside to fetch something from the car. The DS was so perturbed that grandad might be going home that he finally let go of the sofa and ran towards the window. Realising he’d let go, he grabbed the coffee table 🤣 Made us wait 2 more weeks before he let go again 😂

Potentialscroogeincognito · 08/04/2024 15:30

I would be very clear how spiteful you thought it was that they would actively try and get him to do it knowing you had just popped to the loo. And then huge step back. “Unfortunately, your overbearing behaviours have overstepped and as a result I will be stepping back” and repeat. My LO did his first steps at nursery, must have done. They said on pick up “he’s definitely going to walk this weekend!”… “Can’t wait to hear all about it etc” and you guessed it … I was really touched they left it for me as I felt so guilty about not being there every day anyway more. Don’t put up with it.

EndlessTreadmill · 08/04/2024 15:28

They are unpleasant and stupid. But don't sweat it. As someone said, a small stagger is nothing, it's not a first step.
The real 'first steps' are when they do a proper couple of steps and know what they are doing, and their face lights up in excitement. Not what happened here.
And to be honest, don't overthink it. These tiny firsts are really nothing in the grand scheme of things. My kids are 12 and 10 and i don't remember either of their specific 'first' steps.(just rough ages and their approach to them). It's not that important, really.

BrownFewHighlights · 08/04/2024 15:20

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 08/04/2024 12:45

I am a GP . My first GC took their first steps with us while we had them for childcare . When we took them home I must have "forgotten" to mention it as later that eve I got a little video sent to me of GC walking " for the first time " . . It's not about them being in laws, ( i am a MIL too ), it's about them actively trying to take experiences away from you .

That’s so nice, and the kind of thing my Mum would do too.
Quite lovely ❤️🌸

DappledThings · 08/04/2024 15:18

pinkpale · 08/04/2024 15:07

My GC did his first steps with me. I never said a word so his parents had that joy.

I'd have felt really stupid if my parents had seen that happen and felt they had to lie to me about it.

pinkpale · 08/04/2024 15:07

My GC did his first steps with me. I never said a word so his parents had that joy.

Mummame2222 · 08/04/2024 15:05

tortiecat · 08/04/2024 12:41

What absolute peaches. My MIL tried to claim similar something similar (except DS had walked a few days previously, so she looked daft).

My Mum claims this shit all the time. Somehow all of my kids magically done all of their ‘firsts’ in one of the rare occasions they were being babysat by her. Idiot.

FlyingHighFlyingLow · 08/04/2024 15:04

Timeforsomecoffee · 08/04/2024 14:48

Thanks that's exactly it really.

I'm not deluded I know that you can't plan a babies first steps for the parents convenience. Some of my friends worked in nurseries and etiquette was not to tell the parents unless they asked.

This was my oil showing me how it's done because in fils opinion we weren't doing it right.

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Ok, so they're getting on your nerves. Where was your DH? Did he not stop his parents? Was he going along with it? If he was at work stop inviting them when he isn't there!

Moveoverdarlin · 08/04/2024 15:03

I’d say ‘Yay! Well done’ and move on. Couldn’t get worked up. He probably did three steps then fell. Do it with him tonight and film it and pretend that’s the first time if you’re bothered.

I remember saying to my parents that my DS had his 2 year check with the health visitor and the only thing on their list that he couldn’t do was to jump up with both feet off the floor. When I picked him up from theirs one day they say ‘we’ve got him jumping!, he knows all his colours, he’s eaten cous cous for us blah blah blah’. I rolled my eyes but laughed. It’s sweet that they care.